Facebook News with Alice: Selfies and Shark Attacks
More late breaking news you guys, brought to you again by Facebook, my only source of news save a couple of bloggers who have been letting me know about stuff like the Republican presidential debates, led by Trump, who from brief glimpses at the TV, appears to be arguing with himself. I have not heard yet on the last one from Speaker 7 or List of X, so let us hope they decided to ignore this and are not still in drunken benders trying to forget it.
But right, back to my news. Before I told you guys about Alyssa Milano’s magical pumped breastmilk and how she was really angry that it was not allowed on the plane with the rest the milk that was still stored in her regular boobs. No word on whether airlines will start measuring the amount of liquid in boobs or other organs next. I guess that all depends on whether a terrorist manages to do something really amazing with it first. I’m sure Facebook will keep me informed.
Alyssa is still in the news, yammering about how people won’t accept women breastfeeding, thus giving her excuse to publish lots of pictures of herself breastfeeding. Speaking of pictures, this next piece of news is about selfies! No, not selfies of Kermit with his new girlfriend. Though I also told you guys, via Facebook news, that Kermit and Miss Piggy had broken up, even though no one knew they were together, and they are both puppets. His new girlfriend is also a pig, in case you were wondering. And Kim Davis has already announced that she will not issue them a marriage license.
And before that we had a 100 year old man kill his wife with an ax and a senior citizen having quadruplets (they weren’t related to each other – I don’t think) so you may be wondering – what next, Alice? Here’s a hint.
Yup, this piece is about a report – yes an actual report – that says that more people were killed taking selfies (like the one above taken by a guy running from BULLS who survived but is in big trouble for making this, like, more dangerous?) than were killed in shark attacks in 2015. Several reputable internet news sources have picked up on this, including Yahoo News, but the story I chose comes from Mashable. According to Mashable, the dude who slipped off the Taj Mahal while taking a selfie (not American this time) was the 12th selfie related death this year. In comparison, there have been only 8 deaths from sharks.
This made me wonder a few things. For one, how did they come up with the comparison? They are fairly different things. A selfie is a self-absorbed way for a person to take a picture, whereas sharks are sea animals with big, sharp teeth who rarely ever take photographs (they are reportedly shy). Would you compare these two any other way? For instance: Tourists like to take selfies. Sharks like to eat tourists. How many selfies can a tourist on a beach five miles from the ocean take before a shark traveling 60 miles per hour can eat them? Show your work.
I wouldn’t be surprised if one of those shark related deaths came from someone trying to take a selfie while riding a shark. Or jumping over one on water skis.
Anyone (or their *cough* friend) ever taken a selfie while doing something stupid? Anyone willing to admit it? Let me know in the comments below!