BEST NEW HOLIDAY TOY: STICK!

The Christmas season is upon us again! Joy is in the air! So is Covid! So maybe we should just think about what’s most important: toys. We all want toys for Christmas. I don’t care who you are, you want toys, though maybe you adults should keep some of those to yourselves. This is for THE CHILDREN.

Don’t worry, I have invented the best toy ever with the help of my counselor. Well, this wasn’t exactly what she had in mind, but we’ll get to that later. What’s the toy that every kid will want this Christmas?

Forget the Switch – Kids want STICK!

Stick is an awesome toy, and so versatile. You know how kids really love those “surprise reveal” toys so that they can open something, feel excitement for one second, then disappointment because they didn’t get the surprise they wanted in the surprise toy? Stick is a surprise reveal toy!

Just peel back the layers andddd . . . .

Oooh, you got a Drag Queen Stick!

That’s not all! There are many STICKS to be found in the mystery rolls! If confused parents would like clue though, Brawny towels tend to have more boys, Sparkle towels more girls, and if you are happy either way Bounty should have you covered!

For those who need a bit more . . . MAN

But what does STICK do, you ask? What does a Barbie do? She sits on her butt until you do something with her! Same with STICK, but there are some suggested activities. Now my counselor whose idea I did not steal for my new invention suggested that you should write a bad thought you have on a sticky note and put it one of the holes. Or shoot it out of the hole. I’m not sure. I’m pretty sure a hole was involved. You can also do it my way.

First Think of a Bad Thought . . .
And smash it! Again and again and again! Wee!

If you enjoy STICK, and I know you will, you’ll want to buy our other STICK products. Like BABY STICK, so you can have a family of Sticks.

Who needs Fisher-Price when you’ve got this, huh?

I sense dissent in the ranks. Why buy STICK, Alice, when you are clearly using paper towels, and gross, toilet paper roll holders as toys? I am NOT. These are special. STICK goes in the toy aisle while the paper towels go in the paper towel aisle. Ask any Walmart employee, and they will inform you that there are often things like paper towels in the toy section. Also hamburger meat. Anyway, fun fact, STICK is recyclable nd environmentally friendly! You can use the wrappings to mop up man size spills (is it wrong that I have a thing for the Brawny man even though I can’t see his whole face?) and both wrappings and toy are biodegradable! It’s simply a win-win for everyone, especially me. I mean YOU!

So go on down to your local store and find your own STICK! You’ll be glad you did!

So many to choose from! We got a new strain of Covid for Christmas! Hurry before they are all gone! Seriously!

I wish to apologize to C.C. for this. Happy Holidays!!!!

-Alice

6 responses

  1. Happy Holidays, Alice. Now I’m running out for paper products. I’m going to create a “You’ll shoot your eye out” version based on A Christmas Story. Beware when you look through the hole.

    1. Think of the range we could get with that idea! What projectile will you get when you look through STICK?

      1. Yes, looking for a STICK.

  2. Whenever I play with my STICK in public people call the police.

    1. People can be so unreasonable! Happy Holidays, Revis!

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