Tag Archives: Mary Alice

Post? What Post?

This post is hereby dedicated to all the posts I forgot to do.  The ideas I said I’d surely continue but never did.  I’m not sure if anyone has noticed this, but about the only ‘series’ I have actually finished is 50 Shades.  That’s a bit sad.  I’m not sure if I have ADD – but I do know I have CRC (can’t remember crap).  Fortunately, either my readers also have CRC or they just don’t care if I finish or not.  But just for the heck of it, I thought I’d bring up the number of ideas I had and then abandoned.  Thanks to this guy.

What'd I do?  Huh?  Got any nuts?

What’d I do? Huh? Got any nuts?

I started with this October and worked my way backwards, cause that’s how I roll.  Backwards.  Anyway, I’m not sure if anyone noticed, but I never did go back and finish the movie recap of this little gem:

I just know you're on the edge of your seat waiting.

I just know you’re on the edge of your seat waiting.

Oddly enough, I have not heard any clamor for, hey, Alice, you only did the first like 15 minutes of this movie!  We really want to see more!  Like more of Jeremy Irons and his No Good, Very Bad Day.

Why, Jeremy, why?

Why, Jeremy, why?

But that’s not all!  Surely you guys remember . . .

Boppo!

Boppo!

My little creation from the disturbed computer game The Sims 2.  haven’t tortured this guy in AGES.  My kids have been most disappointed because I am apparently raising them to be virtual killing machines.  Anyway, I do intend to get back to Boppo eventually, but I got distracted by a little side project that I think you might enjoy even more.  Here’s a sneak peek.

Only think little virtual dolls rather than real ones . . .

Only think little virtual dolls rather than real ones . . .

Who else have I forgotten?  Well, this lady technically belongs on the Wonder Twins blog (see above in the headings for yet another plug for my other blog) but she has been strangely absent.

Mary Alice, where are you???

Mary Alice, where are you???

I’m not sure if the cleaning fumes got to her or she finally had a complete meltdown, killed her husband with a frying pan, and then ran off to the nuthouse.  More likely she’s just still vacuuming.  On the plus side, Marlene has been keeping up appearances.  Marlene is a lot more interesting.  Maybe Mary Alice should find the trampier side of Sears.

Another thing you’ve been missing but you probably haven’t realized you have, which is highly dangerous for your astrological welfare, is my horoscope readings.

Is Jupiter aligned with Mars?  How will you ever know without ME?

Is Jupiter aligned with Mars? How will you ever know without ME?

Just because I get my predictions from the likes of Dove candy wrappers and my own feverish brain does not mean they are any less accurate than the ones you get in your daily paper.  Your newspaper.  You know, it’s made out of newsprint and they throw it on your sidewalk and . . . what’s newsprint?  Oh, never mind.

Speaking of people who can’t read anything longer than a Cosmo article (this includes me), there’s Bambi!  And Dick Head!  The stars of my 50 Shades parody (I swear I can write about other stuff.  Maybe.).

It's me, Bambi, not just another recycled picture you sillies!

It’s me, Bambi, not just another recycled picture you sillies!

I wrote parodies of the first two books but the last one remains unfinished.  It could be because every book in the real series is just a repeat of the one before that, but still.  If I finished the real books, I should finish further insulting James with my parody.  Right?

Oh and there were others, like my weight loss quest (pfft) and my yoga to make me relax quest (double pfft) and so on.  I’m not sure when or if I’m getting back on that horse.  Horses.  Whatever.  Anyway, this was basically the equivalent of a flashback TV show where they insert a bunch of old crap rather than coming up with new stuff, only this post has even less production value.

I guess what I’m wondering is – is there something else to write about?  Should I finish what I started?  I know, if you had ideas, you’d be using them on your blog, right?  But think about it.  Probably your blog doesn’t have much room for squirrels, ponies and buttplugs, but mine does!  So if you have ideas, or you just want me to shut up already, please say so in the comments below.

Ask Mary Alice

Mary Alice, 1950s professional housewife, answers more questions she totally made up – I mean that were submitted by other women. Learn about how to keep hubby and kids occupied for hours!