Have you ever been groovin’ to a song, then one day stopped and actually listened to the lyrics and realized you were happily singing along to a song about a creeper?  I just noticed that the other day when I was singing along to Billy Ocean’s “Get Out of My Dreams”  It’s quite catchy, if you just don’t think about what you’re singing.  But my Thing One immediately ruined by groove by saying “That’s pretty creepy, Mom.”  Where might she have gotten that idea?  Let’s look at the chorus.

Get Outta My Dreams

Get Into My Car

Get Outta My Dreams (get in the backseat baby!)

Get Into My Car (beep beep, ooh yeah!)

Here comes the man in the white coat . . .

Hmm.  Okay, well, that is a little weird.  I mean, sure, we’ve all had crushes and daydreamed about a person before asking him or her out.  But . . . this guy wants her in his car.  And I mean, like, right now.  In the back seat.  Like, whoa, hey, buddy – let’s slow the car down just a wee bit, eh?

I’m not sure I’d be super happy to hear that a guy had been dreaming about me and now wanted me in the backseat of his car.  Not only that, he wants her to “touch his bumper” so they can “make a deal.”  Jeez, Billy, why not just ask her to get in the trunk?  Anyway, being the good parent I am, I started making up my own lyrics with stuff like “let’s tie you right up” and “stick you in my trunk (beep beep ooh yeah!)” etc.

Thing One found this hilarious, of course.  So yes, I am officially much more disturbed than Billy Ocean.  But it’s not just the song that’s messed up, but the video.  Remember this was the 80s, so people dancing around randomly with awful hair and clothes is a given, though part of the time Billy looks like he’s wearing a long white robe which is odd even for the 80s.  We’ve also got that innovative use of cartooning over film which sucks now and sucked then.  It doesn’t even have anything to do with the song.  We’ve got a duck running alongside the car with a boombox, and occasionally the light fixtures become mouths, and other psychedelic imagery that I don’t even want to think about.   Despite his obvious delusions, the girl hops in the car with him anyway.  I’m guessing she showed up on Unsolved Mysteries pretty soon after that.  Check it out.

Moving on.  The next song is an oldie but a goodie by Elvis, who is definitely not a creeper even if he did pick up his wife when she was like 12 or something.  The song is “Stuck on You.”  Stop snapping your fingers a moment and listen to the lyrics.

Please quit staring at me like that, Elvis .. .

You can shake an apple off an apple tree

Shake-a, shake- sugar,

But you’ll never shake me

Heh, heh, yeah, mmkay, how’s about I just get a handy little restraining order?  What do you say to that, Elvis?

Hide in the kitchen

Hide in the hall

Ain’t gonna do you no

good at all

Okay then.  Well, that’s just great, Elvis, if you don’t mind I’m just going to um . . . RUN!  But hey, there’s no runnin’ cause this guy is gonna “stick like glue” cause he’s you know “stuck on you.”  I’m picturing handcuffs here.  I mean, you’re great and all Elvis, but if the girl is hiding in the kitchen and the hall, maybe she’s just not that into you.  Just a guess, here.  We’ll all just wait till Elvis leaves the building.  While you wait, have a look at his video.  Just watch out for his hips – they’re armed and dangerous.