The Legend of Monchhichi

This is one of those times I think they should probably revoke my parenting license.

A while back, Angie over at Childhood Relived once again brought back one of those nightmarish 80s memories.  She’s really good at that.  This one involved a monkey.  Or is it a baby?  No, it is some bizarre conglomeration of the two, like Frankenstein’s Chimpbaby.  It was originally an import from Japan, so you know right there it’s gonna be weird.  The toy is called Monchhichi and this is what it looks like.

Is it a baby?  A chimp?  Or a MONSTER?

Is it a baby? A chimp? Or a MONSTER?

Yeah, I know, right?  Creepy.  So not so long after that post, my father returns with, you’ll never guess, a Monchhichi !  He found it at a garage sale.  My first thought, after freaking out just a little bit, was hey, I can get money for this thing.  No such luck.  A search on Amazon revealed that this was an earlier reissue in the 1990s.  You can tell because it has blue eyes, not brown, or something stupid that only people who collect these freaked out creatures would notice.

So I went ahead and gave it to Thing Two.  But it still wigged me out a little.  And so – this is when we get to the parenting issue – I had an idea.  I’d make up a back story for it.  It’s not the first time I’ve done this.  When the kids were younger, I was reading one of those irritating children’s stories.  This one was about a bear named Hug-Me which naturally provoked the Gag-Me response.  Hug-Me can’t decide what sort of day it is so he walks around his house and asks all his friends, who do various things like tying him up as part of a game (I’m not making this up).  Also, there is a clown doll (called Clownie, of course) that just randomly appears, prompting  a scream of terror from me.

Kinda like this guy.   Everybody scream!

Kinda like this guy.
Everybody scream!

But it gets weirder.  See Hug-Me is a stuffed bear, and all his friends are stuffed, and never once do you see any real people.  I found it suspicious that a bunch of animated stuffed animals lived alone in a human house. Where were the people?  What did these animated clowns, bears, and whatevers do to them?

I decided that it had to be foul play.  And to entertain myself, I started changing up the story as I read.  See the stuffed animals launched a revolt and ate the humans (or imprisoned them in the basement) and now they are livin’ it up in their house.  The girls, predictably, loved the story and wanted me to reread it. They still do.  I had to tell them we couldn’t read it at Grammy’s house.  She already has her doubts about me.

But I was going to tell you about Monchhichi .  See, I got this bright idea one day to make up a story about him, a legend if you will.  A bright and cheery one, sort of like the Legend of Sleepy Hollow.  This legend tells that the chimpbaby Monchhichi is actually a tiny monster that comes to life while children are sleeping and likes to live in their armpits.  It’s warm there.  The girls found it hysterical.  Now you do NOT want to be around that stuffed animal because it WILL find its way into your armpit via one of my children.  There is no stopping it.  So I’m actually starting to fear a creature of my own creation.  Where will he pop up next?  Will I be sure to have both arms down?  You just never know.

So that’s why, if there were a parenting license, I would probably not get one.  Generally parents are supposed to protect their kids from nightmares, not create them.  Wouldn’t you like me to babysit your small children?  I’ll bring the Monchhichi .  They SAY Monchhichi means happiness, but I think it means armpit goblin.  You decide.

Guard your pits, people.

Guard your pits, people.

50 responses

  1. It is precisely because of shit like this that I never reproduced. My kids would be foul mouthed and doing bizarre things and CPS would totally take over. But for the record, I think a sleep over at your house would be amazing.

    1. I went in their room once and they had tied up one of their Barbies with one of my honor cords from graduation and were hanging her from the bunkbed. I told them not to tell their school counselor.

  2. Your story is creepy – but not as creepy as the toy itself. Also, I think this Monchhichi has some hampster genes in it too – just look at its cheeks.

    1. Maybe that’s where it stores the evil – in the cheeks.

  3. I have never had one of those..and after reading this, I am fucking glad….the My Buddy doll is alive, I tells ya…

    1. My Bud-dy, my bud-dy, wherever I go, he goes . . . eeek, that song sounds pretty scary now that I think of it.

    2. Oh dear lord I remember that thing.

      Hey boys! Want to commit social suicide? WE HAVE THE DOLL FOR YOU.

      1. So true! Real manly boys played with action figures, not dolls!

    3. Don’t forget Kid Sister!!!

      1. She just couldn’t let My Buddy have the spotlight, could she?

        1. As someone with four kid sisters, I feel My Buddy’s pain….

  4. “Frankenstein’s Chimpbaby” – that sounds kinda cute until you’re faced with the hideous reality.
    I never had any toys that terrified me. I’m feeling left out 😦

    1. Oh, I bet you had creepy toys, but you don’t remember it because when you’re a kid they don’t always creep you out as much. For instance, I was not freaked out by my Cabbage Patch Kids at the time and now I look back on it and go . . . a baby out of a cabbage? And, and, that face!

  5. LOL you should check out this entry of mine:

    But proceed with caution….if you don’t like clowns.

    1. Well, that was terrifying. I guess it serves me right, what with the monkey scare. Just remember – keep your arms down.

  6. Yes, I’d like to reserve your services to babysit the little prince. What times/dates do you have available? You can tell him whatever stories you want… armpit goblins, devious stuffed animals, smoking caterpillars… that’s smoking because they are on fire, not because they are enjoying a tobacco product, and whatever other madness, er, um, creative idea you can come up with.

    1. If I read him Alice in Wonderland, there is a Caterpillar that smokes a hoopa pipe. Not sure if Carroll ever says just what the Caterpillar was smoking, but I have a pretty good idea. I could say he was blowing strange looking bubbles. Wait, your kid’s just a baby, right? I could read him Tales From the Crypt and he wouldn’t care as long as I read it in a nice, soft voice.

      He might need therapy later, though.

      1. Meh, you don’t have to worry about that. He’ll need that after I read him the Dark Tower series anyway.

  7. I hate creepy dolls like that! My grandmother had some of those old fashioned dolls with the moving/blinking eyes and those things freaked me right out too. For some reason statues and also this small plastic native american figurine also freaked me out. The lips on this native american figure were badly painted, like a red slash and I think it reminded me of a clown and I HATE clowns too. Ahhh..the nightmares.

    1. Oh, I do love how we apply Western ideas to the Native Americans. Of COURSE Pocahontas wore Sexy Red #5 lipstick and a D cup bra. Once I even saw a Native American Nativity Scene. WTF. Now that’s offensive to two different faiths at once, since I’m fairly sure they weren’t Christians, certainly not when we were first introduced. But I digress, they do sound creepy.

      And clowns – just – why? Why?

  8. Someone told me once that my kid had cute, chubby cheeks like one of these demon creatures. My DNA has failed my child.

    1. Yikes. If it helps, my youngest looked a bit like Don King when she was a newborn. All that shocking black hair sticking straight up.

  9. I suddenly remember the Monchhichi jingle… it will now be stuck in my head for days… you are truly evil….

    1. Moncchichi means happiness! (vomit)

  10. I think I flushed something that looked like that once.

    1. Stop eating chimpbabies, TD. You could get serious bowel troubles and might have to consult Merbear. 😀

      1. I didn’t say it went in that way…

        1. I don’t want to know what other way it went in.

          1. Admit it. You’re mildly curious.

          2. I am. But how does that work with the armor.

            I just saw your post on the Freshly Pressed Page! Woooot!

          3. I know! Woot!!!

            You know the armor can come off, right? We don’t wear it ALL the time.

          4. That would be awkward in the shower. Is there a little flap that opens on the bottom of the armor for potty time?

          5. Now I’m wondering who took that picture of you, and why.

          6. Please don’t ask questions you’re not prepared to hear the answers to.

  11. Nah, I think you are doing a good job. You see in life there are the boring kids and there are the fun kids. Your kids are not going to be one of the former, and that is a good thing.

    1. Thanks! They are definitely not boring, that’s one thing you can say about them.

  12. I have the Monchichi jingle in my head. It’s been there since I was a child. And it’s SO CREEPY. “Monchichi, Monchichi! Oh so soft and cuddly! With their thumb in their mouth they’re really sweet; love to tickle their little feet!” (OMG KILL ME NOW.)

    I totally had one of these. I hate monkeys. Therefore I hid it under all the other dolls and pretended it didn’t exist.

    1. YES, you can see the nails-on-the-chalkboard rendition of that song on Angie’s blog – she has one of the original commercials posted. Eeeeek. Why are their hands and feet and face like human but the rest is monkey and aaaaaaaaaarghhhh. I am NOT tickling those feet.

  13. That clown doll reminds me of the one that hid under Robbie’s bed in Poltergeist and then beat the crap out of him in the middle of the night. I was so glad I had a set of drawers under my mattress. There was no room for anything to hide underneath.

    1. Check out Claudia’s post (up above) for a picture of that sweet little clown. He was probably hiding in your closet the whole time.

  14. I remember these things, and the jingle referenced above! I know at least one of my sisters had one in the early 80’s…

    1. I never had one back then. I don’t think. There were plenty of other disturbing toys, though.

  15. If I had kids I would love you to baby sit for them.
    I can, somehow, see those dolls beating the shit out of Chucky and his gf. Stabbing them and spitting on them while laughing and being so adorable, like the animals of the christmas critters from South Park.

    1. Aw, those little scamps! So adorable, especially the mention of using the blood of their victims as lube.

  16. Crikey, kids TV is some seriously scary stuff.

    What I’d like to know is what you think of the Teletubbies…

    1. You’re in luck! I happen to have a review of the Teletubbies and SO MUCH MORE under the tab on top called Children’s TV Reviews. Here’s the Teletubbies one

      1. The shape of the teletubby was designed so it would respemble a baby in a nappy, apparently…

        1. A very strange baby in a very loaded nappy.

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