Printer Troubleshooting Guide

Always read your manual

On your computer, hit the print button on the document you want to print*

Problem: 50 page print job sent to the black and white printer, when you clearly sent it to the enormous, overly complicated color printer downstairs.

Color is better because little children jump right off the page! They do.

Check your manual.  Go to section titled “Cancelling a print job”.  Duh.

Cancelling a Print Job

1. Hit “cancel button”
2. Hit every button
3. Yell at printer to stop
4. Frantically jump up and down while yelling at printer to stop
5. Smack printer
6. Unplug printer and start over
7. Printer will now say “Paper Jam”

Smack printer repeatedly. Ignore musical paper.

Check your manual.  Go to section titled “Removing a paper jam”.  Double duh.

Removing a Paper Jam

1. Read instructions on printer to open one of the printer doors
2. Try to open the indicated door
3. Well, pull harder on the door
4. Yell at door to open
5. Threaten printer with bodily harm
6. Smack printer
7. Find easy-to-use button and pop open the door.  Remove paper.
8. No paper?  Just shut the door and maybe the printer will forget that one.
9. Printer will now say “Paper Jam” and indicate another door.
10. Repeat steps 2-6
11. Pull out toner making sure to get ink on your new sweater
12. Remove paper (or just stare at the empty roll) and replace toner.
13. Printer will now say load paper
14. There is paper in the drawer?  Put some more in anyway.
15. Hit print button on computer again, clearly indicating color printer
16. Black and white printer will now say “Paper Jam” and indicate paper drawer

Example: Something is dead in your printer. This could cause a problem.

Check your manual.  Go to section on Devices and Printers.  You are like, so dense.

Printing to the right printer

1. Problem?  Printer is printing to a color printer that no longer exists
2. It is just being helpful by sending it to the black and white one that does exist
3. Find new color printer under Devices and Printers tab (Try reading the section in “English” not “Japanese” this time.  Yes there IS a difference.)
4. The Devices and Printers tab is on your start menu on your computer
5. Yes it is
6. Look for missing printer on this tab.
7. Keep looking.
8. Inform currently listed color printer that it no longer exists and should then disappear
9. Call I.T.  Try not to sound so pathetic.
10. They have gotten the right printer installed again?  Great!  Hit print button on your computer and print your document
11. Go to color printer.
12. Printer will read “Printer Asleep”
13. Wake it up.  By. any. means. necessary.
14. Seek new employment

I’ll teach you to talk to me like that!

See?  Easy!  Be careful with that hammer!

Alice

*If this doesn’t work, see section You’re Just Screwed.