My First Troll or Dragon Tales Still Sucks

When I first started reviewing 50 Shades of Awful and Twidud, I figured I’d get some angry fan spittle all over my blog.  Even when I had only a handful of viewers, it wouldn’t have surprised me.  There are some fans so dedicated they will seek out anybody, no matter how small, in order to protect their sacred cow (moooo).  And yet – I never heard a peep.  In fact, one person who was a fan of Shades still thought I was funny and reblogged my post.  Go figure.

Then it happened.  A troll.  A real, live troll!  On my blog!  It was a wondrous day, you guyz.  I had to read the comment a few times to make sure it was real.  It was so much better than the spammers (this blog to read is educational to be coming back soon.)  You’ll never guess what post irritated the reader.  Not 50 Shades, not Twilight, not my occasional political ramblings, not the times I screwed up revered American holidays like Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving.  Nope.

Welcome, troll!

Welcome, troll!

It was Dragon Tales.  It’s been a while since I’ve done a review of awful children’s T.V.  I must get back to this, now that I’ve finished awful adult books.  But the troll was angry!  He or she told me “Dragon Tales is a good show!  It’s for kids, not for 40-year-old fartheads like you!”  Said troll had no blog, just an email address that went something like “dragontalesmaniacalfreakedoutfan.”  Let me tell you, I was deeply saddened by this insult.  For your information, troll, I am NOT forty, okay?

And that’s not all!  There was another comment on another post, this one about how Clifford was either doin’ steroids or exposed to nuclear waste.  It said, and I quote “Again, mean!”  Mean?  Me?  I thought my blog was sweetness and light!  Now I’m all disillusioned.

Sort of like when I saw this show the first time.  Those are NOT dragons.

Sort of like when I saw this show the first time. Those are NOT dragons.

I thought this was the end of it, but I think this person has a whole fan club that is still tracking my blog.  I keep getting hits because of it.  Check out the most recent search words people used to find my blog.  Just today: dragon tales (10), dragon tails (2), dragon tale (1), dragontales (1), and yesterday: dragon tales (11), dragon’s tale (3), dragon tale (1).  And this has been going on for a while now.  It might be my new top search word this year.  It would help if this fan club could figure out how to spell Dragon Tales.

Far out, huh?  This just goes to show you how bizarre the Internet can be.  I suppose I should be thankful to these guys for giving my blog traffic.  Therefore, I’ve decided to review it again.  Here’s the original post for any of you who missed it.  And a clip of the show, too.  Guard your stomachs.

 

Upon reviewing the show again, dear troll, I have to say . . . it still sucks.  Yeah.  Pretty much.  I mean, yes, it is for children and not adults.  But adults are usually forced to watch this crap too.  Unless they prefer to neglect their children like Max and Ruby’s parents.  (Max and Ruby review coming up, Max and Ruby fans!)  Besides, just because it’s for kids doesn’t mean it can’t have a little quality to it.  For instance, I can watch Sesame Street without gagging as long as I turn it off before the Elmo comes on.  But Dragon Tales makes the mistake of not only being annoying and stupid, but pretentious about it.

So sorry to spill your milk there (everyone makes mistakes, oh yes, they do) but I don’t like it.  Sure the dragons teach the kids Spanish (Why are the dragons Spanish?  Do they also have Russian dragons?  Scottish ones?) but we already had Dora for that (Saltaaaaaaaaaa!)  We didn’t need any more.  I mean, Dora was shrieky and irritating, but at least she didn’t whine nearly as much as these so-called dragons.  So, yeah, review stands.  On the suck-o-meter, we have a ten.  But please – do come back.  I’ll leave the rug cleaner out for you.

Love and kisses,

Alice

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47 responses

  1. I made it about 25 seconds into the clip and got pissed because it’s an obvious rip off of the time Pooh gets stuck in Rabbit’s house.

    1. I know, right? They can’t even make up their own dopey stories; they have to rip off someone else’s story. Where have I seen that before?

  2. I have small children and like you have stated about them being children’s programmes the adults still get forced to watch it if they child enjoys it ( or has to watch it first to make sure it’s appropriate etc). So I think adults are definately entitled to an opinion on the matter!!!!!

    1. Me too. I think the creators of children’s programs have long held grudges against their parents and are now getting even.

      1. Have you ever seen Baby Jake?! The creators were on acid or LCD surely?!

        1. Dare I ask . . . what is Baby Jake?

          1. It’s a kids programme here in the UK ( couldn’t find out anywhere on your blog where you’re from?). It’s seriously messed up and just plain odd!
            http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/baby-jake/

          2. I’m from the States – Texas. And OMG I just clicked on the link. I haven’t even listened to the video, and I’m scared. Why put a real baby’s head on a drawing? That is just weird.

          3. It’s creepy and if you do end up watching it… it’s ‘trippy’ to say the least!

  3. You now have some “keywords”/”tags” that are guaranteed to bring you massive quantities new readers! Well done! :0

    1. Dora, Clifford, and Dragon Tales readers unite! Alice is mean!

  4. I love you, Alice. Just so you know. 😉

    1. I love you too, Ruby. Good to see you!

      I’m hoping the troll visits. I’m waiting under this bridge here, see.

      1. I know, I haven’t been around (which you get), but always reading.

        And if they try to cross, take that toll from them in full measure. 😉

  5. I had blocked out Dragon Tales. And now thanks to you, it’s all rushing back. Nooo! Barney! Rugrats! Zach and Cody! NOooooo! nooooooo!
    (Oh and wait until you have to deal with TeenNick. Lay in your vodka supplies now)

    1. I’ve already had my fill of that thanks to the almost teen in the family (ZOMG NOOOO). Check out my review of Hannah Montana. Thank goodness that show went off at least.

  6. Haha lol, Dragon Tales!! Where did you dig that up from? XD I actually like this show, ’cause of the happy associations. It used to run when I was really little and we’d just moved to the states from Oz, and we did a ton of crazy stuff that year. And lol, I agree with womanmdsguide. You need that vodka if you’re doing teen Nick next. 😛

    1. You lived in Oz? Was it Lollipopville? Are there really Munchkins? Or were you more the Emerald City type?

      Teen Nick – ughhhh, I get that mixed up with Teen Disney crap, but they’re all pretty awful. ZOMG I have a totally NEW idea for a show. There’s this girl who goes to school and stuff but is secretly a ROCK STAR! It’s never been done before!

      1. Sapphire city snobs, lady. That where it’s at. 😉

        And yea, that sounds like it would take off, in a big way too!

  7. Did you notice that at 2:28 in the video, a remote appears on the bottom of the screen, as if someone is desperately trying to change the channel?

    1. I know I was. Back when the Things were small, I remember nodding off during PBS and being so happy when I managed to miss that show or one of the other winners, like Cailou. I knew the shows so well I could set my internal clock by them. What? Dragon Tales is on? Crap, I’m late!

      1. I don’t have any children of my own, but I expect that watching the children’s shows would be my least favorite part of having them in the future.

  8. I love the brave, anonymous internet trolls. They always have such meaningful things to say.

    1. I thought “farthead” was particularly inspiring.

      1. It is. It really is.

  9. As a parent I have learned to hate nearly all children’s “educational” shows. Even Sesame Street is pretty rough now, I mean what happened to the meeping alien dudes, seriously!

    1. I miss the meep meep aliens. They rocked. I have heard rumor (haven’t watched in a while since the youngest Thing is almost 9) that they were trying to make Cookie Monster eat veggies. That is just WRONG, people, WRONG.

      1. It seems that everything went downhill when Kermit became too popular and left the show. I guess moving on to the Muppets would be the natural move.At least Sesame Street still has Grover, he is still one of my favorite monsters.

        1. It’s like when John left the Beatles. They were never the same. Sigh. I love Grover too. He is an adorable furry monster that didn’t speak in a high pitched voice that made you want to kill him.

  10. You may be the only blogger out there whose search terms range from kid-friendly shows to smutty S&M bondage. Well done! And to raise the ire of a troll? I think that means you’ve officially made it. 🙂

    1. I think so too. I’m a blogger for the whole family! Just not necessarily all at once. Unless James comes up with a cartoon.

      Oh, no, oh no, I didn’t say that, no one give her ideas!!!

      1. Hahahaha. Good one. 🙂

  11. Congratulations on your first troll! My blog reached a similar milestone last week, when it received its first hostile comment (at least, I think so, although they may have meant “this is retarded” as constructive criticism).

    1. Hahaha! Good to see our trolls both have extensive vocabularies! I just hope he doesn’t come back and call me a Poopy Pants or something because then it’s gonna be ON, sistah!

  12. Boy oh boy! That is one mature troll, going all complex with a big word like “farthead”. How did you ever recover from such a clever insult?
    P.S. I’m glad I am not the only one who thinks it’s atrocious that Max & Ruby are constantly left at home alone.

    1. Parental neglect seems to be a cornerstone of children’s T.V.

      1. I’ve noticed. That’s not the kind of independence I’d like my kids to learn about either.

        1. Maybe it’s because kids daydream of their parents letting them do what they want? Except what kid would daydream about being eternally babysat by his overbearing sister?

          1. Ugh. Ruby is the worst big sister. I never liked that show, but after I found out I was pregnant with a little brother, I banned that pretentious big sister from our TV.

  13. Aw, such a cute little troll. I wish one would come and visit my blog – that’s how you know you’ve “really made it” – when you matter enough for someone to comment in a childish way on something they didn’t like.

    I’m not looking forward to the shows I’ll be forced to watch when the little prince grows up. Can’t I just start him off on Simpsons, Futurama, and Family Guy?

    1. I would. He’s a baby, so he won’t care what you watch for a while yet.

  14. The Trolls are everywhere. At least yours was easily recognisable; mine decided to tell me I was brainwashed and how to get myself un-brainwashed from the “dangers” of Christianity…

    1. Seriously? WTF. What is wrong with people? Hey, I know how to spend my time; go comment on someone’s spiritual journey. WHY was the moron even on the blog? Oh, wait, I guess he was trying to “save” you from being a Christian? He just goes around serving PSAs to people. What a guy.

      1. The name my troll was using was “William Wallace” and again it was just an email address not an actual blog, and yes, he was trying to “save” me from the horrors of Christianity (because clearly a religion which bases its teachings on love and respect is vile and must be stopped). It’s like the post that Madame Weebles re-blogged, written by WP user Copybot, about that awful Hyundai advert, and the amount of insensitive troll people on there telling her to just get over it. I loved how there was another user calling themselves “Anti-Troll Brigade” and giving the trolls marks out of 10 and calling people out on their lack of compassion.

        1. I was just reading that! I can’t believe the nerve of those people. Hey, here’s someone hurting, let’s insult them but oh, we don’t have a blog, just a fake email. Jerks. Yes, I did like the Anti-Troll Brigade. That should be a super hero.

          1. I guess some people are just so thick skinned that to them it really is “just the internet so it doesn’t matter because it’s not real life”. It’s at times like that when I find myself wishing there was such a thing as karma.

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