My Nervous Breakdown

Thing One has had a hacking cough that’s been going on for the last six years, er weeks and has not abated.  It goes like this HACK HACK HAAAAAACK HACKHACKHACK HAAAAAAAACK.  As delightful and not at all grating on the nerves as it is to hear, I can only imagine how fun it is to actually have the cough that annoys teachers and students both but which you have absolutely no control over because CONGRATS you won the genetic lottery and got Mommy’s allergies.  In two more weeks we’ll get a test telling us what we already know, ie that she has allergies, and she will probably still have the cough.  This morning she had the cough.  She took a breathing treatment.  She still hacked her way to school.

Thing Two has snaggle teeth.  Her grandfather is very obsessed with her snaggle teeth to the point of telling me I need to get her an orthodontist roughly every five freaking minutes.  Yes, I know.  What I don’t know is how I’m going to pay for it.  He’s afraid people will make fun of her teeth.  One kid noted that her tooth was crooked.  Thing Two said, “You just now noticed that?”  She has said appointment this afternoon and her grandfather is taking her and as far as I’m concerned, if he wants to chip in for that orthodontist to torture my kid for a few years, I am more than willing to LET HIM.  This morning’s daily Thing Two emergency was a missing hat and it is Red Ribbon Anti-drug Week and as we were walking out the door SHE NEEDED A HAT DID I NOT UNDERSTAND THIS?

The same grandfather called me just this morning to inform me that Thing Two was in trouble with her teacher for me not going to her parent /teacher conference which you know she told me about THE MORNING OF THE CONFERENCE.  So I didn’t go, because this was one of those stupid conferences they have just because not because your kid actually did something bad (which is kind of miraculous considering) but honestly, I have this little thing called WORK and with everyone being SICK it’s hard to have time off to go to something that is POINTLESS.  But I was polite about it in the note in which I instructed the teacher to go hit up the kid’s father.

Thing One was making noise getting ice out of the freezer this morning and I finally was like WHAT ARE YOU DOING and she said oh someone left the door to the freezer open so the stuff in the freezer had melted so she was getting ice to keep her lunch cold.  The stuff in the freezer had all melted.  Hundreds of dollars of food . . . it was still cold.  Wonder if I can risk food poisoning and just refreeze it.  People refry beans, right?

You know it’s going to be a good day when all three females in the house are crying before 8 AM.  I’m trying to pencil in a good time for my nervous breakdown, but I can’t seem to find an opening.  I’ll get back to you.