I was feeling a little down and maybe a teensy bit scared what with the country supposedly electing a giant orange cheeto racist sexist xenophobic highly dangerous manbaby to office. Then, bit by bit, I started letting myself watch political comedy. It’s where I get most of my news because at least they deliver it with less of a blow.
Well as much as possible as one can do that.
Anyway, I realized that I didn’t have to just hide in my blanket fort. That’s not because things are all better now. It’s not because everything is going to be okay. It’s because you have to survive somehow, and I’ve survived quite a few unfunny things including chronic illness, depression, and anxiety with humor. My post about my pneumonia got some of the best responses ever. I was hilarious in my suffering. Okay, not so much at the time. But when you look at life, there is madness, there is cruelty, but there is also that hope and love crap, and there is always a certain degree of the absolute ridiculous. We live in Wonderland, now more than ever.
You might be asking “But, Alice, how can you call the crappery he is dishing out humorous? He wants to register Muslims! He wants to reverse all progress on civil rights! He influences people to write “Trump” on Starbucks cups!” Some people have talked about how to handle this. Donate to a planned parenting clinic, or a support center for gay rights, or whatever other thing he’s planning on destroying in the next few years. And that’s a good thing, but for me, I want something that gives people like our president-elect more of a kick in the . . . pants.
More on that in a bit. I watched a clip of the Late Show, where Stephen Colbert, like so many of the rest of us, possibly even like Trump himself, is trying to make sense of what just happened. No one knows, but the good thing is that while some of the stuff Trump wants to do, or at least is not opposed to doing, is truly horrible, there is quite a bit that is truly stupid, and as you know, I like to laugh at stupid people.
Here’s just a few:
Twitter: The dufus is still tweeting. And his tweets are just as intellectual as ever. Like in response to the protests in the street, there was “Unfair.” When a reporter asked one of his representatives why he was still tweeting, the man replied “Because it relaxes him.” Right. Ever thought of giving him a puzzle? Maybe cookies and juice? A nice long nap? No? Okay let him tweet.
Alone time: Trump tried to sneak out for a private dinner, avoiding the reporters. This would have been easier without the line of secret service cars running along with him. You know how you wanted to be in the spotlight? Now you are! Every single second! Enjoy!
Starbucks: Trump supporters, unhappy that the CEO of Starbucks endorsed Hillary Clinton, have decided to tell Starbucks employees to write “Trump” on their cups by way of protest. Yes, you heard right. They are boycotting a coffee house by buying more overpriced coffee. Nevermind the complete logic gap, what I find most amusing is that there are still Trump supporters. I have something to say to these very confused people.
Psst: You won. You can stop now.
What they don’t seem to realize is that, like when Obama was elected, people must eventually accept the peaceful transfer of power. But they don’t have to enjoy it, and they don’t have to be nice about it either. Yes, throwing bottles and lighting things on fire are not good, but for the most part, the protests have been peaceful. And there is more than one way to protest. As Trevor Noah of The Daily Show said, while we cannot block this idiot, we can troll him.
And troll we will. After one comedy show, I saw this comment, and I think it is awesome.
“The jokes are better now than they were for the last three months. Trump’s Presidency is going to be one hilarious moment after another until will all die.”
Think of it like a water slide. There are going to be lots of twists and turns and you’re gonna hit some obstacles like say giant razor blades, but you don’t know when they are coming because you can’t see too far ahead, and you don’t want to, so you might as well enjoy the ride while you can. And as far as the fear that Trump raises in people, fear I do not laugh at, I have this to say.
Trump wants all Muslims to register? Here’s the plan. It’s so simple, that I wish I had thought of it. We all register Muslim. Every one of us. Of course we aren’t all really Muslim, but let him figure out which ones are which, and see how well that goes. Even Megyn Kelly was freaked out about the idea of basing a registry of a group of people off the freaking Japanese Internment camps. Same lady who argued that Santa and Jesus were white!. If she’s freaked out, then a lot of other people are going to be as well.
That up there – registering as Muslim to protect other Muslims, is not a hashtag. It’s an action. And there are more actions you can take. Remember how I mentioned you could donate to threatened organizations like Planned Parenthood or the Human Rights Campaign? You totally should donate – even if it’s a dollar – and then, just like the Starbucks people, you should donate in someone else’s name.
Like Trump. Or Pence. Or anybody else you want. They’ll get a thank you card in the mail. And won’t they be pleased! You can even do this for your alt-right friends and family at Christmas, though I recommend not actually being there when the gift arrives. Remember many of these people have guns.
So we aren’t helpless here. We are in an awful situation, but we are not helpless. And to those who are most at risk, they do not have to be alone. Because we are America. And we can stand together to protect those who need it. But don’t forget to get your jollies in at the same time.
Trump and Pence and their cronies are going to make a lot of people they hate very happy this year.
And the letters are F and U! Just kidding! No, it’s Merry’s birthday and she did a post for me, which means I should do one for her. My post-making has not been awesome lately, but you do what you have to do, even if it is literally on the day it’s due. So I made her a picture and stuff, cause I couldn’t even make the balloons on Facebook. I tried, but it kept trying to make me celebrate my OWN birthday, which I didn’t want to do again, especially when it was her turn. I hate Facebook and their stupid celebration stuff. Boo.
She’s 42 today! Which is awesome, cause that means she’s made it 42 years even with death and disease and terrorism and Trump! I mean, you think of ALL the things that could kill you literally any second and it’s amazing any of us are here! We could get run over by trucks today! Wait. This does not sound like a birthday post. Sorry!
In all seriousness, I do count Mer among my best friends because even though we haven’t met in person, like my other close friends, she has been here for me. Sometimes more than others can cause she’s on the other side of the screen all the time. Well, not all the time, I mean she goes to the bathroom and sleeps, but often she’s there. And she helps me through the day. Which is all any of us can do. What with genocide and hurricanes and all.
We met with a Fruitcake award, and made ourselves super heroes, and we are still hanging out, even if it’s on the web. So happy birthday to my Wonder Twin. And many more!
Saying we don’t have the Apocalypse! We can share a bunker!