“Are you, are you
Coming to the tree
Where they strung up a man
They say murdered three.
Strange things have happened here
No stranger would it be
If we met at midnight
In the hanging tree.”
– “The Hanging Tree” from The Hunger Games
Nothing like The Hunger Games to come up with a happy-go-lucky song like that, huh? I bring it up because I think it fits politics so very well! And not just because I pretend killed almost all presidential candidates in a virtual Hunger Games earlier. You guyz, a strange thing happened, according to Facebook News – tagline: News for Lazy People. No I’m not talking about how Trump said Hillary was not a victim of adultery – because she caused it. I mean, of course she caused it! She wore pant suits and got educated and talked and stuff. Women should not do these things. It’s not natural. It’s not like we could have expected poor Bill to control himself! Wait, did Donald just kind of defend Bill Clinton?
See this is what I’m talking about – strange stuff, guys. But there’s more. Megyn Kelly, Fox News reporter who I love making fun of because of the Santa / Jesus thing (they’re white, white I say!), said something that made sense. I know! I was totally shocked too! Not only that, she defended the Supreme Court’s right to decide on gay marriage. I just . . . whaaaaat? But it’s true, just like before with Santagate, I’ve got video proof!
Like, what the gosh golly gees was that, Megyn? You just argued with the President of the National Organization of Marriage! I mean – there’s a national organization of marriage? How does one get to be president of that? Another commenter on Facebook asked that question, pondering whether it was like calling dibs on the front seat. I’m guessing probably. I’m not sure what this guy does exactly, besides gripe about gays and pick up a paycheck . . . wait that’s what most Republican politicians do also. But what would be the prerequisites for belonging to this organization? Must hate gays, must love marriage (so much so you marry multiple times!), must like showing up on Fox News and stumbling around so much even Megyn can make you look like an idiot, like sharpening pencils. Sounds good to me.
But ANYWAY, my point is that Megyn pointed out that the Supreme Court actually ruled on gay marriage and that, like, made it law. And he complained about having to kowtow to the Supreme Court and she was like, wtf the Supreme Court has the final say on this (that’s why they call them supreme and all), and he invoked the “I don’t know crap about Abraham Lincoln clause” and then she said . . . not making this up – that presidential candidate Huckabee said “Beep you” to the Supreme Court. Which he did! But like she noticed! And he said she was saying Abraham Lincoln was wrong. And – she just sits there with this hilarious expression on her face like she wants to just beat him around some more, but why bother when he’s doing it so well himself? And I had to check that this was indeed Megyn on real life Fox News. Check out her eye roll.
So what could have happened to our Megyn? Did she have like some Biblical moments where the scales fell from her eyes with her fake eyelashes? Did she finally have as much B.S. from Republican blowhards as she could stand? Did she goof up on her cue cards? Is she drunk? I don’t know. But I have found myself agreeing with Megyn Kelly, and as this other commenter pointed out:
“This man is a fucktard, and worse than that, he made me agree with Megyn Kelly. I hate him for that.”
Good point random person from the comment section! See, I am agreeing with things posted in a comment section now! Strange things are happening! Here’s another fabulous Facebook comment:
Could Megyn be turning to the Dark Side (we have cookies AND Cookie Monster!)? I tend to doubt it, but then I saw this. Yes, she’s doing a photo shoot and trying to look like, cough, Katherine Hepburne (blasphemy!) but see what she’s wearing? It’s a pants suit. Sure, call it a power suit, but you just stepped over the Hillary Clinton line, Meg. You even cut your hair. It’s the beginning of the end for you. Better start putting out resumes.
I’m almost sorry Hillary poisoned her in the games. Strange Things. Are you coming to the tree, er polls?
Santa sucks. We all know this. I mean, I’ve been talking about it for how many posts? Still not even close to the number of 50 Shades posts? Eh. Anyway, I’ve been shopping for gifts and thinking of those poor parents who are still playing the Santa game and how this Santa freak is taking all the credit. Adults are getting rightly tired of this crap. Well adults with the exception of Megyn, Fox News anchor, who still believes in Santa, white Santa, because she’s not too bright. That also explains why she can’t spell her name correctly. But most adults do not believe in Santa, and are ready to kick the jolly fat jerk.
Wait, did someone say kick? Guess what? You’re in luck! There is a game that the Things introduced to me – it’s totally educational. No, really. It’s from a Math site, so you can learn Math stuphs while having a reindeer kick Santa toward a chimney. You know the reindeer have totally been waiting for this chance for centuries. As the game goes on, the challenges get greater. Sometimes you have fans blowing Santa into fire and stuph. Or he gets impaled, bloodless of course, on spikes. Because it’s a kid’s game.
Other times he just smashes into walls, and flops down. It’s like his body is made out of stuffing. Like toy Santas. At – at least I think they’re toy Santas. We’re gonna go with toys, not dead bodies of the multiple Santa clones seen in malls the world over.
It’s such a popular game that they have come out with Santa Kicker I, II, and III! I love it when people makes stuff so I don’t have to! Also so I don’t look like the only disturbed individual! Anyway, the best part of this game is that it is free and on the internetz so you can play it anytime! Except work of course! You wouldn’t do that, would you? Of course you would. Go check it out. http://www.coolmath-games.com/holiday-Christmas-games-puzzles/super-santa-kicker/