Tag Archives: world domination

Alice’s Plan for World Domination (and some contest winners!)

Hi, it's me, Alice!

Hi, it’s me, Alice!

That’s right.  I’m totally Alice.  And um, this is like my blog and all of you are followers of ME, yes ME Spar . . . um, Alice!

Anyway, I am super excited about all of you who agreed to become my minions er I mean that entered Alice’s uh my contest to win the Sparkly Poneh of Wonder!   But you will get so much more just by entering!  You see we will not stop at sparkly ponehs. No, there are more sparkly doo-dads to be found, my friends.  You know those blog awards your peeps have but you don’t?  Well, they are all, ALL going to be ours – all the riches for us – yes, yes, even all the Freshly Pressed badges will all belong to me my precioussssssssssss!  I mean us!  How will we do it?  By taking over WordPress, of course!

You say it can’t be done?  Yes it can!  We just have to storm WordPress’s headquarters.  Well, you do, I’m going to sit on my lightbulb butt er my fair fanny.  I’m thinking we can send that dj guy in first.  He’ll distract all the editors with his suck uppiness while the rest of you guys can take over the site!  There may be casualties, but it’s for a greater cause.  Me.

Okay, once we’ve got the Death Star secure, we just have to work on the rest of the blogosphere.  WordPress is totally the leading blog site, so all we have to do is get everyone to come here by informing them that Blogger, Tumblr, Linked-In (does anyone actually use that) and everything else sucks monkey brains.  They will appreciate us so much for freeing them from crappy blogging platforms that they will obey our every command!

Then from there it’s easy peasy to take over the entire earth.  ALL the Xboxes on the planet will be ours to play with, you guyz.  Are you confused?  Don’t worry, I have this handy chart here . . . somewhere . . .

Wait a second . . .

Wait a second . . .

That’s not my evil domination chart!  That’s a xeroxed copy of Squirrel’s butt!  Hey!

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

That’s it, you little rat, give me back my plans!

You mean the plans he just ate?  Wait a day or so and you'll get them back.

You mean the plans he just ate? Wait a day or so and you’ll get them back.

What?  What???  My secret plans!  Are you ready for a fight, Pony?

Fight me and I'll sit on you.

Fight me and I’ll sit on you.

Oh.  Oh, uh, no, don’t do that.  You wouldn’t do that to Alice your old pal, would you?

You aren't Alice, you are Sparky and you won't win cause we will defeat you with the power of goodness and Xerox machines and Oreo cookies so watch out!

You aren’t Alice!  Your clever disguise does not fool me you are Sparky and you won’t win cause we will defeat you with the power of goodness and Xerox machines and Oreo cookies so watch out!  Sad Pony, take off the wig and dress!

It is Sparky.  What a surprise.

It is Sparky. What a surprise.

You meddling animals!  You haven't seen the last of me!!!

You meddling animals! You haven’t seen the last of me!!!

Hello, real Alice here now.  Wow, that was close.  Thank goodness my little furry friends were there for me.  It shows they really care.

We hate you marginally less than Sparky.

We hate you marginally less than Sparky.

Close enough.  For those of you taken in by Sparky’s plot, as I was, do not feel bad.  It happens to all of us.  Still, I’d like to congratulate our winner, of the coveted Sparkleponeh and a raccoon sticker from Goldfish’s shop,  EvilSquirrel!  He was chosen using a complex system created by the Things consisting of checking off Sparky attributes (he had the most, maybe?).  He also received bonus points for stealing a picture from my blog to make his own award and for his awesome Bond-ish squirrel drawing.  Of course all our contestants did an outstanding job and it was still really hard to choose.  Thanks so much for entering, my awesome peeps!

THIS.  He gets . . . THIS!  And a sticker!

THIS. He gets . . . THIS! And a sticker!

But it seems like there should be something more . . . a second prize, which in keeping with Wonderland tradition will be greater than the first prize.  And here it is . . . stickers of my two blog defenders, Sad Pony and Squirrel!  These fab pictures of my dynamic duo were created by Goldfish, whose store I will once again promote – she has Halloween stuff there now, guys!  Cute freaking ghosties!

Sad Pony and Squirrel - my heroes!  In stickers!

Sad Pony and Squirrel!

The second place winner is djmatticus, narrowly edging out the others based on bonus points for sheer unadulterated enthusiasm. Congrats!  If the winners will email me their addresses, I will send out their prizes ASAP!  Thanks again all of you for playing along and for being awesome and very unsparkiesh followers.

The Real Alice (accept no substitutes)

Wait, this is the prize?  What kind of a contest IS this?

Wait, this is the prize? What kind of a contest IS this?

The Sparky Plot!

Sad Pony, Sad Pony, Sad Pony, Sad Ponehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sad Pony, Sad Pony, Sad Pony, Sad Ponehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

What.

What.

It's that Sparky guy, Sad Pony!  He's eeeeeeeevil and he's trying to take over Alice's blog I heard him plotting Zomg what do we dooooo?

It’s that Sparky guy, Sad Pony! He’s eeeeeeeevil and he’s trying to take over Alice’s blog I heard him plotting Zomg what do we dooooo?

He was plotting out loud.

He was plotting out loud.

Yesss, all the evil villains plot out loud Sad Pony!

Yesss, all the evil villains plot out loud Sad Pony!

Only the stupid ones.  Okay, Sparky counts.

Only the stupid ones. Okay, Sparky counts.

I also found some of his plans on a dry erase board in Thing Two's bedroom!  Look Sad Pony, look, will you look it's terribleeee!!!!!

I also found some of his plans on a dry erase board in Thing Two’s bedroom! Look Sad Pony, look, will you look it’s terribleeee!!!!!

Sparky's Evil Plot Chart

Sparky’s Evil Plot Chart

He made a chart.  He's an idiot.

He made a chart. He’s an idiot.

But Sad Pony, Sad Pony if he succeeds then he might want to date Miss Four Eyessss!!!!!

But Sad Pony, Sad Pony if he succeeds then he might want to date Miss Four Eyessss!!!!!

 . . . . .

. . . . .

This means war.

This means war.

Alice is having that contest and getting other bloggers to act like him Sad Pony and then he will take over the blogosphere of Sparkys!  Alice is offering a Sparkly Pony as a prize she is playing right into his hands what do we doooo????

Alice is having that contest and getting other bloggers to act like him Sad Pony and then he will take over the blogosphere of Sparkys! Alice is playing right into his hands what do we doooo????

We offer our own contest.  Whoever can write an outrageously depressing post like mine.  Or a psychotic post like yours.

I will have to think on his destruction.

Oooh that is such a good idea Sad Pony what do we offer as a prize I mean how are we gonna beat a Sparkly poneh like that oh how, how, how?

But Sad Poneh Alice is giving the bloggers sparklepony!  How we gonna compete with a Sparkly poneh like that oh how, how, how?

We could offer my manure as a prize and it'd be better than that monstrosity.

We could offer my manure as a prize and it’d be better than that monstrosity.

We're gonna give them poops?  Oh, boy, I have lots of those to give this will be awesome!

We’re gonna give them poops? Oh, boy, I have lots of those to give this will be awesome!

No, idiot, not poop.  Maybe a couple of those stickers that fish made.

No, idiot, not poop. I will think of something.  Sparky is going down.

Yes!  Goldfish made way cool stickers of us and Alice ordered extras!   Yayyyy, we can save the blog now Sad Pony!

Oooooh!

Hey, I see you guys.  You will never defeat me.  I is de shiz.

Hey, I see you guys. You will never defeat me. I is de shiz.

I sense a bit of unrest on my blog . . . to be continued.

– Alice