Did you catch that title? It’s like Jingle Bells, only it’s Bling bells, which are so much better because I don’t want to shoot them like I do Jingle Bells after I’ve heard it for the 47th time every single day leading up to Christmas, the day of Jesus and Macy’s.
But back to bling, which has nothing to do with Christmas, of course. You see, you might not have realized this, but this is an awards post. I know, right? I was given two awards, the Brilliant Blog Award and the Liebster Award. The Brilliant Blog Award was made just for me. Yes it was. No, it does not have a picture of anything like that, you weirdos. It’s a light bulb, for my fabulous ideas. Of which I have some. Occasionally. Anyhoo, it’s from Sunny With A Chance of Armagaddeon, who I’m pretty sure I said had the absolute best blog name ever, and there should be an award for best blog name. Get to work on that, whoever makes awards out there.
And there are questions, and since I was caught by somebody for not following the rules last time (cough, scienerf, cough) I will be good and follow them to the let-ter. So here we go.
- Write an acceptance speech, linking back to the person who gave it to you.
- Write 7 things you believe in.
- Give the award to as many brilliant blogs as you would like to share the love.
1. Acceptance Speech:
This is not a problem with me. I’ve been practicing acceptance speeches all my life, just like Mitt Romney. So I would like to say, thank you to all the other bloggers who have stood by me through it all, back when there was no bling to be found, and I was destitute. Of bling. I would also like to thank the Academy, and my dog who has been dead for like 20 years, and the clouds, and the trees, and Squirrel and Sad Pony and . . . why are you playing that music so loud?
2. Seven Things I Believe In
Crystal Light (cause I believe in me!)
3. Nominate bloggers.
I’m guessing this means don’t be freaking lazy and say everyone can have it. And here I thought I was being all generous in the Christmas spirit of Macy’s. But okay. I’ll leave them to the end, after I talk about my next award.
The Liebster Award was given to me by lovelifelaundry (another great blog title – who can get away from freaking laundry? It’s evil. Laundry, not the blog, which is tops.) Liebster is German for “dearest” and is given to Nazi blogs with less than 200 followers. Did you hear that? Yeah, I don’t believe it either. Less than 200? I figured there were a bazillion followers by now. (Actually I’m amazed there are over 20, but stay with me here.) Oh, and as it turns out, this award has nothing to do with Nazis, my bad.
There are questions for this one too! Golly, talk about me again? I just don’t know if I okay here I go!
MY 11 questions are:
1. What is your greatest stength?
X-ray vision. Also some people think I’m funny.
2. When was your proudest moment?
When my babies were born and I stopped being possessed by the little aliens.
3. How long do you wait for a bus before giving up and going home
I haven’t ridden a bus in a long time. I’d say five seconds, because I’m patient.
4. E-books or real books?
Yes. I mostly like real books, unless I’m reading something stupid like 50 Shades. Then I like to go incognito.
5. How far would you go to get what you want?
Is assault too far? What if it was someone seriously annoying?
6. Whom would you invite round for dinner?
Ana Steele. Then I’m smack her head into the mashed potatoes a billion times.
7. What is your biggest fear?
That we’ll get a Republican Prez in 2016.
8. What makes you laugh out loud?
Me! And many other funny people and their blogs.
9. Your greatest weakness?
You thought I was going to say Kryptonite, right? Wrong! It’s the color yellow.
10. If I had one wish I would wish for…..
Eternal life. Except then I’d get stuck in prison or something.
11. If you had to come back in a different era, which one would it be?
Medival Times – but only the medieval times that you see in the movies, not the one with no flush toilets.
Now the nominees! I think these are pretty good questions, so if you wanna answer them and take the awards, go for it.
Scienerf (because I want her to write yet another award post this week)
Ravinj (because she likes homework)
Speaker7 (because Hugo keeps dangling my lock of hair over a lighter)
GiggsMcGill Jill (because she’s cool, like, really cool, man.)
Jen and Tonic (so she can feel guilty about talking about clown boy on my press release blurb post)
Miss Four Eyes (because both Sad Pony and Squirrel nominated her for her . . . I’m gonna go with brilliance here.)
I know I’m leaving somebody(s) off here. Just send me a MLP horsehead pic and I’ll get the idea. Alice says thanks for all the love! And bling.
Yay, more bling for Alice! The first award is from Sunny with a Chance of Armaggedon, which is one of the best blog names ever. She gave it to me a while ago, and I admired it but kept forgetting to put it up and do the proper thank you and frack how many other thank yous have I forgotten? I bet some of the people at my last baby shower (8 years ago) are pretty pissed. Where was I? Oh, yes.
AWARD NUMBER ONE
There are always questions. Must I talk about me again? Oh, very well, le sigh dramatically.
1) What is your favorite color? Pink. Pale pink, not hot pink or bubblegum. Real pink. Like you use in baby rooms. Normal baby rooms. Not baby rooms done up in a montage of Ronald Reagan photos. Unless you like that sort of thing (your baby is weirded out enough to register Democrat, though.)
2) What is your favorite animal? Penguins. Hilariously goofy little birds. There are, like, 19 kinds of penguins. I blame Thing Two.
3) What is your favorite non-alcoholic drink? I have a love affair with Coca-Cola. We go way back. Dr. Pepper is my second choice, like when your other crush is busy and you need a date. Wouldn’t you like to be a pepper, too?
4) Facebook or Twitter? Facebook because I actually understand it and how the heck am I supposed to fit my posts into that few words cause I can go on for . . .
6) Do you prefer getting or giving presents? Presents, presents, presents. BLING! I like! Although I do love to give to those I love, especially if I know what they really like. I do not like giving to those I don’t know or like much. It’s awkward. Not that, uh, there’s anyone that fits that category.
7) Favorite number? Eleventy-billion!
8) Favorite day of the week? Saturday. No work. Sleep in. All good. What other day is there? I would love to see the one who says “Monday” then gets totally clobbered.
9) Favorite flower? White rose, although I also like carnations because they don’t freaking die so fast.
10) What is your passion? Blogging, music, writing, reading, teaching my kids to snark, politics (certified Yellow Dog Democrat. Republicans: Please don’t shoot. :D)
Everybody! Except Le Clown. Sara must take one (even if she has it already) and rub it in his face.
AWARD NUMBER TWO
The second award is from reflectionsonlifethusfar. This is the first time I’ve heard of this award, and it sounds pretty cool. You nominate bloggers and stuff, but drat it all now I have to talk about ME ME ME some more and I’m just such a shy violet. What. What???
The Top 5 Books I’ve Read:
(You’ll notice that 3 of these are not only series, but YA series. Whatevs.
- The Prydain series by Lloyd Alexander
- Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan
- The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins
- All humor books by Dave Barry (my hero)
- Marriage Confidential by Pamela Haag
I know there are other books out there I’ve read (some might even be for adults) that are really great, but I have brain dumbs and can’t think of them now. Please tell me yours! I like hearing about what
disturbing interesting things people enjoy reading.
Books I’m Currently Reading:
- 50 Shades Freed (not a real book) by E.L. Freakin’ James
- The Seneca Scourge (a real book!) by Carrie Rubin
Once again, I can’t choose, and not just because I’m lazy. There are too many! And this is unreal because I’m saying there are too many bloggers I know that can read! Sadly, this means once again I have to leave out Le Clown. But Le Eric can feel free to take one. See? I am the nicest.
Thank you all!
And crank out another blog post! I have learned so much from E.L. James. For instance, you do not have to have anything remotely interesting or even sane to say in order to write for pages and pages. Wait, I learned that in college English. Still, E.L. enforced it.
Scienerf, who is a fabulous lady with an awesome dog and blog, gave me this award because she knows I like bling even though the idea of my blog being lovely is really funny. Maybe it’s an Ironic Lovely Blog Award? A Lovely Use of the Word Buttplug Award? A Shut the Crap Up Alice Here Is Your Bling And Would You Like a Cookie Award? It can be all of these things and more!
It comes with rules. This award does not realize that I am Rebel Library Person and so rules do not apply to me. But what the heck, like I’m doing anything else productive. I’m supposed to list seven random things about myself and nominate 15 bloggers. Or was it that I was supposed to nominate seven mes and say random things about 15 bloggers. I get so confused. But I think that’s it. So here goes. I nominate myself, Inner goddess, Subconscious, the One behind the Alice, Bratty younger sister, Slacker mom, and Poster Child for Various Mental Disorders for the Lovely Blog Award because scienerf nominated me and so I am lovely and you guyz who don’t think so can suck it, okay? Good.
Random Things About 15 Bloggers:
Scienerf is cool and not just because she gave me bling so go visit her blog and see her cute dog and oh yeah her writing.
Le Clown says he is from Canada but is actually from planet Le Zoltran.
Speaker 7 has a puppet named Hugo who last I heard was arrested for public indecency at a Chuck E. Cheese.
Angie uses her blog Childhood Relived to melt peoples brains with evil 80s memories until they are under her mind control and willing to send her endless bling like winky Strawberry Shortcake dolls.
Judith of Stork Hunting writes about all the fun you can have in a pair of stirrups.
Angel of The Mirth of Despair writes posts that actually are lovely and not about buttplugs.
Ruby Tuesday of I Was Just Thinking is, in fact, not a restaurant but a very sweet lady that likes knights with pointy toes.
Love and Lunchmeat is not processed food filled with nitrates. She is leader of the Zombie Apocalypse Task Force. I am her second-in-command because I just nominated myself.
Theabrasiveembrace kind of reminds me of Cyndi Lauper. Her blog just wants to have fun. Or something.
Madame Weebles made me my own purple heart ribbon and I didn’t even have to get shot at for it.
Lulu of Sunny With a Chance of Armaggedon and I will hopefully one day leave our blogs and form our own Dream Team with the other Canvas authors.
Mooselicker writes a blog when he is not licking moose. Or is it mooses?
Rich Full Life has a rich, full blog and a cute baby. Go look at the cute baby! Now!
Miss Four Eyes likes glasses and according to her About page is not clinically insane, so she can be my token sane person.
Sara of Laments and Lullabies is married to Le Clown but is not from Planet Le Zoltran. Theirs is a mixed marriage of clown and human.
There are so many other bloggers I love that I could make an endless list but I have mush brains which I for now will blame on James and plus there is also that attention problem that I have oh hey look, a sad pony!
Don’t be a sad pony. If I like you, I will say something stupid, annoying, or possibly nice about you in a future blog post because that’s the kind of gal I am plus I need blogger fodder and oh yeah, bling.