If you’ve heard anything about the recent Republican Convention (I get my news from comedians – they are better fact checkers), then you know that Donald has been ripping off songs for his political campaign. This makes bands like Queen feel really stabby considering they hate Trump, and do not think he’s “the champion”, unless he means champion of a-holes. He’s also stolen “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” from the Rolling Stones, but it actually is a rather apropos song for him. We are definitely not getting what we want. No satisfaction here, man.
Now if this were any other Ann Coulter type jerk, you could ignore him, but this is a – dear God – viable candidate for president of the United States. There is no point in listing the awful things he has said. Better to simply make a list of the decent things he has said. It’s tiny. Like his hands.
But when I heard this song I’m about to show you, it just made total sense. “Big Time” by Peter Gabriel. Illustrated with pictures. I’m sorry, Peter, please forgive me.
I’m on my way, I’m making it
I’ve got to make it show, yeah
So much larger than life
I’m going to watch it growing
He’s referring to his hands uh hand here.
The place where I come from is a small town
They think so small
They use small words
He didn’t come from a small town, but he does know the little people because he employs them.
But not me
I’m smarter than that
I worked it out
I’ve been stretching my mouth
To let those big words come right out
Donald does love to talk about his degrees (I’m sure he did not have any help whatsoever) and how smart he is. Very smart. And he says he knows big words! Gonna build a wall. A big wall. A beautiful wall. Clearly an intellectual. And no one stretches his mouth farther than Donald.
I’ve had enough, I’m getting out
To the city, the big big city
I’ll be a big noise with all the big boys
There’s so much stuff I will own
He is definitely a big noise in the big big city, and has enough money to play with the “big boys”, especially those giving corporations, who are people, you know. And does he own stuff? Guys, he’s about to own the presidency of the United States. I joked earlier about him putting Trump on the White House in big letters but – look, just – look what he did at the convention and tell me this isn’t a realistic possibility.
And I will pray to a big god
As I kneel in the big church
My parties all have big names
And I greet them with the widest smile
Tell them how my life is one big adventure
And always they’re amazed
When I show them ’round my house, to my bed
I had it made like a mountain range
With a snow-white pillow for my big fat head
He has big parties, with big names, you guys, like wrestlers. Some call it a “convention” but clearly it was a party for Donald. There were huge balloons, lots of guys who appeared to be high on something, and it carried a very high chance of the cops being called.
People all over are amazed at Donald and his fancy house and his giant head. Adventure!
And my heaven will be a big heaven
And I will walk through the front door
You might get through the front door, Donald, but I don’t think you’re getting past security.
Big time big time
My car is getting bigger
My house is getting bigger
My eyes are getting bigger
And my mouth
My belly is getting bigger
And my bank account
Look at my circumstance
And the bulge in my big big big big big big big
Thank you greatly for not finishing that last line, Peter. So you see? What a great song I’ve ruined. One that used to sound over the top, but not now! Now it’s presidential!
Excuse me while I find my cave. I’ll require big white pillows for the screaming.
Any other songs you can think of that describe our candidates or the election in general? I’m thinking *”It’s the End of the World as We Know it” and “Highway to Hell” would be good choices.
*Wait Trump and Cruz both used that one already. Really.