V-Day? What could that mean? Vaccinate day? Venereal Disease day? Happy New Year? Okay, it’s not Happy New Year, since you could say I missed that one. Along with January. And most of February so far. But hey, I couldn’t miss the most important of days, which is of course Valentine’s Day – though it might involve the other two v days, depending on how you celebrate it.
Or if you celebrate it! I decided to google “Valentine’s Day is . . .” and it turns out people – this will shock you – think it kind of sucks. The first thing I got was “Valentine’s Day is Coming Memes”.
I got very excited about this, especially the article that promised to warm my icy heart. With memes. You might be doubtful about this, oh ye of little faith. But I dideth click on one. There were a lot of super funny memes, like the one where the guy from that office show says yes he has a date for Valentine’s Day and – wait for it – that date is February 14th. Do you get it? It took me a second, and then I
just sat there laughed hysterically. My heart is melted!
Okay I did like this one.
So that was from Bridget (@bridger_w) who took that little snapshot at a Rite-Aid. I now know what to get that special someone.
No more time for “Valentine’s is Coming” memes, though, cause it be right here mah peeps (check out my inclusive language). The second thing to pop up was how much people love this holiday cause it makes them feel super close to their significant other, especially when that other buys them that freaking enormous diamond ring from Jared cause even young children know that Dad is gonna score when he gets their Mom that ring from Jared! And there was nothing at all disturbing about that commercial that played roughly a million times!
Haha, I’m lying of course, because the sentence to pop up next was really “Valentine’s Day is overrated”.
If you’d like to know four, five, ten or even fourteen reasons why this holiday is overrated, all you have to do is google. I can summarize them all for you, though. Valentine’s Day is overrated because it’s a way to make people feel guilty if they don’t get suckered into paying money to retailers in order to prove love to that special person. It also makes people feel lousy if they don’t have someone to make them get suckered into paying money to retailers in order to prove love. This is totally different than Christmas, or birthdays, or anniversaries, etc. because it falls on February 14th. Look! I have a date for Valentine’s Day!
In light of all this negativity, I decided to look up the origins of Valentine’s Day. For all you naysayers out there, it turns out that this holiday is just oozing with happy and love and well this came up first.
Ah those romantic Romans! Executions! That’s just amazing. Two different guys named Valentine get executed on the same day (different years – did he remember or was it luck?) by this Claudius guy, so the Catholic Church martyrs them with St. Valentine’s Day. Clearly the next logical step was to make this day about love and chocolate too, just like Easter!
So there you go, a special Valentine’s Day post. In case you are planning a hot date, don’t forget that once again the perfect movie is out just in time for this day of love and torture!
P.S. Tomorrow the candy is 50 percent off. True love waits.
You may remember that once upon a time I made up some anti-awards to combat the approximately 5 billion well-intended but also incredibly annoying WordPress awards that were being passed around (for example: The Sunshine Award, The Chainmail Award, and the Visit My Blog Award). There was a time when you could get six or seven of these a day! And I wasn’t even that popular. I can only imagine what real bloggers got.
I came back with stuff like the Fruitcake Award (passed around but totally useless), and the much more useful Creeper Award. Because everyone knows a creeper.
Speaking of creepers, lately I’ve been seeing these memes posted up on Facebook. This has been going on for a while now, but sometimes this is done by my friends with good intentions, and my black hole of a mind just can’t help but immediately think of a smart-alack response. For example, this morning my good friend posted the following meme.
Do I love my kids? Of course I do. But there are so many problems with this! First off, what if I don’t share this? Does lack of sharing mean I don’t love my daughters? For another thing, I have two daughters, not one, so do I need to add an “s” to the end or is that already implied? Or should I simply favor one over the other? “I love you, but not you, only so much love kid.” Also you have to ask – are children always blessings? Because sometimes they smart off to you, or worse, your husband by repeating verbatim what the slightly negative thing you said about him last night.
So I came up with my own meme, because the sarcasm is so great in me, and I just can’t let this go.
There are other memes that annoy me, like the happy clappy ones because why should other people be happy, huh? That’s obnoxious. Tone it down. Also annoying are the DEEP THOUGHTS ones. Here’s an example I found.
The picture is all pretty and everything, but a little disturbing because when I see any kind of bridge, pier, or whatever, I think “jump” because I’m me. I also ask questions. How deep is that water? Are there jellyfish? Or sharks? Is the water polluted? You just don’t know.
I’m pretty bad at collecting moments, too. I can’t save time in a bottle either. But I am really good at collecting things. Important things. Like boards I broke off from that pier. Watch your step.
I don’t want to rain on anyone’s daughter, but this is just how I am. If the memes make you feel better, then great! To each his own. But I will continue to like ones like this.