Tag Archives: jobs for English majors

I Write the Posts . . .

I write the posts that make my readers cringe

I write the posts that say goooofy things . . .

Oh, hello there, just channeling my inner Barry Manilow.  Occasionally I throw him up.  I bet you didn’t know how poetical I can be.  Well, first off I’m an English major (no, seriously) even though I just ended a sentence back there with a preposition (I can name you 50 of those.  There’s no point, but an English teacher made us memorize them in 7th grade).  I also have troubles with commas and semicolons and occasionally I will write a run on sentence and forget hyphens but really who cares about doing that or using multiple “ly” adverbs cause it’s totally my blog.  Where was I?

poetry 2

Stay with us, Alice

Poetics!  Right.  Did you know that according to that writer generator everyone’s been talking about I write like Stephen King?  Scary, huh?  Or possibly this dude I don’t recognize.  But my favorite match was William Shakespeare.  The Great Bard himself, of course!  Forsooth, verily we art alike and crapeth.  You don’t believe me?  Well, I was just talking with some peeps about growing my blog the other day and they said peeps like them some poetry.  I can totally rock with that.  I wrote poetry back when I was in elementary school.  Sadly my parents did not save it, which is a shame because I’m sure I was the ultimate prodigy there.

We're practically twins, Will and I.

We’re practically twins, Will and I.

Back when I went to church, I was at some ladies retreat thing.  For some reason they wanted us to write a poem.  The others in my group found out I was an English major, so obviously I would know poetry, right?  Here is the poem I wrote:

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

Jesus is Great

And so are You

They didn’t ask me to write a poem again, for some reason.  But I just know I have a spark of genius in me, some bit of Longfellow, or Frost, or Seuss.  Okay, here goes.

Children are angels

Who fell from Heaven

And into Hell

The Things will just love the sentiment in this one, I’m sure.  But there’s something wrong.  Oh, I know – I didn’t make it rhyme!  While I have read some really great free verse poetry from my fellow bloggers, I have also known quite a few people who thought free verse was an excuse to write really bad prose in a fancy way.  I like rhymes.  Most of the time.

If you write it pretty and put a flower on it, it is automatically good.

If you write it pretty and put a flower on it, the poem is automatically good.

It’s hard to make a living as a poet.  Unless you do something like write greeting cards.  I could totally do that.  Along the same thread, here’s my greeting card for expectant mothers.

You’re having a baby

A treasure to keep

You’ll change lots of nappies

And you’ll never sleep.

I know, such untapped potential!  You will notice that not only did my poem rhyme this time, but I used a British word for diapers – nappies.  Anything British automatically makes you sound like an intellectual.  Now I can go to book stores and do poetry slams and wear berets and sip fru-fru coffee and spout my theories about life.

So I ask you – are you a poet and don’t know it (it never ends, the genius)?  Or do you know it?  Who is your favorite poet?