I have a very healthy guilt complex, and in turn a great punishment system. Whap, Alice, do not do that anymore. Bad, Alice, BAAAAD.
On the other hand, I also have that little bit of rebel in me that says “Hey MAN, you aren’t my DAD” and then does the stuff anyway.
You might realize this is a bit of a vicious cycle. When I wrote my last post, I really meant it as tongue in cheek. Yes, it’s an issue, but I haven’t spent us out of house and home, so it’s not that big of a . . .
Okay, okay! So I have an issue I must get to the bottom of presently. My recent need to overspend on stuff, vs my former need to never spend. I need to get to the bottom of this cesspool of dolly evilness. Why am I compelled to spend, then feel anxious about it? I mean I’m anxious if I don’t, and anxious if I do, so either way I’m around a mad person.
There is a need here. I mean we all have needs to fill, and we all fill them with some sort of stuff, whether it’s doing yoga in a hot room till you pass out, or eating lots of CAKE, or playing Xbox games, or doing responsible stuff like eating vegetables and working and . . . shudder. So once you find the need, you no longer have to buy the stuff.
Except you don’t have to torture yourself over it either. It’s totally okay sometimes to spend. And I have stickers, peeps, stickers that show I didn’t spend every single day. Except on the stickers, cause you know . . . quit chastising meeeee!
I did realize after getting irritated at some of the responses to my “Buy it All” post that I was actually asking for forgiveness and reassurance, and annoyed when I didn’t get it. Or just annoyed that people didn’t just think it was funny. I’m sure it has something to do with past experiences and what we bring to the table. But come on, the spending song was fun!
Well, I thought it was.
But it’s not actually your responsibility to make me feel better about myself. That’s my counselor’s responsibility. Hahahaha . . . okay, fine, it’s mine, but she does a pretty good job too. She rarely hits me with a rod, because she knows I do that too much myself. Also I probably would stop paying her.
So does this mean I am a spoiled child? Spare the rod, you know, spoil the child. What an odd saying. Like beat that kid, because if you don’t, he’ll be all like rotten fruit, all mushy, which is what the kid will be if you keep beating him with that rod. Talk about a conundrum there.
What to do, what to do? I’ll stop hitting myself with the rod for a while and wait for all of you to figure it out. I have to go shop some more at the Disney store.
THEY MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE THEY SAID IT THEMSELVES!
I have developed a slight spending problem, which is really interesting since only a month ago I could hardly spend at all. I wouldn’t let myself buy anything, especially not anything possibly considered “frivolous”. There were times I’d leave entire carts of (non-perishable) items because I couldn’t bear to spend money on them, no matter what it was, and was too depressed to go return the items where they belonged. (Sorry Mecca employees.)
Now I get my best exercise going to big chain stores like Mecca, grabbing items on clearance (they often mark things down but don’t reflect it on the sticker) and running them over to the price checker. Total thrill when it comes up cheaper. If not, or I still don’t want to buy it, I return it right where it belongs, then grab something else. Rinse, repeat. When the price checkers aren’t working, I really don’t know what to do. I don’t like having an employee scan it, because they tend to not want to stay by a pole until you return with three more items. Did I mention the Abilify med I’m on makes me restless but also extremely active? To a somewhat psychotic point?
It beats being down, though, and I love it. But there is another issue. Seems my extreme self-control has been loosened, which is not that bad, except that I really have to watch it now when I add up the amount I spent on NEEDED merchandise for my online doll series that is watched by at least three people. Or my Disney / Barbie collection in general. I used to collect expensive dolls, so spending 100 and then nothing else for a long time was no big deal. But when you do it in increments of 10, 20, 30, etc, it’s like just eating one slice of cake. Then going back for another slice. And just one more.
On the plus side, not everything I want is in the stores, or at least, not at the right price. Unfortunately, there is INTERNETZ. And it’s even easier to just use your card and go CLICK and buy more stuff. Then you get packages in the mail and it’s totally like Christmas except after a while you sort of have to run home and hide the stuff so the others in your family don’t realize quite how much Christmas you are giving yourself in October and November.
But most of it I was saving for Christmas presents for my children. No, seriously, except that after a while there wasn’t much more storage space, and I had to admit that they hadn’t actually asked for a lot of it, though they’d of course like playing with it. So I’ve just started opening some of them so we could play with them now. That way Christmas is not so overwhelming. And what are toys for, but to play with? (Don’t keep them in the box! They suffocate! Have you not seen Toy Story???)
But even though I’ve never gotten us in the red, still I needed to curb the spending every day and I figured, what better way than a sticker chart? I got some stickers (Guess which kind? You will never guess.) and made it three whole days before I cracked this morning and bought this thing that had been out of stock for weeks but now it was in and if I didn’t buy it’d be gone in no time because everyone knows Mickey and Amazon have no soul.
My ten-year-old accountability partner will be so ashamed. I bet she gets her sticker for not having her bad habit today. Oh, well. I’m not sure why I feel worse about buying collectibles (even that sounds better than “toys”). I mean, aren’t most electronics technically toys, only with higher price tags? And who doesn’t have a smart phone or a tablet or an Xbox or something of that nature by now? Huh?
Do you guys have spending issues? If so, what is your weak spot?
I’ll get back on the spending sobriety wagon tomorrow I guess. I came up with a little ditty appropriately to the tune of “Let it Go”.
Let it go, Let it go
Don’t hold onto it anymore
Go ahead, spend your dough
You know you want to, oh!
Why do you care
What they’re going to say
The bank won’t foreclose
At least not until you miss some more payments . . .
I know I have medical bills
But those things are so dull
And the collectors they can’t do too much
If my wallet is now not full
It’s time for me to slow it down
To stop the spend merry-go-round
It’s okay to buy but not so much
Only guilt, only guilt!
You spent too much you git
Oh but hey, it’s okay
Perfection’s never possible anyway . . .