Tag Archives: playing with dolls
So I don’t know if you remember, but the Things and I were working on the first annual Disney Hunger Games. My original hope was that if this took off we could then put actual Disney Channel actors into the games and have them fight it out. Oh I wouldn’t kill them, just mess up their overcaked makeup a little and see how fast they can run in those spike heels that every kid naturally wears to real high school. Anyhoo – if you’re interested in seeing how all this started, here’s a link (LINK DROP) to the beginning of this fabulous idea that any day now Disney, or probably one of their enemies, is going to pay me big money to produce for them.
Like many great endeavors, at least mine, this one has not taken off due to us being very busy what with starting school, sharing germs, randomly scanning the internet, staring into space, and whining that it is too hot to take the dolls outside. But I will say that we did at least get the first day of the games completed, and those pictures have been patiently waiting on my computer to see the light of day. This is some great stuff people, better than all that gossip about that reality show about the family with 27 kids who shockingly are not quite as religious as they said they were.
So here we go. Day one. The contestants are gathered in the arena! It might resemble a trampoline, but don’t be fooled by our small budget. It’s an arena. Whoever guesses what we used for the Cornucopia (where the contestants fight to the death for swords and backpacks and stuff) gets a gold star.
Let the games begin! We will see what their beginning strategies are – will they go for the weapons, Target back packs, gum, etc? Or will they head for the hills in terror?
This is much like the Price is Right, if on the Price is Right the contestants had to bid on the Showcase Showdown while under enemy fire. A show of hands for everyone who thinks that would make an awesome game show!
The timer goes off, and there are heroes go – many off into the forest in a panic. Ain’t nothin’ worth an arrow, not even the bag of Doritos. But a few brave souls ventured toward the cornucopia, including Mulan, Li Shang, Merida, the triplets, Beast, and probably a couple others we don’t remember. Aladdin and Flynn wisely sent their animal companions. Prince Phillip, another of the few princes who actually, at one time anyway, came equipped with a sword, had to first take Aurora out of harm’s way, because she had once again fallen asleep.
Unfortunately, we weren’t able to get all the footage due to an unfortunate computer SD card incident. No I do not have a fancy smancy smart phone that does awesome pictures just like that. If you would like to send me one, email me at email@example.com and I’ll happily give you my address. Thank you.
There were pictures, no really, of all the awesome weapons including a bow and arrow, a mace, an axe (all from a Singing Merida playset – no seriously, all were accessories. Best girl doll ever.), a sword, a lightsaber, some armor, and various other crap we could fit in the
hamster playground er Cornucopia! Which is not at all like a horn of plenty, unless said horn was packed with weapons, which would have made for a more interesting Thanksgiving story.
There were also awesome fighting pictures, but things got a little blurry. Merida fired an arrow into John Smith’s behind, and Mulan kicked Phillip right in the family jewels. It was fantastic, I mean horrific mass hysteria. Here is one preserved shot.
Sadly, we also had our first deaths. First was Tinkerbell, knocked down hard when Beast muttered that he did not believe in fairies. And then Peter Pan tried to take revenge, but due to his current tiny size, he was accidentally stepped on by the Beast. The beast felt kind of bad about it. But then came the worst, most gruesome, death of the day.
Snow White, attracted by the shiny apple in the cornucopia, picked up a bow that was in the way. And then the Brave triplets arrived.
That’s right, we’ve gone hard core and it’s gonna be tough to swing that G rating now, but if Hunchback of Notre Dame could do it, there’s hope. There were some injuries as well. Aladdin was hurt by friendly fire when Abu turned rabid and gave him a big love bite. Will our favorite street rat survive?
Here’s where you guys come in! In the story, fans were able to give their favorite contestants stuff to help them – like water, soup, burn cream, and anti-monkey venom. If you want to help them in some way, just write it in the comments. And please remember to think on poor Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, and Snow White, who gave their lives for a pointless game that I just made up.
Any ideas for next time? Let us know in the comments below!
So we’re back again. I apologize for the length of time between posts (in case you’ve noticed or something) but programming is a real pain what with the writer’s strike and all. But we’re back to finish off the interviews so that we can then finish off the contestants. And now, once again, is everyone’s favorite sociopath, Prince Hans.
First up are our tributes from Agrabah, that great city where they cut off your ear if they don’t like your face (actual original lyrics). Let’s give a warm welcome to Aladdin.
Next is Aladdin’s beautiful prize er bride, Princess Jasmine.
Next we have . . . oh wait there seems to be a problem. Did Hans lose something important?
Moving on, we have the tributes from the China-ish district. Everyone give it up for Mulan!
Next up the commander in chief who looks really nice with his shirt off (so some say) and sings the best song ever about being a man. Uh, anyway, let’s get down to business and say hello to Li Shang.
Our final interviews, at last! Let’s hear some from the Hairland district, starting with Flynn Rider.
Welcome Rapunzel, she of the really, really, really long hair . . . that she once had but now is short and brown. Except when she apparently wears blond wigs to please the children cause let’s face it, that’s her whole calling card there, the hair.
While Hans searches for his stolen property, let us wish luck to our candidates out there. May the best, or sneakiest, person win. You can still get your votes in to see 1) Who wins 2) Who bites it first . . . and second and third and so on . . .and 3) Just how deranged is Alice? Here are some earlier votes:
List of X
I’m going to go with Team Mulan. Unlike many others in the Games, they both have had military training and know how to survive in the wilderness. Also, if I remember correctly, Mulan has a pet fire-breathing dragon (which she should make sure to keep away from Philip) which is great for reconnaissance and starting fires.
I’ll tell you how Cinderella is going to win – just before the games, a fairy godmother is going to show up and give Cindy some combat boots, an M-16 rifle with unlimited ammo, and a tank to ride to the arena. The only condition is that she’ll have to kill everyone before midnight.
The one with the triplets, or the last one…sorry but I’m too lazy to keep them straight. Of course, they will probably go first.
Merida or Mulan I predict will be finalists.
I bet the winner will be someone quite unexpected. I’m betting Ariel will either die first or win.
Personally, I’m rooting for the raccoon thing from Pocahontas. What the hell was his name…?
So we’ve got a couple votes in for Mulan and Merida, a possible win or death for Ariel, and the raccoon thing from Pocahontas. There’s still time to get your guesses in before the games begin! Winners will get Evil Squirrel’s Sparkly Pony from my last contest. He doesn’t know he’s donated yet, but it just seems proper. Or maybe just the knowledge that you, yes you, predicted who would massacre the most princes and princesses in a pretend contest on a silly blog. You could put it on your resume!
See you soon. And may the odds be forever in your favor.