When I first started reviewing 50 Shades of Awful and Twidud, I figured I’d get some angry fan spittle all over my blog.  Even when I had only a handful of viewers, it wouldn’t have surprised me.  There are some fans so dedicated they will seek out anybody, no matter how small, in order to protect their sacred cow (moooo).  And yet – I never heard a peep.  In fact, one person who was a fan of Shades still thought I was funny and reblogged my post.  Go figure.

Then it happened.  A troll.  A real, live troll!  On my blog!  It was a wondrous day, you guyz.  I had to read the comment a few times to make sure it was real.  It was so much better than the spammers (this blog to read is educational to be coming back soon.)  You’ll never guess what post irritated the reader.  Not 50 Shades, not Twilight, not my occasional political ramblings, not the times I screwed up revered American holidays like Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving.  Nope.

Welcome, troll!

It was Dragon Tales.  It’s been a while since I’ve done a review of awful children’s T.V.  I must get back to this, now that I’ve finished awful adult books.  But the troll was angry!  He or she told me “Dragon Tales is a good show!  It’s for kids, not for 40-year-old fartheads like you!”  Said troll had no blog, just an email address that went something like “dragontalesmaniacalfreakedoutfan.”  Let me tell you, I was deeply saddened by this insult.  For your information, troll, I am NOT forty, okay?

And that’s not all!  There was another comment on another post, this one about how Clifford was either doin’ steroids or exposed to nuclear waste.  It said, and I quote “Again, mean!”  Mean?  Me?  I thought my blog was sweetness and light!  Now I’m all disillusioned.

Sort of like when I saw this show the first time. Those are NOT dragons.

I thought this was the end of it, but I think this person has a whole fan club that is still tracking my blog.  I keep getting hits because of it.  Check out the most recent search words people used to find my blog.  Just today: dragon tales (10), dragon tails (2), dragon tale (1), dragontales (1), and yesterday: dragon tales (11), dragon’s tale (3), dragon tale (1).  And this has been going on for a while now.  It might be my new top search word this year.  It would help if this fan club could figure out how to spell Dragon Tales.

Far out, huh?  This just goes to show you how bizarre the Internet can be.  I suppose I should be thankful to these guys for giving my blog traffic.  Therefore, I’ve decided to review it again.  Here’s the original post for any of you who missed it.  And a clip of the show, too.  Guard your stomachs.

Upon reviewing the show again, dear troll, I have to say . . . it still sucks.  Yeah.  Pretty much.  I mean, yes, it is for children and not adults.  But adults are usually forced to watch this crap too.  Unless they prefer to neglect their children like Max and Ruby’s parents.  (Max and Ruby review coming up, Max and Ruby fans!)  Besides, just because it’s for kids doesn’t mean it can’t have a little quality to it.  For instance, I can watch Sesame Street without gagging as long as I turn it off before the Elmo comes on.  But Dragon Tales makes the mistake of not only being annoying and stupid, but pretentious about it.

So sorry to spill your milk there (everyone makes mistakes, oh yes, they do) but I don’t like it.  Sure the dragons teach the kids Spanish (Why are the dragons Spanish?  Do they also have Russian dragons?  Scottish ones?) but we already had Dora for that (Saltaaaaaaaaaa!)  We didn’t need any more.  I mean, Dora was shrieky and irritating, but at least she didn’t whine nearly as much as these so-called dragons.  So, yeah, review stands.  On the suck-o-meter, we have a ten.  But please – do come back.  I’ll leave the rug cleaner out for you.

Love and kisses,

Alice