Tag Archives: readers

50 Shades Special Edition: Mad Libs!

I had so much fun reading your mad libs, that I just had to show them off to everybody.  My refrigerator wasn’t quite big enough, and if I listed all of them on the next recap, the recap would be several pages long – er.  So I’m dedicating a special post to them.  I simply must do another of these things soon.
For those not in the know, I created the original mad lib from a random paragraph in 50 Shades Freed and took out random words.  My readers filled in the rest.  The scary thing is that they all made about as much sense as the actual paragraph.  Except they were a lot funnier.  This is the original mad lib:
Look, it's Christian on the cover.  And he brought friends!

Look, it’s Christian on the cover. And he brought friends!

“Do you want a _____, a ____?  What do you ___, Ana?”  Christian ______ at me and I know he’s _____ – my lost ____ dealing with events beyond his _____.  He’s been ______ and ______ all afternoon.  This is a ______ he cannot manipulate and ______.  This is _____ in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s_____ and _____ now.  My____, ____ 50 Shades.

Here we go.

“Do you want a STD, a baby?  What do you suck, Ana?”  Christian shat at me and I know he’s got diarrhea – my lost buttplug dealing with events beyond his schlong.  He’s been stupid and pungent all afternoon.  This is a bitch he cannot manipulate and train.  This is my vagina in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s one and done now.  My shitty, idiotic 50 Shades.” – twindaddy

Vagina in the raw cracked me the hell up.  Well done, twindaddy!  And no doubt true in Ana’s case.

“Do you want a balloon animal, a platypus?  What do you smash, Ana?”  Christian shanghaied at me and I know he’s ionized – my lost piglet dealing with events beyond his phantasmagoria.  He’s been photosynthesizing and fluorescing all afternoon.  This is a jeroboam he cannot manipulate and how.  This is mucus in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s buccaneering and curtseying now.  My poultry, emasculate 50 Shades.” – goldfish

As usual, goldfish’s vocabulary continues to astound and amaze me and crap I’m sounding like James now.  I think offering her a balloon animal or a platypus either one would have to make her feel better.  But what about the poor piglet?

I'm sure Christian would give her a balloon ram.

I’m sure Christian would give her a balloon ram.

“Do you want a dummy, a nappy?  What do you want, Ana?”  Christian burped at me and I know he’s ridiculous – my lost sense of self dealing with events beyond his mental aptitude.  He’s been acting like a child and throwing his toys all afternoon.  This is a situation he cannot manipulate and somehow he still doesn’t realize how stupid he is.  This is egotism in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s a caricature of himself of himself and bloody annoying now.  My crappity, crap crap 50 Shades.” – kirstenhywhyte

I just love this one for so many reasons.  I can see Christian acting like a child and throwing his toys – come to think of it, that’s what he’s doing when he throws Ana around.  Crappity crap crap, indeed.

“Do you want a shit, a crap? What do you think, Ana?” Christian waved his ‘down there’ at me and I know he’s got an STD – my lost puppy dealing with events beyond his ‘down there’. He’s been crying and wailing all afternoon. This is a catastrophe of epic proportions that he cannot manipulate and shit. This is eggs in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s going to go celibate and I wish I had a brain now. My poor, little poopsy 50 Shades.” – Miss Four Eyes

OMG, laughing hysterically here.  No, Christian, don’t wave your “down there” and show off your STD!  We don’t need to be introduced!

“Do you want a butt plug, a butt plug? What do you butt plug, Ana?” Christian butt plugged at me and I know he’s butt plugged – my lost butt plug dealing with events beyond his butt plug. He’s been butt plugged and butt plugged all afternoon. This is a butt plug he cannot manipulate and butt plug. This is butt plugged in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s butt plugged and butt plugged now. My butt plug, butt plug 50 Shades.” – faithhopechocolate

Sweet and simple.  You can insert buttplug into any sentence in 50 Shades.  Get it?

“Do you want a doing, a winner? What do you analyst, Ana?” Christian attacks at me and I know he’s underneath – my lost qualifying dealing with events beyond his fleet. He’s been temper and entering all afternoon. This is a rabbit he cannot manipulate and formula. This is bundle in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s killing and substance now. My oval, buttery 50 Shades.” – thelesbiannextdoor

She used a random word generator for this one.  I think we’ve now figured out the secret to how James writes her books.  Buttery 50 Shades is fabulous.

So there you go.  50 Shades of hilarity.  Stay tuned tomorrow for the next buttplug, er, 50 Shades recap.

Obligatory Search Terms Post

I’ve seen some other blog posts detailing the interesting, odd, and sometimes just plain disturbing search terms that people use to find your blog.  These search terms are handily gathered by WordPress on the Stats page (that I know none of you ever look at, right?)  I figured I’d give mine a look-see, even though with some of my content (cough, 50 Shades of crap, cough) I was somewhat nervous.  Here are 20 of my most interesting / odd / disturbing results starting with the most used first.

1.      aliceatwonderland

This is actually comforting, because 17 times someone found my blog by actually putting in my name.  At least I think they did.  It’s possible they don’t know the real title to Alice in Wonderland.  Either way, I’ll take it.

They like me, Pinky! They really like me! Or maybe just buttplugs!

2.      ana wants beat because she is wet

Yeah.  Um, this one was used four different times.  Either there are four somewhat icky people, or one person who was interested enough in the topic to use this term four times and find me every time.  I thought about trying to find myself with this, and then decided it wouldn’t be worth the computer STDs I would get in return.

3.      cancer weekly horoscope

I have a suspicion they found dove candy wrapper fortunes a little odd.  Then again, we’re talking people who read horoscopes, so maybe it was right on the money.  This one came up four times.

4.      the blue paw print is a “blues’s clues”, telling you this object is important in some way.

Well, I did do a snarky children’s tv review of Blue’s Clues, but it’s weird that this exact term was used three times.  Then again, the concept is pretty hard for Joe, so maybe it is for others as well.

I bet it was these guys using that search term.

* The rest of these got 1 hit a piece, although I have grouped similar ones together with a /.

5.      reviews of 50 shades of alice

There are fifty shades of me?  I probably reached several of those while I was sick.

6.      fifty shades of crap

I like that one just because.

7.      san franco ca.free things for people on SSI

Fairly certain I have never written about this topic, but maybe I missed something.

8.  50 shades buttplug scene / 50SoG buttplug / butt plugs / glass bling butt plug

I’m so proud of this

9.  horse tail buttplug sex pics

 This I’m a little disturbed about.

I’m just thinking of this pony, okay?

10.  riding crops

I wonder if they were looking for actual riding equipment there.  If so, oopsie.

11.  why fifty shades of grey makes women mad at their husbands

Because their husbands don’t beat them like Christian does?  I dunno.

12.  dragon playroom

The Red Room O’ Pain suddenly got more interesting.

13.  coo coo ca choo alice

This one is my absolute favorite.

14.  alice mon crack

Am I a Jamaican druggie?

Try some, it’s totally cool, mon.

15.  infantilize children lazy

Huh?

16.  whore mommy / whore mom / mommy whore

So sweet!

17.  50Sog tampon / 50 SoG ice cream

I’ll take what does Christian put in and take out of Ana for 200, Alex

18.  ana steele even stupider in 50 Shades Darker

Bingo!

19.  inner goddess balls

I’d like to see those

Sooo . . . this on some vaginal balls? Maybe?

20.  french canadian clown / a clown eating pictures

Oh, Le Clown, you do inspire!  Others to my blog.  Thanks.  They might go to you looking for buttplugs now, though, so I’d keep an eye on your search terms.

This has been quite the experience delving into the pit of scum and villainy that is the Internets.  And my readers!  People love me, they really do!  Also buttplugs.  And horse sex pics.  I’m going back to the My Little Pony pic now.