You know, there are a lot of reasons I hate 50 Shades of Grey. And if you read my blog, you will discover that I’ve complained about this book more than is probably healthy. But one thing I haven’t complained about is the possibility of this book leading people to Satan. That’s a new one for me.
Speaking of Satan, anyone else watch “Days of Our Lives” in the 90s? I did because I was a college student then and it came on at noon. Perfect lunch fare, if like crazy with your burger. My favorite storyline had to be the one where Marlena was possessed by Satan. Anyone else remember that one? Just me? Eh, well, no matter, it was awesome. See there were all these murders and stuff happening in Salem and everyone figured it was no-neck Stephano cause who else caused trouble but it wasn’t it was SATAN acting through psychologist (that always made me giggle) Marlena. You could tell she was possessed because of the impressive yellow contacts and the disembodied voice. It was a whale of a lot of fun.
But some people didn’t think so. Namely the Catholic Church people. They were pretty mad about this, even though just a week before that storyline started teenage Sami drugged her sister’s boyfriend, mutton headed Austin, into sleeping with her. Not a blink on that one, but Satan? Yeah, they were pretty annoyed. In the church’s defense, I will admit that Satan appearing in a soap opera is not as common as drug induced sexy times appearing on a soap opera, so I’m sure they felt they had to pick their battles.
But what does this have to do with 50 Shades of Grey? Well, see, there are some religious folk that do not want women to read this because the sexy times in this book might lead women to sin. So it’s kind of like Sami reading 50 Shades, getting possessed by the devil, and boinking her sister’s boyfriend. That’s what they are afraid of here. Well, kind of. In case you think I’ve just gone off the deep end, I do have links.
First up is this one from buzzfeed about the Christian backlash against 50 Shades of Grey. Dannah Gresh, a Christian author, thinks reading this book is a form of adultery against your husband. Oh, okay, so – say what? She says, “anything other than my husband creating arousal in me would be missing the mark of God’s intention.” She also argues that reading stuff like this could cause women to not be able to enjoy sex with their husbands. I don’t know, I think one reason why women are reading this book is because they already don’t enjoy sex with their husbands. I don’t think Gresh has to worry about me, though, because I find the book about as arousing as dental floss. So my soul is safe.
The next article is even weirder. Sally Quinn of the Washington Post thinks that women have found God in Christian Grey. I didn’t realize God was into that sort of relationship. Quinn says, “We all live in our own Red Room of Pain (private hell) for some part of our lives. Fifty Shades shows heaven can exist as well, and shows us a way to experience some of that overpowering bliss on earth.” I don’t think so. If anything, these books prove there is a Hell and we are in it right now.
Finally, there is this article that has really made the rounds with people. A hotel owner decided to replace all the Gideon Bibles with copies of 50 Shades of Grey. He wondered, “. . . about the sense of providing a book, the Gideon Bible which no one reads, and many dislike, in the bedside cabinet of our hotel bedrooms, instead of a book which everyone wants to read, such as Fifty Shades of Grey.” Wait, what? Look, I am far from the most faithful gal out there, but I think I’d be trading my copy in for the Bible. At least the Bible is written in complete sentences. And not once in the Song of Solomon, which is pretty steamy with all the pomegranate talk, does either lover say “Jeez, that’s hot.” Bible 2, 50 Shades 0.
Anyway, I just want to say to my faithful friends that they really don’t have to worry about 50 Shades of Grey. It’s stupid, but I’m fairly certain it’s not Satanic. Then again, I’m still puzzling over how this book got so popular with women when it is so awful. Could it be? Maybe they are right after all. Better safe than sorry, I always say. Don’t read the book. Read the fabulous recaps on the Internet instead. You’ll be glad you did.