Back to School: Teachers Get Real

That's a watermark there, but I like to think of it as a black hole.

Back to the black hole of doom, guys!

Yeah, it’s back to school time, a time that is really only beneficial to retailers.  Working parents hate it because they have no time.  Stay-at-home parents hate it because they have a few minutes, between diaper changes, so hey go volunteer!  Kids hate it – well because it’s school.  I don’t care how cute the bulletin boards are, it’s gonna suck.

And, naturally, teachers hate it.  They are the ones stuck with our children all day.  So teachers have to give kids a hard time at the beginning so that they will know who is boss.  Unfortunately, the scary warnings only work on the kids who would be good anyway.  The troublemakers are just going to laugh, laugh, laugh and snort some cocaine off the page.

Keep your hands and weapons to yourselves, kiddos.

Keep your hands and weapons to yourselves, kiddos.

I kid, because my children go to suburban schools and everyone knows these students aren’t going to use plain old copy paper with their drugs, nor are they actively going to use them in front of the teacher.  So since suburban teachers don’t have the truly horrible problems that teachers at some inner-city schools face (lesson one: stay alive through 7th period), they have to make them up.

Here’s an example.  When Thing Two was in kindergarten, her teacher gave her detentions every day.  It’s not that my little darling didn’t deserve many of them. I do understand that the angrily scribbled note “Child was in boy’s restroom screaming down the hall” is kind of hard to debate.  But forgetting her lunch back in the classroom?  Yes, she got one for that.  At five.  Two years out of diapers.  Heck, I once forgot to pack her a lunch. Oh, I gave her the lunch sack, just no lunch.  I can still imagine the child opening that empty sack to this day.  Luckily I only received “Mom of Shame” for that one.

The thing with giving a detentions for a kid misbehaving is that it backfires. You were jumping around the classroom; now you miss recess!  The – one time when the kid CAN jump?  When you want them to jump until they collapse barely breathing and then you can actually tell them stuff?  The detention defeats that.  And giving detentions for something that isn’t even misbehavior is just as bad.  You end up with so many, it is no longer really a punishment.  Thing Two handed them to me like flyers.

Detention? Now I'll never get a job.

Detention? Now I’ll never get a job.

I remember back in the day – the day before Internet kids – when teachers just saved those things for when kids really did something bad, like say punching another kid, or the teacher.  Definitely deserved then.  But the other stuff is just silly.  And it doesn’t stop in kindergarten.  Thing One brought home a paper for me to sign for her art class yesterday.  It said “Any mechanical pencils left on the desk will result in a detention.  No mechanical pencils!!!”  Wow.  I get that you use “special” (ie expensive) pencils for art, but what the heck did a mechanical pencil do to her?  That seems a wee bit extreme.  Either she hasn’t been at that school long, or she’s been there WAY too long.

A lot of the teachers seemed pretty harried, judging by the number of times they used ALL CAPS in their warning, er, welcome letters.  I get that teaching is an incredibly hard job.  Both my parents did it, and they got out of it into the library and counseling, respectively, which are also awful, but not quite as bad.  I was an education major, and just ran altogether my senior year.  But I wonder what they give detentions for in those really tough schools they feature in movies like “Dangerous minds.”

  1. No semi-automatic weapons on the desk.  Please keep in backpacks.
  2. Do not leave heroin needles lying around.  Clean up after yourselves.
  3. If you wish to start creating the next generation, please do so in the privacy of your own locker.
  4. Please reserve making plans to rob the 7-11 for study hall.
  5. Tattoos are for art class.
  6. Please save gang warfare for Physical Education class.
  7. No shanking in the classroom, unless it’s science class and it’s a frog.
  8. No spitting, shooting, stabbing, stapling, severing, or stomping your teacher
  9. Save cell phones calls to pimps for after class
  10. Absolutely no mechanical pencils.

I think that about does it.  How is the school year going for you guys?

~ Alice

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Number of the Day is 42

And the letters are F and U!  Just kidding!  No, it’s Merry’s birthday and she did a post for me, which means I should do one for her.  My post-making has not been awesome lately, but you do what you have to do, even if it is literally on the day it’s due.  So I made her a picture and stuff, cause I couldn’t even make the balloons on Facebook.  I tried, but it kept trying to make me celebrate my OWN birthday, which I didn’t want to do again, especially when it was her turn.  I hate Facebook and their stupid celebration stuff.  Boo.

Check THIS out stupid Facebook.

Check THIS out stupid Facebook.

She’s 42 today!  Which is awesome, cause that means she’s made it 42 years even with death and disease and terrorism and Trump!  I mean, you think of ALL the things that could kill you literally any second and it’s amazing any of us are here!  We could get run over by trucks today!  Wait.  This does not sound like a birthday post.  Sorry!

In all seriousness, I do count Mer among my best friends because even though we haven’t met in person, like my other close friends, she has been here for me.  Sometimes more than others can cause she’s on the other side of the screen all the time.  Well, not all the time, I mean she goes to the bathroom and sleeps, but often she’s there.  And she helps me through the day. Which is all any of us can do.  What with genocide and hurricanes and all.

We met with a Fruitcake award, and made ourselves super heroes, and we are still hanging out, even if it’s on the web.  So happy birthday to my Wonder Twin.  And many more!

Saying we don’t have the Apocalypse!  We can share a bunker!

Love,

Alice

Tips for Clutter!

Clutter is big right now.  Or more specifically, decluttering which is not, according to WordPress,  a real word.  This should be a clue right there.  I have tried to get rid of clutter, to no avail.  (Once I tried for like 15 minutes). It seems like everyone has some tips on removing clutter, but has anyone come up with tips on how to use clutter?  I don’t know, I haven’t researched, but I’m going to guess “No.”  Well now they, er, I have!

A picture of my house.

A picture of my house.

Tips for Using Clutter

  1. Piled laundry (dirty or clean) makes a great cushion for your couch.  If you put it in your car, it can be used as a booster seat.
  2. Trash can be used as art.  Call it “Shabby Chic”.
  3. Time spent searching for lost items counts as exercise.
  4. By not washing your dishes or cleaning your refrigerator, you can grow your own medicine.
  5. Clutter can be used as a blockade in case of home invasion.  Seriously, police told us at the library that our clutter could help block an active shooter.  Yay us!
  6. Books on decluttering make great side tables.
  7. “What’s that smell?” is a fun and entertaining game for the whole family.
  8. By gathering up loads of random stuff, you can make your own ball pit for the kids.
  9. Piling things on top of your exercise machine keeps you from feeling guilty for not using it by blinding you to its presence.
  10. You life is full of surprises.  What’s in that cabinet?  Is it alive?  Who knows!

So there you go!  Lots of reasons not to remove clutter.  If you still insist on getting rid of it, I have one great tip.  Wait for the holiday season and throw all your clutter into those huge Christmas bags meant for bicycles and such.  Then put a sign in front of your house saying “Rob Me.”

Anyone else have creative ideas for clutter?

~ Alice

The Donald Trump Song!

If you’ve heard anything about the recent Republican Convention (I get my news from comedians – they are better fact checkers), then you know that Donald has been ripping off songs for his political campaign. This makes bands like Queen feel really stabby considering they hate Trump, and do not think he’s “the champion”, unless he means champion of a-holes. He’s also stolen “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” from the Rolling Stones, but it actually is a rather apropos song for him.  We are definitely not getting what we want.  No satisfaction here, man.

I think I'm gonna need this song soon.

I think I’m gonna need this song soon.

Now if this were any other Ann Coulter type jerk, you could ignore him, but this is a – dear God – viable candidate for president of the United States.  There is no point in listing the awful things he has said.  Better to simply make a list of the decent things he has said.  It’s tiny.  Like his hands.

But when I heard this song I’m about to show you, it just made total sense.  “Big Time” by Peter Gabriel.  Illustrated with pictures.  I’m sorry, Peter, please forgive me.

Big Time

I’m on my way, I’m making it
I’ve got to make it show, yeah
So much larger than life
I’m going to watch it growing

He’s referring to his hands uh hand here.

Thank you, Youtube.

Thank you, Youtube.

The place where I come from is a small town
They think so small
They use small words

He didn’t come from a small town, but he does know the little people because he employs them.

Mexicans are rapists, but they do great work in my vineyards.

Mexicans are rapists, but they do great work in my vineyards.

But not me
I’m smarter than that
I worked it out
I’ve been stretching my mouth
To let those big words come right out

Donald does love to talk about his degrees (I’m sure he did not have any help whatsoever) and how smart he is.  Very smart.  And he says he knows big words!  Gonna build a wall.  A big wall.  A beautiful wall.  Clearly an intellectual.  And no one stretches his mouth farther than Donald.

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!

I’ve had enough, I’m getting out
To the city, the big big city
I’ll be a big noise with all the big boys
There’s so much stuff I will own

He is definitely a big noise in the big big city, and has enough money to play with the “big boys”, especially those giving corporations, who are people, you know.  And does he own stuff?  Guys, he’s about to own the presidency of the United States.  I joked earlier about him putting Trump on the White House in big letters but – look, just – look what he did at the convention and tell me this isn’t a realistic possibility.

What I really appreciate about Donald is the subtly.

What I really appreciate about Donald is the subtlety.

And I will pray to a big god
As I kneel in the big church

Trump's entrance to the RNC convention. Need I say more?

Trump’s entrance to the RNC convention bathed in heavenly light.

My parties all have big names
And I greet them with the widest smile
Tell them how my life is one big adventure
And always they’re amazed
When I show them ’round my house, to my bed
I had it made like a mountain range
With a snow-white pillow for my big fat head

He has big parties, with big names, you guys, like wrestlers.  Some call it a “convention” but clearly it was a party for Donald.  There were huge balloons, lots of guys who appeared to be high on something, and it carried a very high chance of the cops being called.

People all over are amazed at Donald and his fancy house and his giant head.  Adventure!

Balloons are great for calming the masses. Ooooh pretty!

Balloons are great for calming the masses. Ooooh pretty!

Even Hillary lost her composure when balloons fell at the DNC convention! Pretty!

Even Hillary lost her composure when balloons fell at the DNC convention! Pretty!

And my heaven will be a big heaven
And I will walk through the front door

You might get through the front door, Donald, but I don’t think you’re getting past security.

Big time big time
My car is getting bigger
Big time
My house is getting bigger
Big time
My eyes are getting bigger
Big time
And my mouth
Big time
My belly is getting bigger
Big time
And my bank account
Big time
Look at my circumstance
Big time
And the bulge in my big big big big big big big

No words.

No words.

Thank you greatly for not finishing that last line, Peter.  So you see?  What a great song I’ve ruined.  One that used to sound over the top, but not now!  Now it’s presidential!

Excuse me while I find my cave.  I’ll require big white pillows for the screaming.

Any other songs you can think of that describe our candidates or the election in general?  I’m thinking *”It’s the End of the World as We Know it” and “Highway to Hell” would be good choices.

*Wait Trump and Cruz both used that one already.  Really.

~ Alice

New Presidential Test!

I’ve been thinking about how to reform our election system.  At first I considered just having a boxing match, but you know how much trouble that would be, right?  First it really wouldn’t be fair with older or female candidates, who might not have the same strength as younger, hotter opponents.  Unless we’re talking Bernie Sanders or Hillary Clinton, both of whom I’m pretty sure would be very scary out in the ring.  I wouldn’t go up against them.

Wait, this actually happened?  Obama is like pumped!

Wait, this actually happened? Obama is like pumped!

You know we’d be talking major doping here (more than just being a dope, taking drugs) and selecting surrogate champions.  He who has the most dollars can hire the best boxers!  And we’d have boxer lobbyists, and endorsements from Nike, and so on.  So boxing is out, even if it would be massively more entertaining than primaries, secondaries, caucuses, etc.  It would work quite well for protestors.  Just let the Bernie lunatic fringe and the Trump supporters go at it in one big ring, see what happens.

But what about a test?  I mean we expect our kids to take a ridiculous amount of tests, so why not our candidates?  These could be oral questions, but they would be yes / no and multiple choice, so no dancing around the topic like in debate.  We are not giving them essay or short answer tests – we know how well that works.  I have a lot of experience taking tests, so I have some good ideas for questions.

Get your thinking caps on, politicians!

Get your thinking caps on, politicians!

1.Do you use Twitter?  Yes or No. 

No equals 10 points.  Yes is automatic dismissal

2. Did you watch Sesame Street and / or Mr. Rogers as a child?

Yes equals 1o points.  No equals no cookies for YOU.

Cookie Monster would have had my vote!

Cookie Monster would have had my vote!

3. Which of these did NOT happen in the Bible?

A. Stoning people

B. Healing people

C. God giving Moses the Bill of Rights

D. A great, big, beautiful flood

Answer C 10 points.   That was tricky! We all know it was Jesus who gave us the Constitution.

Totally how it happened.

Totally how it happened.

4. What do you think of really tall walls?

A. We’re just another brick in it.

B. Walls gooood!

C.  Why are we discussing walls again?

Answer A and C 10 points.  5 more if you know who wrote The Wall!

One giant leap to America!

One giant leap to America!

5. What is your favorite amendment to the Constitution and why?

A. 2nd amendment cause it means we can all tote at least 10 machine guns, shoot people, and still get votes.

B. 1st amendment because it guarantees my freedom to curse and demean people who don’t follow the freedom of MY religion which is the ONLY religion.

C. There are more than 2 amendments?

D. All of the above!

E. None of these are right, you moron.

A, B, C, D – no points.  E 10 points.  Signed check to me means any answer is right. 10 points

Go ahead and repeal this one, right?

Go ahead and repeal this one, right?

6. What is the most important issue affecting the American people?

A. The GAYZZZ

B. Mexican Muslim rapist terrorists – they’re everywhere waiting to kill you!

C. Donald Trump. Oh, God, Donald Trump.

Answer C.  10 points.  No, Bernie, I didn’t list food, shelter, and medical care for all.  Gawd.

I AM THE CHAAAAAMPIIIOOOON!

I AM THE CHAAAAAMPIIIOOOON!

7. Does Canada look really good this time of year?  Yes or No.

Yes – 10 points.  No – you clearly haven’t been paying attention.  O points and no beer.

8. Is it okay to lie, cheat, and steal?  Yes or No.

Yes if you don’t get caught.  10 points.  No if you are too dumb to hide your evidence. -10 points

Please quit writing emails.  All crooks now use texting.  Keep up.

Please quit writing emails. All crooks now use texting. Keep up.

9. I don’t like the candidate for my party.  What should I do?

A. Vote for the candidate for the opposite party.  Sure, why not?

B. Vote for a third party.  Like the Unicorn party.

C. Vote for the candidate you’re given and LIKE IT.

D. Throw a big temper tantrum.

Answer – Vote for anyone who isn’t Trump, then run to Canada.  10 points.

Write in Sparklepony for President today!

Write in Sparklepony for President today!

10. How soon should you start campaigning for President?

A. As soon as the new president is elected.

B. No more than 6 months ahead of time.

C. Never.

Answer – C, C, C always go for C.  10 points

Okay, so maybe this isn’t the best test ever, but it’s a start.  Anyone have ideas for other questions we should ask?  Let me know in the comments below!

~ Alice

Proper Grammar with Boogers

Oooh, oooh, I can't decide!!!

Oooh, oooh, I can’t decide!!!

Hi, all!  You may not remember (I didn’t) but two years ago I wrote a post entitled “Ten Things to Do With a Picked Booger”.  It wasn’t that impressive, booger-wise, just a top ten list. This post generated a lot of comments, as most of my highly intellectual posts do, but just the other day it got a new comment!  I am always excited to see new comments, especially when they are like this one.  I’m not even sure how to describe it.  Let’s say it’s better than the comment on the Dragon Tail’s Review post in which I was called a “40-year-old farthead”.  See for yourself!

Hiiii, Dorman!

Hiiii, Dorman!

This is my first response to dear Dorman.  I have so much to say.  First off, thank you for making a simple blogger very happy.  I haven’t had such a good laugh in a while.  Here are some other questions, off the top of my head.

  1. What exactly was your “random search”?  Was it for boogers?  Do you search the Internet looking for posts to grammar check?  Specifically booger posts?
  2. Did you like my fragments there?  Feel free to point out other errors.  I will save them up in my heart.
  3. You realize this was a post about boogers, right?
  4. I do have advanced degrees.  I have a B.A. and an M.A. in English and an MLS in Library Science.  I like to collect degrees, then completely ignore them.
  5. Thanks for letting me know that I can improve my comedic timing with a couple of well-placed colons and apostrophes.  I bet you are a laugh a minute: really!
  6. Do and not do not equal don’t. They equal “donot”, or using the proper English spelling, “donut”.
  7. You aren’t Shakespeare and, thusly, do not sally forth. 
  8. My Corps of Creative Types can beat up your honor student.
Allow me to present to you this badge, Dorman.

Allow me to present to you this badge, Dorman.

If you think this comment was bizarre all by itself, then get ready.  I showed this comment to a few people, and my old friend begged to answer it.  Ravin’s response was, to my delight, followed by more responses by Dorman. Thank you so much for not just performing a drive-by grammar run.  This is much better.

You can check the original post for all the comments at the bottom of the page, though they are unbelievably, and hilariously, long.  We are talking my lawyer friend with the genius I.Q. versus a blogger who probably sleeps with a grammar text.  This is the kind of thing you just can’t make up.

I do have some quotes I’ll use with proper quotations (or close enough).  My friend informed Dorman that I had advanced degrees.  Response: “George “Dubya” Bush has “advanced degrees”. You’re misinterpretation of my gentle nudge is sad, and likely testosterone-fuelled.”

"That wasn't funny, Dorman! I talk good!"

“That wasn’t funny, Dorman! I talk good!”

I’m wondering how exactly ol’ (see what I did there!) Dorman knew my friend was male, much less infused with lots of testosterone.  We’re talking a grammar argument here.  These are not generally considered overtly masculine.  I’ve never heard Arnold Schwarzenegger engage in one during a fire-fight.  I’m not even sure what sex Dorman is, so I’ll just refer to Dorman with the pronoun “it” until I have confirmation.

Here’s some other good ones.  Ravin suggested Dorman leave as we were all full up with crazy.  Response: “You’re entirely correct: ’cause “aliceatwonderland” is waaaaaaaaaaay overstocked.”  Thanks, Dorman! Crazy was exactly what I was aiming for, but you helped!

One last bit from my new friend.

Is twit-wit in the dictionary, or are you being 'funny' with us, Dorman? Ha: ha'.

Is twit-wit in the dictionary, or are you being ‘funny’ with us, Dorman? Ha: ha’.

I hope you, my readers, are properly educated by this post.  If you glance at the old post, you’ll see that some of you were there!  Ah, what a long, twisted, twisted road we’ve walked metaphorically.  Anyhoo, please leave comments below.  Hopefully Dorman will come back!

P.S. Dorman: My generation was not born with I-Pads and such.  We were born in the mid 1970s, so I guess you could call us “flower infants”.  How old are you?  Congrats on mastering the keyboard!

~ Alice

The 40 Club

While I mourn my 30s, read this little bit about turning 40 that she wrote just for me. 😀

Knocked Over By A Feather

Guess who’s joining the ranks of the 40 Club today?

Alice!! That’s who!!

40Don’t make fun of my meme, I was in a hurry.

I called her early this morning to sing happy birthday (sorry about that, dear.)

And now, because turning 40 is such a great and wonderful thing (not really) I am going to do a short post on how to tell you are now officially middle-aged.

Pay attention Alice, this is important information.

  • That popping sound coming from your knee? Yeah, that’s normal.
  • Music may start to become way too loud for you and you’ll find yourself reaching to turn it down because old.
  • Young people will completely befuddle the fuck out of you.

millennialsSay Snapchat!

  • You’ll experience total face-palm moments when you realize that 80’s music is now considered classic rock.
  • The cashier at the store is now calling you ma’am (or sir.)
  • Starting a…

View original post 99 more words

Kryptonite: A review of Captain America Civil War!

If I go crazy

then will you still call me Superman?

– 3 Doors Down

Please do not snort glowing, green rocks, kids!

Please do not snort glowing, green rocks, kids!

Even if you aren’t a nerd, you probably know about Superman.  The big, tough guy who wears his patriotic underpants over his tights, whose secret identity can be bought at Lens Crafters, and whose greatest weakness is Kryptonite, a green space rock.  The fun thing about superheroes is that you can identify with these guys, whether it’s wanting to be like them (for Superman flying, not wearing my underpants over my pants) or having a weakness.  And we have many weaknesses.  Internet, binge-watching competitive cooking shows, heroin, or secretly liking Justin Bieber.

You’ll note I didn’t add liking Trump to this list.  That falls under the category of “evil-doer’s minion”.  Justin first must get into politics to qualify for that.  I’m thinking 2030 or so, but don’t worry, by then we will probably all be extinct.  Accentuate the positive!

Supervillain? Or his own minion?

Supervillain? Or his own minion?

Anyway, I recently went to see Captain America: Civil War in the theater with Thing One who had only been nagging about this since the beginning of time.  Okay, I was wanting to see it too because I like all the humor mixed in with this latest series of Marvel Comic Books movies.  Superman is from another comic company called D.C.  The best way to tell them apart is that Marvel got bought out by the great Empire of Disney and makes really profitable movies, while D.C. . . . doesn’t.

Tell all your troubles to super mutt there.

Tell all your troubles to super mutt there.

What I like most about these movies, in spite of never having read the comic books, is all the humor combined with unbelievable violence that never seems to really affect anything.   Also it might be because the guys are super hot (get it?) and wear tight outfits over their muscles.  I am not a dirty old woman.  For your information Captain America was born like in the 30s or something but was frozen in ice like a popsickle for years because – who cares?  And Thor is totally a Norse God so he’s like several thousand years old, give or take you know.  I want to be a Norse Goddess in my next career.

As you can see, these back stories make complete sense, so we definitely want these guys to have realistic problems.  And this movie did it.  If you don’t want SPOILERS, and I do mean this both in revealing secrets and in the way I give this review (SARCASTICALLY) then you might want to run, RUN!

Okay moving on.

Hot guy on hot guy action! Wait I didn't - mean it that way. . .

Hot guy on hot guy action! Wait I didn’t – mean it that way. . .

This movie took a while to get started.  Like a long time.  There was this Russian guy, and this other Russian guy, and this dude called Bucky (no really) who was Captain America’s best friend back in World War II but is now an insane assassin but Cap knows there is still GOOD in him even though he kills lots of people.  Even more than Captain America does!

And turns out people are bugged about the death and destruction while superheroes fight the super villains and save everybody!  Except those dead people.  I always assumed that they went back and found the people safely ducking and covering under the smashed cars, then did Habitat for Heroes and rebuilt the buildings.  Not really, I honestly didn’t care.  But now the U.S. government IS caring about killing random people (this is a first) and decide they need to reign in the superheroes.  Maybe it’s because the government prefers to kill them themselves?

After they wake up from their naps, that is.

After they wake up from their naps, that is.

That’s what Captain America is thinking.  Why trust the government even though he was a loyal soldier back in the 1940s and was eager to fight Nazis for freedom?  And Iron Man (played by the adorable, snarky, sarcastic Robert Downey Jr.) normally does whatever the heck he wants partly because it annoys everyone else, especially his teammates.  I love people who purposely irritate others and get away with it!  But this was not the Iron Man here.  This Iron Man wants to give it over the government.  Why?  Because they had his girlfriend Pepper (no really) played by Gwyneth Paltrow (no really) leave him and people come up and yell at him for killing their children while saving the damn planet and this has him all depressed.

SEE? You're even making the kid cry, Robert.

SEE? You’re even making the kid cry, Robert.

Noooo.  Iron Man is what makes these movies so much fun.  This is like turning Tigger into Eeyore and expecting the same dynamic.  But it’s not really about the other Avengers (Thor and the Hulk are off playing a round of golf or something) but a Captain America movie.  That’s why we have Russians and Bucky.  Bucky, Bucky, Bucky.  Right, well, part of the group are meeting at the United Nations building to sign some contract and KA-BOOM big explosion.  The king of *Uganda – for some reason the U.S. is suddenly paying attention to violence in Uganda – is kinda dead.  Oops.  Luckily Black Widow, one of the two women in this superhero movie, has survived the massive explosion with, I’m not kidding, a bit of dirt on her cheek.  Her hair is great, her suit is fine.  She hasn’t even broken a nail.  At least there was unintentional humor there.

Before explosion.

Before explosion.

After explosion. We makes spies explosion proof these days.

After explosion. We makes spies explosion proof these days.

Now in the advertisements there was much to do about Captain America and Iron Man beating the crap out of each other.  So I was sort of waiting for that.  It took a long time.  Really long time.  Most of the time Cap is trying to protect Bucky from people wanting to kill him for pretty good reasons.  It turns out Bucky is not at fault, though he was for all the other deaths like oh . . . Iron Man’s parents.  OOOOPSIES.  Iron Man doesn’t take seeing video (by the random Russian guy) of his parents being tortured all that well.  So runs after old Bucky, who Captain America protects, so then he starts whackin’ on Captain America, who whacks back, and so forth.

Finally Captain America darn near kills Iron Man, and leaves him there.  Cause justice and the American way?  Bucky gets frozen again – oh yeah he was frozen too – and later Cap writes a letter saying gee sorry Iron Man, want to rejoin the club?  And why not, right?  And it just ends there.

Like, I'm sorry, okay?

Look, I’m sorry, okay?

Oh there were some good lines here and there.  They get a couple of new characters, and when they are all fighting each other and asking if they’re still, like, buds after this, it’s got that same old feel.  Humor and violence.  But still, it’s not my favorite of the series (and there are a lot of these movies to watch – you actually need a list to figure out the order of all the movies about various characters.)  The politics were confusing, like real politics, as was a lot of the story.  But maybe my main problem was that everything around me is depressing, and depressing is my Kryptonite.  For turn your brain off fun,  I recommend the first two Avengers movies, or the Iron Man Movies, or anything with the name “Robert Downey Jr” in it.  Or whatever you actually like to watch.

Robert Downey, Jr., please cheer up.  Heck with Gywneth.  I am available anytime.

-Alice

* Edited to Add: Thing One informed me the country is Wakanda, not Uganda.  So it just sounds like an African country.  My bad.  In my defense, I think the U.S.  wouldn’t care about Wakanda either.

For some fun, check out this video.

 

 

Broken, but still good

My friend Merry wrote this when I couldn’t. Please read.

Knocked Over By A Feather

I was chatting with my amazing friend Alice yesterday, as we usually do on a mostly daily basis. I never dreamed that blogging would gift me with another best friend to add to my short list of the two other people who have qualified as “best friend” material in my 40 some years on this planet.

Let’s face it, not everyone we meet is destined to be a real friend, someone who needs you as much as you need them to get through this thing called life. My mom told me years ago that if you have one good friend, you’re lucky.

I think that I must be extra lucky.

Someday I will find a way to fly to Texas so that I can give her a hug and we will laugh and cry together.

“Did you ever see the movie “Lilo and Stitch?” she asked.

I said yes, of…

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How do you fight evil?

Note: This is not a post furthering an agenda.  Unless that agenda is “Try not to be evil.”

I’m sure most people know about the Orlando shooting by now.  I didn’t until just this morning because I tend to avoid news outside of what pops up uninvited on Facebook while I am talking to friends on chat.  I had just discovered the brilliant workaround of placing a napkin over the fb news box when I started chatting with my pal Merbear.  First we discussed our emotional states (meh) and how to scramble eggs properly (I cannot even accomplish this) and what we were currently eating (Me: waffles.  Her:  An English muffin with sausage and cheese – just in case you were wondering).  She had just written a post on the tragedy, and was more than a little bummed that our world seems to be going straight to Hades.

The Onion had the same sentiment.

The Onion had the same sentiment.

“It’s simple, evil exists.” she said.  “How do we fight evil?  How?”

I’ve had difficulty writing lately.  It’s hard to see outside of a sad pony, and often you turn inward.  My plan was to try to pull out a post for my daughters’, because Thing Two just had a birthday on the 10th (12 years old?) and Thing One will turn 16 (16 years old?????) on the 17th.  Then I realized that even with the depressing subject matter, I could do both.  Mer mentioned that she wouldn’t want to bring children into this world now.  I agreed, but then I thought of my own kids who are here now.  I felt badly for them, for all the violence and hatred that they have faced, and will face.  But then I remembered that they are the answer on how to fight evil.  You fight evil with good, and hope, and love.  I know, I don’t normally talk like I’m farting out skittles (as Merry would say), but it is the truth.

toot toot?

toot toot?

The other day we were driving and a man stood on the corner with a sign.  As usual I tried not to make eye contact.  I never know what to do in that situation.  It’s kind of dangerous to just hand out money to someone while you’re driving – you might get hit by someone.  Plus I wonder if it will do any good at all.  One dollar?  Five dollars?  I don’t know.  But when I looked behind me I saw that Thing One had her hands grasped in prayer.  I thought it was because I’d just called her, in a friendly type way, a little twit for something.  But no, she was praying for the man.  Because, as she said, he’d asked for prayers.

No fanfare.  No look at me I’m praying!  I’d have never noticed if I hadn’t looked back.  Sure, you might say, it’s just a prayer.  She didn’t go out and invite the homeless person into our car so we could get him a room at the Hilton with a free breakfast.  But she did do something that too many Americans aren’t doing enough of today.  She took a few minutes out to think about someone else’s misfortune.  Her sister is equally sincere in her empathy for others, often challenging those who bully others.  I try to be a good mom, but that’s not all me.  A lot of that is just who they are.  And it is those values that will give them hope to keep going, to keep offering kindness, and to make a difference in this world.

And they, thankfully, are not the only ones.  A line of people formed around a blood donation bank early the next morning.  This was symbolic not only of thinking of others, but of doing something about it.  They were giving blood for the blood lost.  It will be too late for the 50 victims of this tragedy, but not for the many injured people today, and those who may sadly be shot tomorrow.  As John Oliver says, “The terrorists are vastly outnumbered.”  I’ll show you a clip, because he says this all better than I do.

I saw much discussion in the comment sections of articles on Facebook.  As usual, many have turned to politics.  Either wanting to take guns or have more guns or complaining about the agenda to have guns or not have guns, or just blaming it all on Obama like they do the mayonnaise shortage at your local Subway.  Certainly the fact that it was a gay club, and the terrorist was Islamic played into the response in places.  But that – as I stated above – is not what I’m getting into right now, although I easily could (and have).  It’s about the basic question: How do we fight evil?  Hint: It’s not in a political argument on Facebook.

It’s in thinking of others.  It’s in doing for others.  It’s in following the greatest commandment no matter what your faith: Love one another.  Even if all you do is buy a coke for one person feeling down (you don’t have to buy a coke for the entire world), you did something.  You made a difference.  We all make a difference, all the time, with our words and actions.  For good or for bad, we make a difference.  Let’s try to make the right difference.  Here’s just a few more examples of what people have done for the victims in Orlando, Florida, from the Orange County sheriff’s office.

We thank the legions of supporters who are reaching out to the Orlando community!!
As the investigation remains active and open in the horrific Pulse nightclub mass shooting, here are some resources and links available to the public.
•Orlando officials are identifying the victims and notifying their families. The names of the victims will be added to this link: http://www.cityoforlando.net/blog/victim….
•The Department of Veterans Affairs is providing emergency mental health assistance to Veterans, employees, and the general public in wake of the mass shooting. An Orlando VA Medical Center Mobile Medical Unit is located at the Beardall Senior Center, 800 Delaney Ave, Orlando, 32801, or call 321-277-6672.
• Blood donations — OneBlood has reached capacity for blood donations, so no further donations are immediately needed. However, anyone interested in making an appointment to donate in the near future can go to oneblood.org/donate-now/ or call 1.888.9Donate.
•Funds for victims and families — Equality Florida has set up a GoFundMe page at Gofundme.com/PulseVictimsFund.

I wish my beautiful daughters good luck in the future.  It may look dim now, but they will add brightness.  Because they are my Things.    They are my antidote to despair.  They are my reason for hope.  I love them both, and wish them a happy birthday.

~Alice

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