They are still following me. I looked up my top search terms and you know what the top one was well DO YOU? Check it out.
Search Terms for all days ending 2013-05-06 (Summarized)
|wordpress alice at wonderland||47|
|dragon tales characters||32|
|50 shades of alice in wonderland||22|
|alice at wonderland wordpress||18|
|alice in wonderland wordpress||15|
|fifty shades of alice in wonderland||11|
|dragon tales emmy||10|
|next week horoscope||9|
|dragon tales logo||9|
|50 shades of grey satanic|
Yeah, that’s right, folks. It’s dragon tales. By a FREAKING LAND SLIDE. What the heck? But that’s not all. We’ve also got dragon tales characters and dragontales and dragon tales emmy (whu?) and dragon tales logo. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? I mean, sure, there are some others. The old reliable most popular search word from last year “crack whore” is still holding in there with 10, but that’s no 439. Dragon Tales got more than Sad Pony, more than Santa, more than 50 Shades, horoscopes, or the name of my flipping blog.
My dragon tales review is suddenly my most popular post as well, even though I wrote it like two years ago before I even got to WordPress, hence the lousy formatting transfer. So I decided to search dragon tales on Google and see if my blog came up. It didn’t. I went through like 10 pages and no sign of Alice anywhere. So just . . . wtf? I did find some other disturbing things. For instance, did you realize there was fan fiction for this show?
It’s weird, guys, it’s really weird being stalked by dragon tales fans. 50 Shades creepers I get, sure, but dragon creepers? I was up late last night chatting with a friend and bounced over to my blog – this was a short time after midnight. I had one visitor and one view and guess what he/she was looking at? Dragon tales. Dun dun dunnnnnn.
I had no idea I was the dragon whisperer, but apparently I am. Maybe I can get a show on Animal Planet. They talk about Bigfoot and mermaids, so the idea of dragons not actually existing will probably not faze them. I should get something out of this, since WordPress doesn’t seem to offer a blog restraining order. But just so you know, dragon tales peeps, I know about you. And I am NOT scared. Nope, not at all.
Okay, maybe a little.
I’ve seen some other blog posts detailing the interesting, odd, and sometimes just plain disturbing search terms that people use to find your blog. These search terms are handily gathered by WordPress on the Stats page (that I know none of you ever look at, right?) I figured I’d give mine a look-see, even though with some of my content (cough, 50 Shades of crap, cough) I was somewhat nervous. Here are 20 of my most interesting / odd / disturbing results starting with the most used first.
This is actually comforting, because 17 times someone found my blog by actually putting in my name. At least I think they did. It’s possible they don’t know the real title to Alice in Wonderland. Either way, I’ll take it.
2. ana wants beat because she is wet
Yeah. Um, this one was used four different times. Either there are four somewhat icky people, or one person who was interested enough in the topic to use this term four times and find me every time. I thought about trying to find myself with this, and then decided it wouldn’t be worth the computer STDs I would get in return.
3. cancer weekly horoscope
I have a suspicion they found dove candy wrapper fortunes a little odd. Then again, we’re talking people who read horoscopes, so maybe it was right on the money. This one came up four times.
4. the blue paw print is a “blues’s clues”, telling you this object is important in some way.
Well, I did do a snarky children’s tv review of Blue’s Clues, but it’s weird that this exact term was used three times. Then again, the concept is pretty hard for Joe, so maybe it is for others as well.
* The rest of these got 1 hit a piece, although I have grouped similar ones together with a /.
5. reviews of 50 shades of alice
There are fifty shades of me? I probably reached several of those while I was sick.
6. fifty shades of crap
I like that one just because.
7. san franco ca.free things for people on SSI
Fairly certain I have never written about this topic, but maybe I missed something.
8. 50 shades buttplug scene / 50SoG buttplug / butt plugs / glass bling butt plug
I’m so proud of this
9. horse tail buttplug sex pics
This I’m a little disturbed about.
10. riding crops
I wonder if they were looking for actual riding equipment there. If so, oopsie.
11. why fifty shades of grey makes women mad at their husbands
Because their husbands don’t beat them like Christian does? I dunno.
12. dragon playroom
The Red Room O’ Pain suddenly got more interesting.
13. coo coo ca choo alice
This one is my absolute favorite.
14. alice mon crack
Am I a Jamaican druggie?
15. infantilize children lazy
16. whore mommy / whore mom / mommy whore
17. 50Sog tampon / 50 SoG ice cream
I’ll take what does Christian put in and take out of Ana for 200, Alex
18. ana steele even stupider in 50 Shades Darker
19. inner goddess balls
I’d like to see those
20. french canadian clown / a clown eating pictures
Oh, Le Clown, you do inspire! Others to my blog. Thanks. They might go to you looking for buttplugs now, though, so I’d keep an eye on your search terms.
This has been quite the experience delving into the pit of scum and villainy that is the Internets. And my readers! People love me, they really do! Also buttplugs. And horse sex pics. I’m going back to the My Little Pony pic now.