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Strange Addictions: Bieberfied?

Learn what you never wanted to know!

Learn what you never wanted to know!

This week on “Strange Addictions”, we get a lady eating beauty products, and a guy using plastic surgery to look like Justin Bieber.  I’m not sure which one is worse.  You can’t make this crap up.

Dun, dun, dunnnnn!

Dun, dun, dunnnnn!

First up, we have Brittoni, a lady who is a little confused about how makeup works.  Instead of putting it, say, on her face, she eats it.  She prefers eye shadow, but you know, it has to taste right.  Naturally.  So she goes to the store and shakes a little out and licks it to see if it is her flavor.  No reason to waste money on makeup that doesn’t taste good, am I right?  I’m never going to look at eye shadow quite the same way again.

Uh, there's a lady on aisle four licking the eye shadow . . .

Uh, there’s a lady on aisle four licking the eye shadow . . .

She decides to “come out” to her family, but here’s the kicker.  Mom and sister and she have this family tradition of making donuts and sprinkling baby powder on them.  When I first heard this, I thought I’d heard incorrectly.  Like, oh, that was powdered sugar, right?  Nopes.  We’re talking that stuff you’re supposed to be putting on a baby’s bum.

So the girl tells her family that she eats makeup, and they are totally understanding, cause they are eating baby powder donuts.  Just kidding.  They both act horribly shocked!.  Sister says “That is weird” as she takes another bite of a donut sprinkled with a Johnson & Johnson product.  Just – what?  They’re talking to her about how unhealthy this habit is, and how can she do this, – but – the donuts.  And the baby powder.  Lady, you’re holding the baby powder in  your hand while talking to your daughter and I just . . . nevermind.

She goes to the doctor at their suggestion (they are totes fine with their chemical laced donuts) and the doctor, not surprisingly, tells her eating makeup is not a good idea.  What gets me, though, is there’s no – hey, let’s figure out WHY you are eating makeup.  Either the girl has a nutritional deficiency major time, or she’s nuts, or maybe both, but – don’t just send her off with a warning.  I mean – I just – nevermind.

The girl does go on to quit her eye shadow addiction.  I’m guessing the baby powder donuts continue, though, cause totes normal.

You know how it says warning do not consume?  It was for guys like this.

You know how it says Warning: do not consume? It was for guys like this.

Next, we have Toby, a guy in his thirties who has been spending years and huge amounts of money to make himself look like . . . Justin Bieber.  Now, I think it’s kind of stupid to try to make yourself look like any pop star or actor but, really, Justin Bieber?  Couldn’t he at least have gone for someone with a little more testosterone?  Heck, Michael Bolton would be a better choice, dude, and his voice is higher than mine.

But this guy is convinced that Justin is the picture of gorgeous and  youthful, and he wants to be just like him.  I just don’t get it.  To me, Justin Bieber looks like a twelve-year-old who cuts his hair with a bowl.  Yet this guy is willing to go under the knife multiple times to completely reshape his face to resemble Justin’s.  Be afraid, Justin.  You just think being arrested is tough.  Wait till this guy finds you.

I just . . . don't . . . I . . . what?

I just . . . don’t . . . I . . . what?

He’s had operations I’ve never even heard of – forehead lifts, eyebrow lifts, hairline moved forward, nose jobs, chin reduction and implants, and holy cow who the hell does this?  TLC shows the before and afters and – frankly, our Toby looked better BEFORE he started all this stuff.  Which is not all that difficult.

He goes out to find more “Justin” like clothes, and tries to get people to guess who he looks like.  They don’t have a clue.  Undaunted, he says “Justin Bieber!” and they just blink.  Good grief.  He’s spent this much money, and he still doesn’t really resemble a guy he shouldn’t be trying to look like in the first place.  That is really, really sad.

He next goes to a plastic surgeon who is slightly concerned about all these surgeries he’s had, especially since TLC is there filming him.  When he suggests the dude invest his money in psychiatry (boy I hope he has savings), Toby just walks off.  He’ll just go to another plastic surgeon!  He doesn’t need help!  Nopes! Totally fine.

I wonder if the people on this show ever meet each other and then get together.  Maybelline girl and Bieber boy.  Wouldn’t that be a match made in Hell?