Tag Archives: Lysol

Alice and Merbear’s State of the Hoo-Ha Address

https://i1.wp.com/tigerbeatdown.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/1950s-lysol1.jpg

Merbear: No, Mildred, you smell like fish…stop!

Alice:  holy hell that would have to sting wouldn’t it?

Merbear: Um…ouch…That means it is working.  Feel the burn.

Alice: cleans the canal in the presence of mucus? Oh eww.  wtf kind of mucus matter she got goin’ on there.

Merbear: I think I just barfed in my mouth a bit.  Soda and salt?  In your woo hoo?

Alice: seems an odd place to put it. Now butter I get.

Merbear:  Now, don’t forget to douche with Lysol, says doctor never.  My doctor told me not to douche, actually.

Alice: heck with the douche, I’ll just spray the can up there.

Merbear: I am full of inhibitions baby! Oh yeah, smell me!

Alice:  actually, we tried that once at the library on a bunch of nasty videos and it was not good. Smelled like funk AND lysol.

Merbear: Funky junky.

Alice: I like how her ghost is all freaked out – but wait, your hoo-ha! Don’t let him touch your hoo-ha!

Merbear: Did you notice she has her hand upon her breast?  Like, alas I am so horny.

Alice: well, someone’s gotta get her going – I’m guessing it won’t be him. He’s half done.

Merbear: Yeah, that is a pre ejaculation face if I have ever seen one.

Alice: Let’s hope he killed his germ life too.

Merbear: But Alice, men can’t douche!  They suffer from other manlike issues.

Alice: But how will they insure their daintiness? Oh, right.

Merbear: Have no idea what they do, but those things don’t get hairless themselves.

Alice: True. Hey, no greasy aftereffect! That’s a relief.

Merbear: No, just broken skin.  A bit of inflamed tissue.

Alice: good thing it’s not caustic.

Merbear: I use Lysol to kill poop.

Alice: Speaking of, remember that time I had the hoo-ha issue and then I developed a split personality and started robbing convenience stores?

Merbear: Yes, those were troubling times in Wonderland.

Alice: I’m sure it’s in one of those posts way back when. I was so full of doubts and inhibitions before I started shooting disinfectants up my va-jay-jay.

Merbear:  It IS preferred 3 to 1.

Alice: But by who? The woman? The man? You know maybe that’s why my ex dumped me – I never douched with Lysol. Damn.

Merbear:  Well, go out an get a bottle, and when you are done you can disinfect your toilet.  never neglect your lady bits.

Alice: Right. You should check those parts out daily. Play around. Make sure they’re functioning jussst right. Maybe try a brush.

Merbear: I would so not use that brush after searing my insides with Lysol.

Alice: No pain, no gain. You have to be there for your husband, Mer.

Merbear: Ah, you are right. He deserves a fresh lemon scented koochie.

Alice: I wonder if pine sol would work in a pinch. Do I want my koochie to smell like a pine forest?

Merbear:  Maybe there will be a unicorn sighting.  Perhaps fresh picked cotton..

Alice: jump down, turn around, pick a bale of cotton!

Merbear: House of Pain. Poor Mildred and her hoohaa.  Ghostly Mildred just didn’t have enough energy to fully manifest.

Alice: Yeah, but is it Mildred or ghost Mildred with the smelly um what word have we not used for vagina yet?

Mildred: I have bypassed a few, but I don’t think we used the holiest of holes.

Alice: Ah, that’s a good one

Merbear: Tinker either.

Alice:  I wonder why she’s groping her breast. I mean, she really is.

Merbear: She likes boobs.  Looks like Darren is not disturbed at all.  They need names.

Alice: Yeah, I’m thinking he’s not taking time for a whiff when investigating her “down there.”  Darren works well. He could be like three or four people at least.

Merbear: I mean, this seems to have been an awful scary plight for these woman, am I offensive, are the dishes clean, where are the kids.  I mean, who needs that shit?

Alice: Kids . . . kids, eh. We’ll make new ones honey!  Which is more disturbing a fishy smell or LEMON BLAST?

Merbear: Lemon fresh Mound of venus?

Alice: No, her flower. He put his stem in her pollen

Merbear: My husband said Venus Mantrap.

Alice: ooh that’s a good one. Will have to look up romance books. They have all the good terms.

Hey, once I accidentally sprayed my hair with lysol. True story. It was by the hairspray.

Merbear: Did it make things stiff?

Alice: It wasn’t stiff. I sure did smell weird, though. People were like, sniff, what IS that?

Merbear: You smell so germ free!

Alice:  My brother laughed hysterically. I was still a teenager.

Merbear: I would have laughed myself and then sprayed myself too so you didnt feel alone.

Lemony fresh Wonder Twins!

Alice: Wonder Twins activate – with Lysol!  You know, other me has been cheating with my husband and I was mad but then I realized I could go watch TV in peace.  God I’m glad I didn’t live back then – what year is that ad?

Merbear:  its 1950’s

Alice: ah well of course. How did these women survive? Listerine on your head, up your hoo-ha, lysol all over the place. Honey, what are you doing with the cleaning products OMG

Merbear: I know, how fucked up is that?  yet, also cost effective.

Alice: suddenly I’m thinking of those swiffer commercials. like the bowling ball falling in love with the broom. Just wtf.

Merbear: bleach is sexy.

Alice: does that mean the woman was having an affair with the broom before? Cause it says don’t worry he wont’ be alone . . .maybe she saw Mr. Clean in the floor and got all excited . . .took advantage of that poor broom

Merbear: OMG HOT!

Alice: Erotic kitchen fiction

Merbear: Oh, write some!

Alice: After 50 Shades, anything is possible.