Guess what? I just figured out that this whole write a post in November thing is not an original idea thought up by Jen that was then copied by Speaker which was then copied by me (and several others). Turns out that WordPress is talking about it like it’s some sort of thing, like, you know, my idea of writing a novel in a month or whatever. Good thing that’s not taken.
They’re calling it NaBloPoMo which is not nearly as cool as Honey Boo Boo whatsit or Blogvemberfester, or whatever our name was. NaBloPoMo sounds like the sound I make when I eat too much Taco Bell and have to go throw up.
Well, now I’m just bummed, because here I thought Jen (of Jen and Tonic!) had this fabulous idea and like, she and Speaker (of Speaker7!) and I were sort of The Three Musketeers. Not the candy bar, the three guys with the matching smocks and the swords. Only we’d be the three gals and have way better fashion sense. But now that’s all gone to hell. Thanks a lot, WordPress, for ruining what was left of my innocence after 50 Shades destroyed 95 percent of my soul.
But all is not lost. You see, WordPress and . . . wtf, BlogHer is doing this too? What? We’re in with the mommy bloggers? Crap in a hat, guys. Nevermind. We are still original here, because most of these people have rules and stuff for their blog challenges. Like that there should be real posts or something. At least I’m guessing that because WordPress is a pain like that. You know, like don’t try to bait us to your blog by putting the crappy challenge du jour in your tags. Killjoys.
But we laugh in the face of rules. We say “vagina” and call senators “turdface”. We write posts without pictures of food or recipes for cookies. We put little balloons over photos and have politicians tell everyone they’re tools. We explain why people are stupid and vote stupidly (not that I’m saying how you should vote or anything but for crying out loud not Republican). We put squirrels in our posts. We review idiot books about buttplugs. This is edgy stuff, guys.
That’s right, WordPress. We’re a team. Well, except I don’t have my blue sticker yet. I just thought I’d point that out, since you seem to have not noticed my blog out of the bazillions of other blogs. Sad Pony is sad about this. He told me I should put a My Little Pony horsehead™ in your inbox. He’s been through a lot, sorry.
Anyway, there was a point here. I forget. Crap. Look at that! Squirrel!
What is NaNoWriNo? Well, it started with Jen of Jen and Tonic when she decided she thought NaNoWriMo was too much work, so instead of writing 50,000 words, she’d just write a blog post every day for a month. Like with Nano, it’d be more about quantity than quality, which means we can make our posts suck if we want. Now I’d been doing that anyway (writing posts once a day, not sucking, although possibly that too), and it was making my head spin, so I decided to not do that. But then Jen said she was doing it, and then Speaker 7 said she was doing it too, and then this other blogger said she was doing it (I forgot her name, sorry) and so then it was like I had to do it too. Because when they say would you jump off a cliff if your friends did, that pretty much describes me.
Of course, I think Jen and Speaker have a much better chance of getting people loving even their suckiest posts because they are awesome plus they have mob ties with Le Clown™. He invites them over to his blog for parties all the time. Does he invite Alice™? No. And all because she might have said her contest was better than his because she lets people cheat. And she made fun of him. And she started trademarking whatever he hadn’t trademarked, including his name: Le Clown™. Still, is that a reason not to invite someone to be a guest on your flaming clown blog? No it is not. Don’t you like how I answer my own questions? Of course you do.
So anyhoo, that’s 30 blog posts right there, but allowing suckiness is definitely making me feel better about this. You see I type pretty fast, but not nearly as fast as I think (eleventybillion words a second), so I can write most blog posts in around 10 minutes or so (except the 50 Shades ones as they require reading and puking breaks). However, I like adding pictures, and this can take hours hunting around on scary Google Images for just the right stupid picture that probably no one will notice I snatched. So I figured I could try recycling my pictures, which I have never done before.
Speaker mentioned she might just write the word “Post” which is brilliant. She is also fortunate in that she has two blog helpers, providing they let Hugo out of puppet prison and Goofy gets out of rehab. I need blog helpers, besides Thing One and Thing Two who perch beside me at the computer while I type (except NOT when I am writing the 50 shades posts. I want to protect their fragile brains from Dumb™.) Maybe I can dig around in their toy chests. Or I could get a voodoo doll that might or might not be a clown.
Oh, right, and there was this other thing going on next month. No, not the turkey thing, the Movember thing, with the mustaches and prostate awareness and stuff. I’m thinking many bloggers will write moving and enlightening posts on this topic. I will not be one of them. Probably I will put a mustache on a turkey.
So this is Alice™ signing off. Let’s see which one of us poops out first. Or just uses “poop” in a post. Why is everyone looking at me?