Tag Archives: Satire and sarcasm peeps

What if we put presidential candidates in the Hunger Games?

This race would be over a lot faster, that’s what!  Yes, I know I did this before with Disney characters, but this time I finished it.  We now have a victor, chosen by the arena after the candidates ruthlessly murder each other TO DEATH.  I think this is a modest proposal, considering how bloody politics can be anyway.  I was able to follow our candidates as they fought to the death thanks to a generator Thing One found called BrantSteele Hunger Games. You can try it later, with people of your choice!  They don’t have to be real people (I’m still wondering on Trump) or alive (note the inclusion of Ronald Reagan who does quite well, considering).  This is a much easier way of getting even with people than playing Oregon Trail and purposely flying through the game so that all the kids you don’t like in school die of Dysentery.  Not that I know anything about that.

But enough listening to people barf out stupid opinions on things they know nothing about, on with the games!  The generator randomly (I swear) makes stuff happen each day.  I’ll show you the honest-to-goodness results.

Our candidates are all assembled! Whether they ever ran for president, are still running for president, were president, are president, or are dead is unimportant, just like in the debates.

bloodbath part one

Note that I goofed on the genders on some of the candidates. I think this would bother them more than the killing part.

Note that I goofed on the genders on some of the candidates. I think this would bother them more than the killing part.

No deaths this time, but I like how Hillary stopped to pick some flowers. So like her!

No deaths this time, but I like how Hillary stopped to pick some flowers. So like her!

First two ruthlessly booted off the island! Bummer, guys.

First two ruthlessly booted off the island! Bummer, guys.

Mike falls on Marco, killing two birdies with one stone! See how much faster this is going?

Mike falls on Marco, killing two birdies with one stone! See how much faster this is going?

Carly, Scott, and O'Malley (what was his first name?) are out and Dan questions her sanity, since he is now a she thanks to me.

Carly, Scott, and O’Malley (what was his first name?) are out and Dan questions her sanity, since he is now a she thanks to me.

Favorite part? Rick Santorum crying himself to sleep. Aw.

Sucks to be Bernie. Bush Jr falling into a frozen lake is not that surprising. Favorite part? Rick Santorum crying himself to sleep. Aw.

Wow, all those people to kill off Bush Sr? He's not that fast these days . . .

Wow, all those people to kill off Bush Sr? He’s not that fast these days . . . Also Trump scares EVERYONE off, not just Jeb.

DANG, guys! These candidates be feisty! Maybe they should be the ones going to war?

DANG, guys! These candidates be feisty! Maybe they should be the ones going to war?

Hatchets - talk about your awesome campaign contributions. I like that Barack hums.

Hatchets – talk about your awesome campaign contributions. I like that Barack hums.

Hillary probably daydreams about bashing his head against a rock. Horrible? Yes. Good television? You betcha!

Hillary probably daydreams about bashing his head against a rock. Horrible? Yes. Good television? You betcha!

And then there were three. Nothing can stop Ron Reagan!

And then there were three. Nothing can stop Ron Reagan!

I bet they do! I sense an end to the campaign coming!

I bet they do! I sense an end to the campaign coming!

Yawn, this is getting like the real debates. Get ON with it.

Yawn, this is getting like the real debates. Get ON with it.

Aw, now Megyn will never learn the truth about Santa!

Aw, now Megyn will never learn the truth about Santa!

Lesson? Really, guys, don't screw with Hillary!

Lesson? Really, guys, don’t screw with Hillary!

Six days and we have a victor! I think we should do it this way every time!

Six days and we have a victor! I think we should do it this way every time!

Sure, you might not have gotten the winner you wanted, but it sure beat suffering through four years of campaigning only to not get the winner you wanted, right?  Mr. Trump, I apologize for you not winning. Also for having to go potty.  Please do not send wild monkey mutts after me.  Thanks.

Alice