Hullo, all.  I have another guest blogger today, with the most fabulous name ever.  Not Quite Alice of myrabbitholes.  I know, right?  TWO Alices. How are you going to tell us apart?  I’ll give you a clue.  One of us is nuts, and the other one is crazy.  So there you go.  She’s written a nice little short story about a tea party she tried to have on my blog.  It went about as well as most of my family dinners.  Also many of my work meetings.  It comes in two parts, so stay tuned tomorrow for the rest.  Enjoy.

This should go well.

“Clean cup! Move down!”

Oh good lord, not again. How did I get myself into this one? I could have sworn they were not invited. No, I know that they were not invited. I specifically ignored sending them an invite. This was my party, not theirs. I do not care if they have the best tea ever, they always manage to ruin every tea party. Case in point, this one.

It all started off normal. Ok, yes I know it usually does. I should know better by now. Really, I should, I swear I’m too naïve at times.

So the invites went out, ignoring the 2 party crashers (ok they weren’t crashers until they showed up uninvited, but this was my Unbirthday and they ruined the last one.).  The tea was ordered, the scones were made, and the butter and jam hidden. That looks about right. Oh, one more thing, almost forgot. There, that’s better. I had to make sure that there were cups at each person’s setting. I cannot have that happen again. Clean cups and saucers for all.

Ok, that should do it. Everyone shall be here soon.  Let the party begin!

And cue the doorbell!

No, it actually did just start ringing, which is odd in and of itself, I don’t have a door bell, this is outside, in the garden. So where did the doorbell come from? Ok, I’ll worry about that later, it’s not as if I’m utterly bonkers. I hope.

It took a while to make all those freaking giant invitations.

Guests! There here!

Places everyone, places.

What am I thinking? I am the one that needs to take their place. Should I sit down, or should I greet? Oh my, I don’t want anything to go wrong. It cannot go wrong this time. Not with the Duchess coming. At least, she said she will be coming. Oh I hope she does.

Oh please go good. Please!

There’s that doorbell again. Seriously, when did a doorbell get installed in the garden? No time for that now though, I need to get this party going.

Where is the party going? Oh never you mind that. It’s here, right here in my garden. Don’t you worry about that. Time to start the party.

In walked the Caterpillar, though is that what you would call what he does? Is it walking? Oh I don’t know, but I’ll call it walking for now. Goodness, he brought that God awful Hookah with him again. Can he not go anywhere without smoking that. He also goes on and on about the alphabet and vowels, and asking ridiculous questions that have no proper answers when he is smoking it.  I do not need my guests to have to deal with that. I could have sworn I put it on his invitation that this will be a smoke free party.

No one tells the Caterpillar he’s had enough to smoke.

“Oh do go sit over there, I set up a rather large stool for you, I didn’t know if you could fit into the chair properly.”

And off he goes to the large bean bag style stool I had just received in the mail yesterday. I bought it just for him. He’ll break my chairs otherwise.

Goodness! Where does that blasted doorbell keep coming from? I swear, it’s going to drive me utterly bonkers.

Oh look! It’s the Knave of Hearts. I must keep an eye on him, last time he was around, my tarts disappeared. Oh I hope my scones don’t disappear, they are my favorites and I worked so hard to bake them too. I did invite him though, so best be nice. I just didn’t think he would actually arrive. Ok, control yourself, you can do it. Do not start hiding the food. You can do it. Good girl.

“You best sit down over here, Caterpillar brought the Hookah again, and I know how you cannot stand his rants. “

“I could always just steal that Hookah from him.”

“Don’t even, then that’s all we shall be hearing about for the rest of this Unbirthday. I would like this one to go without a problem.”

I do hope he got the hint, don’t steal my food. How very rude of a guest to do that.

Again! That annoying doorbell. Where the frak is it coming from?

Oh, look, there’s one of the twins, is it Dee or Dumb? Oh, I can never tell the difference between the two. I swear, one is Dumb and the other is Dumber. It’s very fitting. Neither is very smart, they’re actually quite lacking in the brains department, but at least they’re entertaining to have at any gathering. Though, I still do not know which this one is.

Tweedle Dee or Dumb or who cares, what a whack job.

Best go see who it is.

“Well, I’m so glad you could make it. Is it just you, or is your brother going to be joining us as well?” (see how slick that was, I hope he gets the hint.)

“That jolly lump is on his way, yet which way it is, I do not know. Perhaps it’s there, or is it here? It could be that a way, or is it this a way?”

Oh sweet sugar, what is he talking about? And he didn’t answer who he is, now I’m just going to have to pretend I know who it is. I wonder if he will actually notice I do not know who he is, or what he is saying? Honestly, I don’t think anyone knows what he is saying.

Oh look, there’s the white knight. He’s such an interesting person, not much of a knight, but a great inventor. I still don’t understand why he became a knight, except he said his father was one, therefore he had to be one. Poor guy, he’s not very brave, this is definitely the wrong line of work for him. He’s better at creating inventions. Perhaps I shall mention this annoying doorbell that keeps going off out here in my garden.

The white knight is usually a reasonable fellow.

“Good day Sir White Knight, how are you?”

“And exactly who are you again? I don’t recall ever being here before.  Where is here?”

“I do believe that you were going to this chair right here. Do take a seat sir, all will be well. Enjoy your tea.”

Great, he’s in one of those moods today. I swear he remembers less and less each time I see him.  Honestly, I’m surprised he found his way here, or even remembered that he was to come here.

“Does anyone else hear a doorbell going off?” I cannot help it, I have to ask.  I keep hearing it, and no one else seems to.  And then the stares start, at least it’s only 4 sets of eyes though. I couldn’t take it if it was more than that just staring at me like I’ve lost my marbles. How could I? I have not had marbles with me this whole time anyways.

I do believe I see the White Rabbit arriving. Late as usual. I swear, he needs to get a working watch. He is always running late.  I am half expecting that he will not stay long and run off saying he is late, again. Tis a good thing I have his place all set already.

Daylight savings time? I’m LATE!

“Oh good, you’re here Rabbit.  I have a place all over here for you. Caterpillar cannot wait to talk to you today.”

That will start to teach him about being on time.  From now on, I’ll make sure he sits by Caterpillar until he comes on time. He had best be glad I didn’t sit him near the one twin. Such a nervous little guy too. You’d think he was about to lose his head. Goodness me.

Oh look, there’s the Walrus and the Carpenter. I’m surprised that they came together. Last I heard, the Carpenter was livid with Walrus for eating all those oysters. And they’re suppose to be such good friends too! I’m glad Walrus isn’t my good friend, but he does have a lively aura about him, such fun to have around.  Still, if he was my friend, I might have, no, I definitely would have gotten back at him.

“Gentlemen, I’m so glad you could make it today. Do come and enjoy. You’ll find some empty chairs right over here. Let me know if I can get you anything.”

Just don’t kill each other today, save it for when you leave. Please.

It doesn’t look like the Duchess is coming, so I guess we best get things started. I can take my place at the table now.

“Thank you everyone for coming to celebrate my Unbirthday with me today. You have made this a most joyous occasion. Please, everyone, enjoy your tea and scones, and let me know if you need anything.”

And with that, the calm ended.

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow for the exciting and possibly bloody conclusion!