OF CYCLOPS CUCUMBERS AND FUZZY ORANGE HATS
This show is one of the more recent offerings by Nick Jr., a spin-off of Nickelodeon, the station that brought you such intelligent offerings as Double Dare. Which reminds me that I will have to do a special on 80s and 90s kid shows, especially those that routinely pour gelatinous goo all over children. But first, I introduce to you . . .
Yo Gabba Gabba
This is a show about a guy with some figurines that become giant, costumed monstrosities. The only thing scarier than these creatures is the supposedly human man that takes care of them. DJ Lance Rock (I wonder if he puts that on his driver’s license – Rock, DJ Lance) is tall and unnaturally skinny, with giant glasses, a furry orange hat, and an orange skin-tight jumpsuit. Fortunately, we don’t see him as often as the others.
|The Village Monsters|
There are four monsters. Foofa is a pink blob with a daisy on her head. I don’t know what type of monster she is, but she definitely makes me wary of going out into the garden. Brobee is a green monster with stripes, a unibrow, a freaky expression, and long, limp arms. When he dances, he flops the things around uselessly, like partially severed limbs. Toodee is blue and looks kind of like a cat, albeit a mutant cat. Plex is a yellow robot with crossed eyes, which seems like a serious design flaw. Finally, and I’ve saved him for last for a reason, is Muno.
Hang on a second, I have to go shudder in a corner.
Okay, I’m back. Muno is a Cyclops, but not just any Cyclops. Muno resembles a red cucumber with some sort of horrible, festering disease. He is the stuff of nightmares. I want to know who thought this guy up, and what mental institution or drug rehab center he is currently stationed at. No, I don’t want to hurt him. I just want to ask him, “Why?” Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy . . .
|Hey Mom . . . arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!|
Where was I? It is easy to get lost when discussing this show. There are so many questions. Why is it called “Yo Gabba Gabba”? Is this Spanish gibberish? What does it mean? I talk talk? I grab grab? I’m not sure. I suppose the title is catchier than “OMG, The Horror, The Horror”, but it still doesn’t make sense. Unless that’s the purpose. Delightful nonsense is one thing; nonsense that produces creatures that used to hide under my bed at night is something else.
|Well, this is awkward.|
This show features many songs that we can all learn from. For instance, there is “Don’t Bite Your Friends.” Oh, sure, it’s tempting, but you really don’t know where your friends have been, plus they have the power to sue you. So don’t do it. Yes, I know, this is supposed to be directed at children, but somehow I doubt they’re going to listen. They have teeth and they’re going to use them. It’s not like a toddler is going to hear this song and go “Ohhhhh. I get it now. I was being so unreasonable before!”
If anything, it seems like this show encourages children to bite one another, if only to get away from the scary cucumber. It certainly isn’t going to make them want to eat their vegetables, I can tell you that. Yet the show gained enough popularity to produce a merchandizing storm with toys, clothes, shoes, and sheet sets. Can you imagine the horror of waking up next to that one-eyed cucumber? Or almost as bad, the DJ? I don’t even want to think about it.
I am just thankful that my children have progressed past “Yo Gabba Gabba”. Now they just watch the teeny-bopper shows on the regular Nickelodeon, a universe where every girl is a gorgeous, pimple-free teenager who just happens to also be a rock star. Wait . . . I’m starting to miss the cucumber.
Diseased Cyclops Cucumber: Yes
Supposedly Human Host: Yes
Educational “Bite Me” Songs: Yes
Didacticism: The cucumber . . . it has one eye . . .