Hi ho, this is Alice, your raving reporter, talking to you from the front lines. Well, actually I’m now safe at home with some cocoa, but I WAS at the front lines at 7 pm Black Thursday at our local Mecca. There’s no news camera to dramatically film me in my blond wig while I squish my face up in a concerned, yet attractive way, so why not report from home?
For that matter, why not SHOP from home? Yes, I realize I’ve spoken about the pitfalls of that, but I’ll tell you one thing. There are no literal pitfalls when you shop online, versus actual pitfalls if you try to shop in person. Like getting trampled by a long line of shopping carts that wraps around the store, filled mostly with stuff they could have safely bought with a click while drinking cocoa.
I’ve decided that the best way to shop on the worst shopping days of the year is to go there with nothing to buy. It also helped to not have anything to spend either. This allowed me to better observe the people. Also to better observe the employees pushing giant dollies in my direction.
And wow, were there people. Keep in mind I waited TWO HOURS after the official sale began here, and it was still bonkers. There were people back to back with shopping carts filled to the brim for what was apparently one of maybe three lines they could check out in? I’m not sure. Anyway, there was a line of carts like a cattle drive. I wanted to say “Mooooo” but these people didn’t look very happy and some were armed with very heavy bake ware.
I did not have a cart, so I was able to weave around most of the people. A few I bumped into and politely said “excuse me” but often I did not get a response. Not a smile, not a nod, just a stiff, determined expression, like a general on his way to battle.
I love the smell of plastic in the evening.
Not all of the store was open, because apparently some of the deals didn’t start until 8 pm. A lot of rows of the store were roped off with, get this, streamers like at parties. But they were thoughtful enough to get actual policemen to guard these pathetic boundaries. Yup, law enforcement to keep people from being homicidal morons in a store right after giving thanks and breaking bread. I love my country.
Since electronics is the main draw on these shopping days, they had spread them throughout the store, thus preventing bottle necking in the actual department. Nothing like shopping for DVDs by the hamburger meat. I found a couple priced two bucks and picked them up for some reason. As if I was going to find a cash register? I think there is something wired in your brain that just commands you to grab this stuff.
I glanced at the aisles filled with cardboard containers that were rapidly emptying. By tomorrow evening, the store will look something like Atlanta after Sherman made a visit. I ended up putting down my videos. A reporter only risks so much, after all.
I made my escape through lawn and garden, ironically the place where they store all the ornaments, actual Christmas trees, etc. Who cares about that stuff? There were cheap toys and bed sheets, and PJs and TVs, and I was so above that.
Unlike them, I’d already clicked for my junk. I suddenly don’t feel so bad about the whole online thing. It certainly beats the cattle drive.
This is Alice, your faithful reporter, signing off. Have a happy Black Friday. Try not to die. 🙂
Oh, I almost forgot, I am thankful to two bloggers, Victoria of Angst Anarchy and H.E. Ellis of the blog, er, H.E. Ellis for sending me their signed books. Check out the links to find out more about these books. I won them, that’s right I WON, in that blog hop thing we had a while back. You should take part in that – you don’t have to shop if you win. Anyway, I was pretty stoked about the whole thing. I plan to read them soon.
No prizes today, but feel free to read the funny bloggers on this list. It’s safer than venturing out THERE.