Disney Hunger Games!

The Things and I were playing with Disney dolls and they decided to bring in the Hunger Games dolls.  An idea was born.  Intro by Thing One.

The Disney world was enjoying their happily-ever-afters when a new corrupted Disney executive came up with the idea of having the royalty fight to the death to bring back their popularity and get more money for the Disney Empire.  Now the princes and princesses (mostly) find themselves facing life or death as they are chosen to fight in the new Disney Hunger Games.  There can be only one survivor.


District of Arendelle

kristoff and anna

Kristoff and Anna

Pro: Kristoff can cut ice and command a reindeer.  Anna can punch.

Con: Both are so gosh darn adorkable.

District of French-ish town

ballroom scene beauty

Belle and Beast

Pro: Beast can toss around wolves.  Belle has book smarts

Con: Beast is confused because he was a prince then a beast then a prince then a beast again. Belle might trip over ballgown.

District of Neverland

peter and tinkerbelle

Peter Pan and Tinkerbell

Pro: Peter can fly and sword fight.  Tinkerbell can fly and is willing to murder her competition.

Con: Peter will never grow up.  Tinkerbell can be taken out by saying “I don’t believe in fairies.”

District of Appleton

snow white three

Snow White and Prince Dude

Pro: Snow White can summon cute animal creatures.  Prince Dude can wake dead with kiss power.

Con: Snow White is the most gullible person in the universe.  Prince Dude is kinda creepy.

District of Narcolepsy

sleeping beauty

Phillip and Aurora

Pro: Aurora can also summon woodland creatures.  Phillip can fight a freaking dragon.

Con: Aurora is very sleepy.  Phillip had to have fairy help with the dragon.

District of China-ish town

mulan and li shang picture

Mulan and Li Shang

Pro: Mulan and Li Shang can kick butt

Con: Their sequel sucked.

District of Blue Corn Moon

john smith and pocahontas

Pocahontas and John Smith

Pro: John Smith can jump off ships and climb mountains.  Pocahontas has leaf powers.

Con: John Smith got taken out with one little bullet.  Pocahontas steals cubs from bears.

District of Agrabah

aladdin and jasmine1

Aladdin and Jasmine

Pro: Aladdin familiar with running for his life.  Jasmine can act.

Con:   Jasmine can’t even grocery shop.  Aladdin lies and steals and – wait that’s a pro.

District of Atlantis

mermaid boat ride

Ariel and Eric

Pro: Ariel is willing to risk lives for her own cause.  Eric can impale a sea witch.

Con: Ariel still mastering the walking, talking thing.  Eric is cute but falls for hypnosis way too easily.

District of Clan Dunbroch

merida and brothers

Merida and Triplet brothers (count as one)

Pro: Merida can kick butt.  Triplets can cause havoc.

Con: Merida not the most strategic planner (mom becomes bear).  Triplets can cause havoc.

District of Disneyland Kingdom

cinderella bachelorette

Cinderella and Charming

Pro: Cinderella can handle a broom and command mice and birds.  Charming can, um, dance well?

Con: Cinderella is way too nice.  Charming can’t figure out his dream girl without a shoe.

District of Hairland

rapunzel and flynn

Rapunzel and Flynn

Pro: Rapunzel good with a frying pan.  Flynn familiar with running for his life.

Con: Rapunzel obsessed with lanterns.  Flynn lies and steals and – wait that’s a pro right?

Who will go out first?  And how?  Will the couples kill each other?  Who will form the first alliances?  And most importantly – who will be the one survivor?
Please give your guesses in the comments below.  They are as good as ours.
                                                               . . . To be continued . . .

My Things in Song: Thing One

Ah, irony.  Once I had published Thing Two’s post, I realized that I would now have to think up a song for Thing One.  Oh oh.  I should have thought that song thing out better.  What if I couldn’t think of one for Thing One?  What if I was too lazy to think up one for Thing One, kind of like how I was too messed up with a four-year-old and a baby to make a proper baby book for Thing Two like the massive scrapbook I did for her sister, a fact she has never let me forget.  (No matter, she has started filling in her own baby book with magic marker.  If something needs doing, Thing Two does it).

Hey, how come MY books ends with

Hey, how come MY book ends with “She was born on June 10th?”

But I digress.  This is about Thing One, the first, the guinea pig, the one  you supposedly get all this parenting experience with so the second one is easier. Hahahahaha.  Yeah, you might as well adopt a daisy and then a rottweiler and expect the two to involve the same care.  This is not to say I think my eldest is a plant and my youngest is a guard dog.  It’s just a comparison.  I can say when a baby and toddler my eldest stayed still like a daisy.  She liked it in her little secure pot of dirt.  And she was super quiet and cute, like a daisy.  In fact, she didn’t really talk for three years, relying on the occasional scream or look of annoyance to get you to do her bidding.  Everything good will eventually come to you, that was Thing One’s child model.  There is no reason to go grab a gallon of milk and haul it across the room at two (hello Thing Two), magical mother or some big human will do that for you.  Just wait.  Also, diapers are awesome.  Heck with that potty.

Does mom really think that's going to work?  Pffffft.

Does mom really think that’s going to work? Pffffft.

Now that I’ve surely embarrassed the poor – good gravy – 15-year-old – I will say that Thing One has changed.  For one thing, no more diapers!  Though she has entered puberty, which, she claims, is kinda like going back there, what with having to wear certain things for that one time of the month we will not discuss.  Nor will be discuss anything else about puberty, because if you don’t think about it, chances are it might just go away.  There is always hope.

As it turns out, the teen years are not like the shows on Disney.  Thank goodness.

As it turns out, the teen years are not like the shows on Disney. Thank goodness.

But while she doesn’t like a lot of the physical changes that come with growing up, she is definitely growing up.  That mind of hers, much like her sister’s, was always working.  It’s just that we don’t always hear it all at once.  She spends a lot of time in her own little world thinking.  Maybe a little too much time thinking, as she’s told me it’s hard to shut off and go to sleep.  Sorry kid, you came by it honestly.  Yet she continues to amaze me with her insight, her empathy, and her sense of self.  Both girls have more of that than I do now.  She knows what she believes, and she goes through with it.  When another kid was being picked on by a friend, she protested it.  That took a lot of guts.  She also told other kids in her class (we’re in Bible Belt Texas) that she’s a Democrat.  That took guts too, and possibly a bit of masochism.

I did not dress her in political baby clothes.  I swear.

I did not dress her in political baby clothes. I swear.

Both kids are into politics, and have been since they were very young.  Part of this is because many parents around here have decided it’d be awesome to talk about the President of the United States in not-so-nice-and-respectful terms.  Even though they surely didn’t know what Republican or Democrat really meant when little, they knew what MEAN meant, and they didn’t like it.  Thing One asked me if what they said about Obama was true.  So we looked some things up.  And she bought a children’s biography of the President.  And she not only read it, she schooled her classmates on it.


See Thing One fact check.

See Thing One fact check.

Alas, it does little good.  But it doesn’t stop her from trying, or from being herself.  Like Thing Two, she dresses the way she wants, and she wears her hair the way she wants (even when Mommy desperately wants to pull it back in a pretty clip).  She isn’t a social butterfly like her sister, but she’s no recluse either.  She can fit in when she wants to – it’s just that she often doesn’t really care about social graces.  What she does care about is social justice.  She wants peace, though she finds it a bit much that everyone in Star Trek really gets along so awesomely (I do too).  She cares about the poor and disadvantaged, she believes in equality, in kindness, and while she is strong in her Christian faith, she does not just take it in blindly.  She reads, she thinks, she discusses.  And she applies, such as when her father said there was nothing wrong with being uber-rich.

“It’s easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than a rich man to get into Heaven,” she told him while I secretly made a “YES” fist pump in the background.

Ooooh snap!

Ooooh snap!

And so this is why the song I chose for Thing One is “Rhythm Nation”, a Janet Jackson song that happens to also be one of her favorites.  It’s a good choice, because who can forget that awesome music video with Janet getting down in that military-like dance?  It’s still fun to watch today.  And it’s wonderful to watch my Thing One grow up.

“With music by our side
To break the color lines
Let’s work together
To improve our way of life
Join voices in protest
To social injustice
A generation full of courage
Come forth with me”

I love you, Thing One.


My Things in Song: Thing Two

On Wednesday, my Thing Two, my baby, turned 11.  Yup.  I’d feel old at this moment, except that her sister, Thing One (I am so creative with names), will next Wednesday turn . . . egad . . . 15.  That should not be possible as I’m pretty sure I’m younger than Thing One, maturity wise anyway.

They grow so fast

They grow so fast.

But that’s okay, because as they say, kids keep you young.  Or just drive you so insane you think you’re young, and so you do stupid stuff like try to jump on a trampoline when only part of you actually jumps with you, and other things, like your thighs, just don’t move at all.  And you look silly.  But your kids still like it.  Well so far they do.   I’ve only managed to really embarrass Thing Two by singing “Under the Sea” as loud as possible while she exited the car to go to school.  Yes, I have all the lines to almost every Disney song memorized.  Be afraid, children.

Under de seaaaaaaaaaaa!

Under de seaaaaaaaaaaa!

Anyhoo, I didn’t get a post done on her birthday, so I decided to do something different and think up a song that reminds me of each Thing.  I thought of several different ones with Thing Two.  “You Crack me Up”, and “She Drives Me Crazy”, among them.  But really, the best one, and the one that will probably make her give me that “You are a terrible mother and I’m moving to that orphanage in Oliver Twist” is “MmmBop”.

Do you wanna sing some MMMMBOOOOPPP?

Do you wanna sing some MMMMBOOOOPPP?

Why this song?  Because it’s perfect that’s why.  It’s sung by precociously talented children, is nonsensical and goofy, and if played long enough makes me want to climb a wall.  On the other hand, it’s also insanely catchy, happy-go-lucky, cheers me up, and makes me want to jump-dance like the Peanuts gang.  Sometimes we join hands and all do it together.

Thing Two has been a handful since the beginning – a handful of love and crazy.  She climbed tables and cabinets to eat bananas (through the peel sucking out the fruit like a monkey) before she was a year old.  And as I’ve said before, she taught me that super glue is not poisonous, though probably not good for your tooth enamel.  Nothing like walking by and seeing a tube of the stuff with tooth marks in it.

Now imagine TEETH MARKS.

Now imagine TEETH MARKS.

She’s the only baby I’ve ever known who growled at me when she didn’t get her way.  Playpens, baby swings, and any restraining device was of the devil.  Naps were for sissies, like Mommy.  She always wanted to be “in the middle” which meant sister did not get to sit by Mommy, only Thing Two.  “IN DE MIDDLE!” was so familiar, I had to get Thing One up first so we’d have some time to sit together.



She had definite favorites from the very beginning.  Penguins were especially high on the list for years.  I know every breed of penguin – there are like 19.  Who knew?  She loves what she loves, and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about it.  For quite a while she dressed like a living Rainbow Bright doll, but that was her style.  She likes being weird, and that’s awesome.  Now her favorite things range from Minecraft, Star Wars, and Legend of Zelda to My Little Pony and Disney dolls.  She also happens to be my most social child.  The majority of my phone calls are her friends calling my phone since my Thing is the last child on earth without her own cell phone.

Hey, wanna play Super Smash Brothers?

No cell?  Does your Mom like live in 1982, dude?

She’s artistic, a hilarious and fabulous author, a computer and camera wiz (here Mom it’s like this) and a loving friend to almost anybody.  I’m sure I’m leaving things out, because there is so much to Thing Two, that you can’t stick it in one package.  The last 11 years have been a crazy roller-coaster ride, and I expect that to continue.  She’s nothing like her sister – she’s nothing like anyone I know.  And I can’t wait to see how she grows.

Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows
It’s a secret no one knows

Time has passed so quickly since I had a gave birth to a screaming baby with black Don King Hair and bright red skin.  Now she’s trying so hard to grow up as fast as possible.  I hope she doesn’t try too hard.

Off to work, Mom.

Off to work, Mom.

In an mmmbop they’re gone
In an mmmbop they’re not there
In an mmmbop they’re gone
In an mmmbop they’re not there

Love you, Thing Two


Great Ebay Finds!

Ebay really is like the world’s biggest garage sale- but with a twist.  I mean, generally speaking you won’t have someone at a garage sale trying to sell you something for 10,000 dollars or more, but with Ebay there really is no limit.  Even if it’s total crap.  Oh, there are some really nice finds on Ebay, if you look hard enough.  But I’m not here to talk about those, of course.  I’m here to talk about the crap, cause that’s what I do.

Since I collect Disney dolls, most of this stuff will be related to dolls, figurines, etc.  So keep in mind that this is barely scratching the surface of crap.  There’s loads more of it.  I need a new metaphor.

Anyway, here’s just five of my favorite Ebay finds, just in case anyone has a kid (or an immature adult) with a birthday coming up in June.  Like say my Things and me.  Not that I want anyone to get me a birthday gift.  Yes I do. I want this.  You should be able to swing it with no problem.

Anybody got any spare change?

Anybody got any spare change?

I will say that one of my lovely readers DID give me a gift, just because she loves me.  Unlike the rest of you. :)

Meet Ringo Starr, and his basket of goodies.

Meet Ringo Starr, and his basket of goodies.

Mental Mama gave me everything but the bunny, who I dressed up with the fabulous blue bangs to look like Ringo from the Beatles.  He says the cocoa is FABULOUS.  But enough of that stuff, let’s get to the gifts that are guaranteed to make your recipients notice!

OOAK dolls (One-of-a-kind)

I’ve recently discovered the world of OOAK dolls, and may I say, I’m impressed.  Many people have great talent and easily turn out works of art much better than the original Disney molds, especially if you’re talking about dog-faced, measles infected Rapunzel.  Then there are the other ones.

1. Bride of Chuckie

First off, here is the before picture.

Clearly this girl needs some work!

Clearly this girl needs some work!

and the AFTER PICTURE . . .

I look at this and OMG OMG OMG OMG!

I look at this and OMG OMG OMG OMG!

I’m pretty sure I saw this doll staring at me last night.  All night long.  Just in case that one didn’t frighten you, here’s another picture of her for future nightmares.



Thing Two just informed me she’s apparently the sister of Balloon Boy (Balloon Girl???) from the jump-scare horror game “Five Nights at Freddie’s”,  and for only 150 dollars!  Just look at the resemblance!  And by all means, do not lose power in your house.

Oh hi there dolly ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Come playyyy with meeee.

2. Amputation and a Haircut, 2 bits

My kids were performing this artwork at a very young age.

My kids were performing this artwork at a very young age.

This doll was actually tagged as an OOAK because of her new haircut that absolutely wasn’t done by a young child or anything.  Oh and the added headband.  There are a few warnings given – in creative story form! –

“This Disney Tangled Barbie Doll got tired of her Tangled Hair so she got a Custom Cut!  She now has a cute, short, asymmetric bangs layered cut that can be held back by her purple headband.  She has such a sweet face!  Her arms move both back and forth and out to the sides.  Her legs are jointed at the knee, but she did have an accident….fell out of her tower (as she had no long hair to climb down :))….and sustained a right leg below knee amputation!  Her broken off leg is included, so the new owner can glue it back on if desired.  She does have a tiny, manufacturing “beauty mark” dot at the base of her neck as seen in the photos.  She may have very light playwear marks.  She comes dressed in her purple dress with pretty lace around the neckline.  Please view all photos carefully!”

Hey, honey, here’s Rapunzel.  What happened?  Oh, the evil witch cut off all her hair and pushed her out of her tower and her leg came completely off – why are you crying?

Tenderly Used

Speaking of amputations, these are the dolls or figurines that just need a little bit of good old TLC.  And super glue.  And likely a trash bin.

3. “Let it go” does not mean body parts

Elsa broken hand foot etc

Just a couple of items missing . . .

What’s fun about this one is that the seller didn’t bother to include the hand or the foot, so there’s no gluing back, not like with Rapunzel who could have had her lower leg glued back on.  She’d never bend her knee again, but with custom hair like that, who can complain?  But what I love the most is the explanation of the ornament’s condition.

Item has broken hands and missing foot – a beautiful ornament at a discount price!

Did they take a dollar off for each missing appendage?

4. Non-Singing Singing Doll

I thought only Ariel was dumb enough to give up her voice!

I thought only Ariel was dumb enough to give up her voice!

Now this is a prize.  Sure she’s a singing doll that doesn’t, you know, technically sing.  And her arm is broken.  And it looks like her one usable arm was stuck in a light socket cause that hair be freakin’.  But other than that, I see no reason not to spend 26 dollars on her, do you?  Bargain price.

Boxes.  Just the Boxes.

5. No, really, take a look.

Doll not included.

Doll not included.

I”d heard of people selling dolls without the boxes, but boxes without the dolls?  If they’re special limited edition boxes, yes, people will pay for only the box!  And they’ll pay more for the boxes than for most dolls.  Good news for babies who have mastered their I-Pads.  They can finally get their favorite thing for Christmas!  But watch out for the collectors!

Well that’s all for now, kiddies, but let me just leave you with one little thing.  It’s under the desk.  Take a peek.

Come on, it’s okay.

Just one look.

Don’t be a fraidy cat.

Do it.

She's watching you.

She’s watching you.

Yeah you should really never listen to me.  Or go on Ebay. Scary stuff out there.  I’m waiting for “Five Nights on Ebay” to hit the video game shelves any day now.  And yes, she’ll be there.


Disney Mother’s Day

The Disney princesses aren’t exactly wild about Mother’s Day . . .

But Muuuum, I don't want to go shopping!  Girls, doncha understand?

But Muuuum, I don’t want to go shopping! Girls, doncha understand?

Our Moms are all dead.  THANKS DISNEY!

Our Moms are all dead. THANKS DISNEY!

Ummm, my mum was a bear once?  Errr, awkward.

Ummm, my mum was a bear once? Errr, awkward.

Happy Mother’s Day – for all who have lost their moms, and all those who still have them.

La la la la la bomb-a!

On the way to work this morning, I was listening to La Bamba on the radio and, as usual, singing along even though I not only don’t really know what he’s singing about in English, I don’t understand for sure what Spanish words he is singing.  And then I thought, hey, why don’t I try to translate this song despite not knowing what the heck I’m doing in either language?  After years of Spanish and English, I could make so many teachers cry silently at once.

Come on, Vamanos.  Everybody let’s go!

What are we doing? We don't know!  What are we doing?  We don't know!

What are we doing? We don’t know! What are we doing? We don’t know!

Spanish version (Espanol, muchachos!  Yo rock-o!)

La la la la la la bamba!

La la la la la la bamba!

Necesito un poco de gracia

Una poca de gracia

A mi fatia

Arriba, arriba!

Arriba arriba por ti dicen

Por ti dicen

I think she missed a few steps

I think she missed a few steps

(next verse, I’m worse than the first!)

Yo no soy no dinero

Yo no soy no dinero

Soy capitan

Soy capitan, soy capitan

La la bamba

La la bamba

La la bamba

La bamba



(repeat lines a few more times, no one will notice, they’re still singing “bamba bamba”)

Bamba bamba

Bamba bamba

Bamba bamba

Bamba bamba

And now to make you cringe even more, here comes my English translation! 

English version – Yay yay yay dumb Anglos!

The the the the the bomb!

The the the the the bomb!

I need a little thanks

A little thanks

My favorite

Yay yay!

Yay yay for your talking

For your talking!

(He wanting thanks for making the bomb, or for defusing it?  Yay yay!)

Arriba, arriba!

Arriba, arriba!

I don’t have any money

I don’t have any money

I am the captain

I am the captain

The the  bomb!

The the bomb!

The the bomb!

The bomb!

Stop, por favor, Alice.

Stop, por favor, Alice.

Bomb bomb!

Bomb bomb!

Bomb bomb!

Bomb bomb!

(I’m guessing at this point the bomb blows up thus ending the song?  Maybe if he wasn’t a broke captain, he could have stopped the bomb, which clearly was not defused.)

So what do you think?  Are you thinking I might have goofed up some of the lines?  Or rather accidentally gotten one or two right?  Who knows?  La la la la la bamba, amigos!

Lo siento, mi profesoras.

She's very sorry.  As she should be.

She’s very sorry. As she should be.

Alice (Alicia)

The Princesses of Disneyland County: Elsa Goes Evil

It’s been a while since I’ve visited this series, a series some say rivals the Lifetime network in nonsensical plotlines and use of plastic.  No nakey dolls here, though, so look for your sexy pony pics elsewhere.*  Anyway, I already introduced our main family, the Kristoferrsons, who include Kristoff, Anna, and their four kids.  I forget their names but one was named after the reindeer, Sven.

Obviously we have other princesses here, like Belle and the former Beast guy who is now not nearly as interesting, and their children, one of whom is a a little beastie herself.  Belle is stuck teaching not only children but a continuing education class for the princesses with stunted intellectual growth (it’s a full class).  Ariel and Eric have a beach-side house complete with pool and BBQ grill, but Eric is stuck on an all seaweed diet until he gets out to party with the other princes, who should never be allowed to watch their own children.  Aladdin and Flynn are great pals and love to have adventures that frequently force their wives to bail them out of jail.  When they feel like it.  But I digress.  I’m talking about Auntie Elsa today, the single I-don’t-need-a-man chick who is totally comfortable in her own skin.

Until she tried on Maleficent’s dress and went off the deep end.  Again.

Wow, I can't believe Mal sold her stuff to a thrift store.  Maybe I'll just try this thing on.

Wow, I can’t believe Mal sold her stuff to a thrift store. Maybe I’ll just try this thing on.

Ooh, I'm liking this.  Evil, yeah, I could totally do that.  Just for fun.

Ooh, I’m liking this. Evil, yeah, I could totally do that. Just for fun.  A few minutes, tops.

Riiise my snowman minions, rise!

Riiise my snowman minions, rise!

Bwahahahaha, now no one can stop me from taking over the suburbs!  I think I'll start with Anna's cul-de-sac!

Bwahahahaha, now no one can stop me from taking over the suburbs! I think I’ll start with Anna’s cul-de-sac!

Uh, Elsa, the people at the thrift store called and said you were kinda acting weird.  Again.

Uh, Elsa, the people at the thrift store called and said you were kinda acting weird. Again.

THIS is for sitting outside my bedroom for thirteen years!  I built snowmen, Anna, lots of 'em.  Now dieeeee!

THIS is for sitting outside my bedroom for thirteen years! I built snowmen, Anna, lots of ’em. Now dieeeee!

Elsa - you're just not yourself today.  Have you had your snickers?

Anna: Elsa – you’re just not yourself today. Have you had your snickers?                                                                          Elsa: That’s a granola bar.  Anna: Just freaking eat it.

Oh, whoa, I feel much better now.  Thanks, Anna!

Oh, whoa, I feel much better now. Thanks, Anna!

Good thing Anna saved the day, there.  Elsa is much better now, but banned from the thrift store.  Also the mall and the grocery store, but those are stories for another day.

Speaking of stories, is there anything you’d like to see the princesses do next?  What family would you like to see?  Do you want me to stop playing with my dolls?   Because my counselor says it’s okay as long as they don’t talk back to me.  Anyhoo, let me know what ya think.


*Sexy pony pics used to be a common search word on my blog.

Fun with Dolls: What was Elsa DOING behind that door all that time?

In case you missed it somehow, I dig that movie Frozen. The funny thing is, I’ve only watched it twice (I swear!  No word on how many times I’ve heard one of the songs).  I also love collecting the dolls along with my kids.  I got a new Elsa – she’s so fancy, everybody knows, cause she’s got a fancy outfit, and a fancy price.  But anyhoo, she’s also quite flexible if you TAKE HER OUT OF THE BOX.  I mean, really, what else do you buy and then just leave in the box forever?  I don’t get it.  You’re supposed to play with them.  Studies show that if more people just played with dolls, they wouldn’t be playing boom boom with guns and accidentally shooting their pals during drunken hunting trips.  Or becoming vice president.

But moving on.  Even if you haven’t seen the movie at all, you can’t help but know some of the songs because they are played over and over.  And over.  In one of them “Do you want to build a snowman?” Anna sits outside of her sister Elsa’s door for like thirteen years or so, asking her to come out and play.  Anna doesn’t take a hint easily.  Anyway, I was wondering if, while Anna was out there running around the castle aimlessly and banging on her door, or sitting at her door, or leaning up against her door, what was Elsa doing in her room?

Ohhh Ellllllsaaa, come out and plaaaay . . .

Ohhh Ellllllsaaa, come out and plaaaay . . .

Well it just so happens there was a hidden camera in her room (probably set there by a relative of that creeper Hans) that caught some of Elsa’s moves on camera.  Let’s check them out, shall we?

Elsa quite enjoyed coloring and writing letters to "Dear Abby".

Elsa quite enjoyed coloring and writing letters to “Dear Abby”.

Dear Abby:

My parents locked me in my room cause I have freezing powers and my little sister has spent the last decade slamming her body into my door and screaming at me to go play with her.  It was all her fault I froze her brain in the first place.  I’d thank you to please answer my letter this time instead of telling me to “please seek help”.  That’s why I WROTE you.  Jeez.


She practiced Yoga for better control.

She practiced Yoga for better control.

Dear Abby:

I am trying to practice Yoga to help with my little problem.  I keep freezing my Yoga mat and slipping.  Also when I do headstands, the blood rushes to my head and and I get brain freeze.  Should I give it up?


Elsa tries out gymnastics.

Elsa tried out gymnastics.

Dear Abby:

Gymnastics is really tough.  I can do a mean splits, but it doesn’t appear super elegant in my wool dress.  My parents will not buy me a leotard despite being a king and queen.  They are unfair, especially since they let Anna ride a bicycle through the house while standing up.  I heard her crash into the stairs the other day.


Elsa tried out dancing.

Elsa tried out dancing.

Dear Abby

My parents went away on a two week trip, so I did a little dance.  It’s hard to dance in this dress.  I don’t dare go out, yet, because my sister just told me our parents mysteriously died in a shipwreck.  I don’t believe her.  I think she is possessed. 


Elsa played with ponies

Elsa played with ponies

Dear Abby

I don’t actually play with ponies.  I am a collector.  I just think they’re nice, is all, and magical, and sparkly, and express the true meaning of friendship.  Also I think they are spiritual talismans that can ward off evil.  I plan on stringing one around my  neck before I face my sister.


Elsa got daring and showed off some shoulder.

Elsa practiced for her debut.

Dear Abby:

I’m tired of this buttoned up look.  I decided to show off a little shoulder today.  Look out, world.


Elsa tries out her Marilyn impersonation.

Elsa tries out her Marilyn impersonation.

Dear Abby

Oops, some wind blew up my dress the other day. I have some pretty nice legs.  I wonder if my powers could go into dressmaking?  Did I tell you I created a living snowman back when I was four? 


P.S. I think I’m finally ready to leave my room.  You can call off the restraining order now.

So anyway, for those of you at all familiar with the movie – what do YOU think Elsa was doing behind the door?  Also, do you think maybe Anna is secretly evil?  Here’s a video that might give you second thoughts.

Real Life in Disney Song

Okay, so the last post was like, serious and stuff, and that makes me really uncomfortable, so back to the stupid crap I usually post.  Hooray?

Right, so the girls and I were watching some videos last night and there was this lady that did the entire song “Belle” from Beauty and the Beast herself – there are a lot of background singers in it.  And then the tune was stuck in our heads. So we went around sing -talking everywhere.  And we couldn’t stop.  It was too much fun.  Here’s the video so you can get the tune stuck in your head.  Then look down for our samples of fabulous singing lyrics.

Oh WordPress editor

I hate you so much

Why can’t you be just like before?

With the boop boop beep bop crap

And the settings I don’t get

I really want to smash you into bitssss


Looook here I’ve found some lauuuundry

If I close my eyes it dis-a-ppears

Thennnnn I don’t need to do chores

Until I figure out I have no clothes to wear


Oh look I see that the trash can is full now

It’s time for you to take it out

Go and get your shoes

And dump out that old news

And don’t forget the liner this time Things!

Good thing I'm not Cinderella.  No laundry for me!

Good thing I’m not Cinderella. No laundry or trash dumping for me!

Oh hey I think it’s time for prayer now

Your dad wants me to shut my mouth

But I really can’t give in

I know it is a sin

Maybe we could just sing the whole prayer this time?


Bonjour good night, It’s time for bed now!
Bonjour, good day, I’m wide awake

Why can’t I sleep when it is time to?

Now -I -know-I-will-be-tired-all-day


I want much more than this same old job!

But they don’t pay you just to be a sloooob!

It pays a lot more if you marry rich, yeah.  It's better than an MLS . . .

It pays a lot more if you marry rich, yeah. It’s better than an MLS . . .

And so on and so forth.  The fun thing is that you can do it with any song.  Since I have way too much knowledge of Disney songs, I’ll try another one, from The Little Mermaid “Part of That World”.

I want to be

where the cool kids are

I wanna see

Wanna see ’em gossip

Walking around like they’re

What’s the word?  Jerrrrrrks

'Dose popular kids dey hate you, just stick with de nerdy crowd!"

‘Dose popular kids dey hate you, just stick with de nerdy crowd!”

Got any song lyrics of your own?  Want me to do more?  Because I can and I will do it all day.  I just don’t think I’m feeling well.  You can ask me to shut up.  But I’ll still spill my guts.  Your only choice is to run from my blooog.

Facebook News: How Many Babies Can You FIt Inside a Senior Citizen?

I have to say, guys, I am on a roll here with this Facebook news.  All this time I had no idea some of this news was even happening, since I seem to keep missing TLC’s weird shows in the line up.  I’m always in time for the wedding shows.  How many times can they talk about a wedding dress?  There’s not much humor there.  Oh, look, today we have some moron with more money than sense (or with parents who qualify) taking an entourage of people with her to find a dress for her wedding day.  And the dresses MUST start at like 10,000 dollars or you might as well wear a garbage bag.  And it’s important to have both the dress shop owners AND your family members repeatedly insult you about your choices – like an episode of Maury only with more fashion.  This is not at all like what happened on the last 1,000 episodes.

Dress: 1 bazillion dollars Credit Card Bill: Priceless

Dress: 1 bazillion dollars
Credit Card Bill: Priceless

And since this is obviously so fascinating, TLC must have dozens of shows about the exact same thing – wedding dresses.  And then they must show them in a marathon.  Until your brain bleeds.  Really, TLC, I have more important stuff to watch.  Like shows about the lady with Freddie Krueger nails and the eternal Santa Claus looking for love.  Or all those zany mishaps ending people up in the ER.  Or the baby powder snorters.  And of course there are the baby-making shows.  Either shows about who can pop out the most kids, how many babies they can fit inside them at one time like a gumball machine, what size those kids are (if you can do it with average size adults, it can be done with little people too), how the kid was born in a forest or a car or on the sidewalk beside a daycare (all true), or how people can have twins without even knowing they are pregnant.  I’m not sure if the one about the mom and her teen being preggers at the same time is still on, but it wouldn’t surprise me.

Speaking of fascinating births, we have our latest bit of Facebook news, and it is totally blowing Alyssa and her breastmilk out of the water, er plane.

Pregnancy Over 50: 65-year-old Berlin Schoolteacher Pregnant with Quadruplets

Wow.  What can I say except – hey, Americans, you are totally letting us down here.  We have to go to Berlin to find someone this whacked out crazy.  I mean getting pregnant with quads is weird enough, but when you’re eligible for social security?  And you already have 13 children, the oldest of which is 44 and too old for having babies herself?

No problem, I feel like I'm 55 again!

No problem, I feel like I’m 55 again!

I try to peer into the mind of someone like this.  Why would you want another baby at that age?  She has 7 grandchildren.  Those are the best.  Take ’em for a while, give them loud, obnoxious toys and fill them with sweets, then send the home.  Yet she wants more of her own.  Couldn’t she like, adopt some puppies?  People don’t frown if you occasionally put those in a kennel.  Or baby dolls!  They have lifelike ones and I’ve seen some people on TLC who drag them along in real strollers like actual children which is whack, but not as whack as four real babies at 65.  Saying they all survive.  There seems to be a contest for people to have the most babies at one time so they can score reality shows and stock in Huggies.  But the thing is, we aren’t dogs.  We’re people.  We’re not actually meant to have litters.  Technically, even a twin pregnancy is high risk.  So – someone needs to take away this lady’s access to baby-making tools before she and all her children are in diapers together.

There were a lot of comments on this article.  Some say she is selfish since she’ll probably die and leave the babies without an insane mother.  I say she wants her 15 minutes of fame.  And guess what?  She’s got it!  If she can just toast those babies a few more months in there, she could get a reality show for sure.  Move over Kate plus 8.  We’ve got Geriatrics plus 17.  Three more and she could outdo Michelle Duggar, who only has 19 of the little buggers.  Maybe she could get married too – she’d need a wedding dress!  And if she married a little person, our story would be complete.  As long as they make sure she has the quads out in the woods or something.

This is Alice, your Facebook reporter, signing off.


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