Kentucky Fried Crisis!
Have you heard the news today? They say that danger’s come our way. It’s a real land of confusion alright, what with all those wars and famines and politicians, but today our old reliable Facebook News had some real news people care about, news to unite all walks of life.
Kentucky Fried Chicken has run out of chicken.
Yup, you heard right. Now this is happening in the U.K., not here, thank gawd, but what a terrifying prospect! So much so that it naturally made international news.
Our media sure savored this little news bite, alright.
A wing and a prayer! Get it? I guess I can see this appearing on CNN Money, since KFC is bound to be losing it’s chicken butt over this shortage, which is causing stores to close all over the U.K. But that’s not the only problem they face.
There are some super angry Brits over there. Observe.
There are some marvelous quotes in here. “It’s a chicken place, so they should have enough chicken,” says one boy. That’s so cute how kids think logic should apply to real life! Other people took to Twitter with their annoyance over having to drive to multiple locations to find chicken. Multiple locations. They do have other chicken places in the U.K. right? Or is this chicken just so filled with artery clogging goodness that our mother country is addicted?
If Brits act like this, you realize we in the U.S. are in deep, deep trouble. As one commenter said, “There would be rioting in the streets over here.” I don’t doubt it.
KFC is deeply apologetic for causing so many in the U.K. to go without the two of the most important food groups (salt and grease). Here’s a sign from one of the restaurants.
So just how did they run out of chicken? As the sign mentions, the chain just got a new supplier called DHL who promised to “re-write the rule book and set a new benchmark for delivering fresh products to KFC in a sustainable way”. Jolly good job, right oh, I say! DHL explained that “due to operational issues a number of deliveries in recent days have been incomplete or delayed.” Operational issues, eh? As in what type of operational issues? Is it because some employees are still teething? That does hurt. Or have employees been stealing the chicken for themselves? Shoving it down their pants and making a run for it? There is clearly more to this story than they are telling us, people.
I mean it is super hard to round up chickens, kill them, and dump their body parts in a truck and deliver them to 900 stores! But I wonder if this could have anything to do with their new spokesperson, Reba “Colonel” McEntire. I mean, she was the obvious pick for a new Colonel Sanders, what with the natural resemblance. But some people are not at all happy with this and have complained. No, really.
Because this is a feminist issue! Reba is the first female Colonel Sanders, ya’ll! Well, sort of! Because while some praise her for, as one article puts it, “shattering the grease-soaked napkin ceiling,” others are upset cause the colonel can’t just be a woman, but must be a woman pretending to be a man. So, like, the colonel is now transgender then? I thought he was an real life man who’s been dead for over 30 years, but apparently not. He’s a character. Or she. Or however the colonel chooses to identify, for chicken is fluid.
So I think the problem is clear. Colonel Reba here has taken all the chicken. Because feminism. But KFC will make things right, though it may be over a week. Hang tight. And as another commenter said, “Prayers”.