Dragon Whisperer

They are still following me.  I looked up my top search terms and you know what the top one was well DO YOU?  Check it out.

Search Terms for all days ending 2013-05-06 (Summarized)

All Time

Search Views
dragon tales 439
wordpress alice at wonderland 47
dragon tales characters 32
aliceatwonderland 24
50 shades of alice in wonderland 22
alice at wonderland wordpress 18
alice in wonderland wordpress 15
sad pony 15
fifty shades of alice in wonderland 11
dragontales 10
crack whore 10
dear santa 10
dragon tales emmy 10
next week horoscope 9
dragon tales logo 9
50 shades of grey satanic

Yeah, that’s right, folks.  It’s dragon tales.  By a FREAKING LAND SLIDE.  What the heck?  But that’s not all.  We’ve also got dragon tales characters and dragontales and dragon tales emmy (whu?) and dragon tales logo.  WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?  I mean, sure, there are some others.  The old reliable most popular search word from last year “crack whore” is still holding in there with 10, but that’s no 439.  Dragon Tales got more than Sad Pony, more than Santa, more than 50 Shades, horoscopes, or the name of my flipping blog.

My dragon tales review is suddenly my most popular post as well, even though I wrote it like two years ago before I even got to WordPress, hence the lousy formatting transfer.  So I decided to search dragon tales on Google and see if my blog came up.  It didn’t.  I went through like 10 pages and no sign of Alice anywhere.  So just . . . wtf?  I did find some other disturbing things.  For instance, did you realize there was fan fiction for this show?

Shudddddddder.

I don't even want to THINK about what they might have done with the bipolar duel-gendered dragon.

I don’t even want to THINK about what they might have done with the bipolar dual-gendered dragon.

It’s weird, guys, it’s really weird being stalked by dragon tales fans.  50 Shades creepers I get, sure, but dragon creepers?  I was up late last night chatting with a friend and bounced over to my blog – this was a short time after midnight.  I had one visitor and one view and guess what he/she was looking at?  Dragon tales.  Dun dun dunnnnnn.

I had no idea I was the dragon whisperer, but apparently I am.  Maybe I can get a show on Animal Planet.  They talk about Bigfoot and mermaids, so the idea of dragons not actually existing will probably not faze them.  I should get something out of this, since WordPress doesn’t seem to offer a blog restraining order.  But just so you know, dragon tales peeps, I know about you.  And I am NOT scared.  Nope, not at all.

Okay, maybe a little.

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31 responses

  1. Hey when you’re on a good thing stick to it I say. Amazing stats for the Dragon Lady…I mean the lady who wrote of dragons…the dragon whisperer…look out Cesar..she’s on your tail..or is that the dragons tail? mmeeeeh outta here.

    1. None of the fans seem to know how to spell the name of the show. I do hope that’s because they are actual children. Wait. Maybe I don’t?

  2. I think it’s time you wrote a Dragon Tales version of 50 Shades and watch the money start pouring in.

    1. I have a terrible feeling someone already has, and it’s in fan fiction.

      1. And the unsupervised 6-year-olds who are searching for Dragon Tales (obvious from the various spellings) will stumble into that fan fiction melding with 50 Shades and innocence will be lost forever.

        1. I think my innocence was lost when I saw the bi-polar, dual-gendered dragon the first time. Wait, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

  3. I’d say you take advantage of it and keep tagging all post Dragon Tales.
    Scary stuff, but I agree with Speaker7, use the weirdos in your favor.
    I promise I’ll watch your show on TV.

    1. You are my swellest fan, man. I think I might do that. If I can keep them and the spambots, I’ve got it made!

  4. What the hell is Dragon Tales?

      1. Evidently so. I don’t remember a clip being there… Of course, I read it on my phone so that may be why I didn’t see it.

  5. Dragon tales beat out ‘crack whore’? what is this world coming to?

    1. I know, right? I was so proud of that one too.

  6. Maybe you’re meant to write a little fan fiction yourself. Perhaps crossing 50 Shades with dragons. You could be the dragon S&M master, as I’m sure this is what you always aspired to be… 😉

    1. That would be so disturbing – I might have to try it! Imagine the search words I would get then.

  7. HA! OK, you forced me to do this… I love Google and I love to enter random phrases;
    I entered the following into Google: “Dear Santa I want a sad pony crack whore” it was great and a guaranteed way to get your site at the top of the list.

    1. Now I’m going to have to try that. After work, that is – I’m in enough trouble already. Don’t search for 1940s shoes on google images.

  8. That’s pretty funny. You just never know what will catch on. That’s why you have to be so careful. That’s what my mommy always told me: you must be very careful or else you will get a bad reputation. What’s a reputation, mommy? Shut up and eat your peas!

    1. I don’t give a damn about my bad reputation – (guitar solo!)

  9. I don’t think people finding you blog while looking for Dragon tales are a problem. Maybe you’ve disappointed a few hundred people looking for dragon tales, but at least they are reading your blog, unlike those phantom followers.

    1. Well, that’s true. I just can’t figure out how they found me with that term. How many pages did they go through? And what made them think – oh, hey, some Alice chick has a review so I’ll go look and OMG SHE’S EVIL!

  10. OK, that’s just creepy. Maybe it’s all EL James trying to get her own back on your dissing her “fine literature”?

    1. Could be. She is so proud of that literature. I can’t wait to see her “guide” to writing it.

      1. I suspect she has been posessed or something. Part of her is like “OMG, don’t mock my work, it’s just a story” and part of her is like “Mwahahahaha, I’ve made a load of money off these suckers, I don’t care, I’m off to the bank, mwahahahahahaha!!!!!”

  11. I friggin hate Dragon Tales. My kids watch it sometimes…they sit there all empty eyed and comatose, singing the intro song like they’re in a cult. Wait, that might be what’s going on here.

    1. I think that’s it. PBS has some ‘splain’ to do. You know they’ve been doing it with Elmo for years – never trust a puppet.

  12. Er….this is a safe place so I’m just going to say it. I like Dragon Tales. What? It beats BabyTV anytime.
    I’m a little curious about this fan fiction. How bad can it be?………then again that’s what I said before 50 Shades.

    1. BabyTV? Dare I even ask?

      I know, there’s a part of me that wants to check it out, like a train wreck. But then, oh, the HORROR, you cannot erase it from your miiiiiiiiind!!!!

  13. Well, dragons are awesome… maybe not dragon tales…

    1. They are not awesome. Or dragons. Dragons eat people and burn stuff. Why do people insist on taking the awesome out of creatures?

      1. They only eat and destroy if you don’t train them. You need to train them. Even old dragons can learn new tricks.

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