I Hate Everyone

Fuck off, Sunshine

Fuck off, Sunshine

Haha, but not you guys!  I mean, unless you choose not to read this post or leave comments; then I hate you.  It’s nothing personal.  I hate pretty much everyone a large portion of the time. That is why this is one of my favorite songs.  It’s sort of like the anti-Barney song.  Here’s a clip on youtube.  Someone went to the trouble of slapping some lyrics on the screen while it plays.  I hate that person.  Probably.

But that’s not all.  Since I didn’t bother to think up a real post, (this is always a promising beginning to a post isn’t it?) here are people I hate.

That guy in the drive-through at McDonald’s that cut in line.  Fuck you, stupid car.  Wait your turn.  Didn’t you go to freaking kindergarten?  That IS where you’re supposed to fucking learn everything.  I hope someone beats the crap out of you on the playground today.

I hate you too, Ronald.  Stupid clown.

I hate you too, Ronald. Stupid clown.

Patrons.  I mean, wtf, they want me to serve them?  Get away from my books.

People who call with the wrong number but then ask if my number is really 555-5555 and I’m like yes, come to think of it, that person is here after all.  Let me go get him and have him hang up on you.

Adults who freak out over cuss words.  Fuck off, Mary Poppins.  These are awesome words.  Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuckballs.

Stephenie Meyer.  E.L. James.  Whoever copies E.L. James.  Whoever copies that person.

Kirsten Stewart – just fucking say your lines, will you?  I know it’s a stupid movie, but you’re getting paid millions.  Stuttering was only charming on JIMMY Stewart.

L-li-line.  What's . . . my line?

L-li-line. What’s . . . my line?

People who think they are parenting experts.  I hope your kid writes a tell-all book about how much you suck.  This would make me very happy.

The Religious Right.  Shut up.  And stop denying people rights.  If Miss Four Eyes wants to marry a depressed pony and a manic squirrel then she can!  Is this not a free country?

Patrons again.  If we don’t have a magazine in, we don’t have it.  We aren’t hiding it.  We librarians cannot magically pull periodicals out of our asses.  If we could, we would make better money.

Children.  Always asking for food and water and attention.  Get a job you little brats.

Get to work.  Formula ain't gonna buy itself.

Formula ain’t gonna buy itself.

People who think filtering computers is a good idea.  I can’t get into perfectly reasonable sites, but I can get into my own blog.  This means your filter isn’t working, douchebag.

The publish button.  Just – push – it.  Push it.  Do it.  Go on.

People like me, who are given awesome ideas for posts, (Satanic Yoga!) but just come up with this crap.

So there you go.  My favorite lines from that song?  Right here:

I bet you think I’m kidding

But I promise you it’s true

I hate most everybody

But most of all, I hate, oh I hate yo-uuu.

Do YOU hate anyone, boys and girls? Please say so in the comments below!

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113 responses

  1. There’s much to hate in the world.
    For example the beer rucks that pass by every hour while I’m studying for my finals, and especially today I’m not allowed to drink.
    O, and that girl who thinks she’s pretty but who in fact is just easy and that’s it.

    1. I think I know that girl.

  2. And typos. *Beer Trucks.

    1. I thought it was maybe your Scooby-Doo impersonation.

    1. I like it. About the only calls I get are wrong numbers because my life is a hollow lie and I have no friends. But those are still annoying. I really like the one about putting your cell phone down – that was hilarious. I still play it and think about it when someone is on their phone.

      1. Oh by DJ Dave? That’s a GREAT one. I love when people call me by mistake and are angry with ME or if, god forbid, I call a wrong number and hang up before anyone answers b/c I’ve realized I made a mistake and I get a hostile call back asking why I called and then hung up. Fuck that – I hate caller ID for that reason.

        1. Yes. Once someone called and asked “Who is this?” and I’m like you’re the one that called me, asshat. The most popular ones at work are the ones who call and start trying to pay their tuitiion bills. I’m like, this is Special Collections as in archives, not collections as in I take money. Unless you just want to give it to me. And then it turns out they’ve been transferred by another department on campus – the same one, every time, who can’t figure out that a number in the library is probably not a number having to do with bill payment.

          1. Please share all your collections with me 🙂 We used to have a phone number that was one number off of a pizza place and an OBGYN – and we had a completely CRAZY message on our phone – that despite hearing people would STILL try to make an appointment or order pizza…

          2. Once I took down a number for a former evil boss and either I accidentally transposed a number or she did and she got a porn line. That was one of the best days EVER.

          3. it’s the little things that count

  3. I hate you for hating so much because I fall in love with angry hateful women easily, but I’m married so I can’t fall in love with any more angry hateful women, especially librarians who can’t pull magazines out of their asses.

    1. Well, I did pull a post out of my ass, so there’s that.

  4. I hate Tom Cruise and possibly my neighbor who lets her dog bark for hours at a time. I mean, shut the fuck up!! Is it so hard to go outside and tell your dog to hush? No. I tell my dog this all day long!! Rude people suck ass.

    Your awesome though!! Fuckballs!

    1. I hate Tom Cruise too. He needs to shut up and just look pretty. I don’t want to know about your Thetan count. Shut up.

      We have a Great Dane next door. It barks and the house friggin’ shakes.

      1. I love dogs, don’t get me wrong. I think people should have to take an idiot test before they have pets and kids.

        1. That’s true – except if we passed a lot of us wouldn’t have kids.

          1. Now that you mention it…

  5. I hate the idiot that just commented on my latest post. I approved it anyway though. lol

    1. Oh, which one? You do get some of the biggest morons which is strange because I’m the one who writes on 50 Shades.

      1. The Arbourist… check it. lol

        1. Lol, because pro-choice and pro-life have certain standards and you have to fit fully in one category or the other cause that’s how it’s done. Get in yer box.

          1. I am in my box! lol I didn’t get what she meant, I even googled it. What is a full bodily autonomy? Shouldn’t that be full body? I am so confused.

          2. I would think so. I usually only see bodily with waste.

          3. Eww.

          4. Never mind, I get it now. Wow. Can I hate me now too for being such an airhead at the moment? 😀

  6. I hate . . . people with no manners, people who don’t close doors behind them, people who don’t look behind them before they let the door slam in your face, stupid people, Rafa Nadal, stupid people, people who constantly whinge about the weather and how crap it summer is even though it is only JUNE!, people who drop litter and did I mention stupid people?

    1. I had to look up Rafa Nadal. He looks like a jerk. Stupid people are everywhere. You might be sitting next to one RIGHT NOW.

      1. I meet stupid people on an almost daily basis. And Rafa Nadal is a jerk. He constantly pulls his underwear out of his arse before he serves and at the French Open it had escalated to him grabbing his testicles. Very unpleasant to watch. Someone needs to buy him some new underwear. You’d think he could afford to buy some himself . . .

    2. I love it. Stupid people are number one on my list of hates and 2nd are the people who are appalled that I hate stupid people. Mind your own fucking business.

      1. Anyone who thinks it’s bad to hate stupid people is probably also stupid and yes, should mind his own stupid business.

  7. I hate narcissists!! If I could just get them all in a small room and let them take care of each other, life would be soooo good!

    1. Narcissists think other people exist only to serve them, so being forced to be with other people who think the same thing would be the worst punishment ever. I had a boss like that. See evil boss mention up above. I forgot to add her in. I might need another list.

  8. “These are awesome words. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuckballs.” That is pretty much my sentiments exactly.

    1. Fuck is so versatile. I love the youtube video where it talks about how it can be used as every part of speech.

      1. Fuck is fucking fantastic. In fact, fucking is fucking fantastic. Do you have a fucking problem with that?

          1. I took this as an inspiration to try and overload my post today with the word fuck:
            http://erickeys.wordpress.com/2013/06/13/lthm-template-2/

  9. people who slam on their brakes and then go 10 miles under the speed limit because that’s how “fast” the cop that just got on the freeway is going.
    people who don’t use their turn signals.
    people walking in cross walks that take their sweet time crossing a street.
    people who still talk directly on their cellphones while driving instead of using a hands free device.
    people who have road rage… and yes, I know that everything I listed that I hate here is related to being in the car and so this comment definitely applies to me too. It’s a problem. I’m not seeking help for it.

    1. Driving sucks because other drivers suck so much you’re busy cursing at them and then don’t notice your own bad driving. I hate that. I’m always saying “Oh, gee, I’m sorry – you were too busy talking on the phone to notice that whole lane change thing.” Idiots.

  10. No, I don’t hate anybody. I LOVE you!!! My child has been calling me “Bad Mommy” ever since we got on break. Okay, I hate people who cut in line. I hate that, too. I hate people who get 8 hours of sleep every night. No fair!!

    1. I LOVE you too – it’s those other people I hate. Don’t tell them. Bad Mommy? Haha. This morning I had Thing Two wailing over not being able to find shoes. I made her wear flip flops because she should be able to find her shoes even though I routinely lose my glasses. I am Bad Mommy too.

  11. You nailed the Kristen Stewart thing on the head, by far one of the worst actresses EVER. I don’t hate many people, however; I hate people who stick their noses in issues that don’t concern them, those that assume something is written to be a slap in the face to them when it’s not, those that pick fights over fucking nothing because they need the drama.

    1. Yeah, what’s sad is even Kirsten and Robert thought the movie was stupid, and they don’t sound like the brightest lights on the porch. They definitely are not good actors. Granted, you can only go so far with those scripts, but I swear they spend most of the movie looking constipated.

      The second part you mentioned is a big reason I left Facebook. Pointless drama.

  12. I hate all that stuff that you hate and I do love cuss words. What’s wrong? It’s just a WORD people. Sticks and freaking STONES bitches! Also I hate clowns, bad writing, traffic, idiots, morons, walmarts that go up right next to the other super walmart, or when people cut down trees for stupid subdivisions with houses that all look the same. Also my husband used to yell at our cat…he’d say, “Rusty GET A JOB!!!” And Rusty would refuse to get a job because he’s super lazy and just wanted us to like…take care of him all the freaking time. Freeloader! He never brought anything to the relationship. Just occasional petting that ended with stitches.

    1. Yes, I hate the wordy durd police. My kids are bad enough with all the Sunday School shit like that’s what Jesus went around preaching. According to their Sunday School teacher, heck is as bad as hell, so you should just say the real words because both are a ticket to Hades. At least they are kids – it’s the adults (like the teacher) that make me want to cram some “fiddlesticks” down their throats.

      I used to not curse so much. Then I got older and was around more humans.

      1. Well shit..if you’re gonna sin you’d better go all in, all or nothing baby! I agree…I also don’t think word choices like the big bad F-bomb are going to get anyone in any deep trouble with the universe or god or mother nature or whatever people believe in. Does an all supreme being really care or have the time to care that much about what words we use to describe things? To me, all words are created equal. Some have a nicer em-pha-sis, like swears. I like to em-ph-size things! So sue me!

  13. Alice,
    You and me hate pretty much the same things, except by the library things because I don’t experience them, but I hate them for you.
    Like Merbear I also hate Tom Cruise, but I would like to add Keanu Reeves too.
    In a greater way of hatred, I hate the Palins, the Bachmans, well, basically all tea party and bible crazies and most republicans for that matter.
    Cuss words are underrated.

    1. Ohh I also hate that I don’t see my typos until a few days later, the embarrassment is too big for me to face it.

      1. Your typos can join my typos and various grammatical errors for a wild punctuation orgy.

    2. Keanu Reeves is a good choice. He always looks like he’s thinking “Duhhhhh” which was fine for Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, but not so much for anything else. I can’t believe I left the Palins and fellow teabaggers off – I guess you could shove them in with Religious Right but they honestly need their own category.

  14. I hate a lot of fucking shit. So much so that I can’t think of a specific example right now.

    1. I get you. Fuck thinking.

      1. Fuck thinking indeed.

  15. I hate hate. Hate is, well, hateful. Is it hateful to hate hate? I hate not knowing the answer to that. Hate it.

    1. I hate when people call you a “hater”. Don’t be a hater. Yeah, that just makes me want to be a hater even more. And it’s usually the people who are the hatiest that say it too. Hatiest is now a word, yes. I also hate hate speech that comes from supposed love speech from religious texts.

  16. I hate everyone, too. Especially people in front of me delaying whatever it is I’m trying to do.

    1. Exactly. Don’t they know we’re more important?

  17. Whee hate the vet peoples, the magpies who laugh at us when whee are in the garden, Mummy when she gives us water torture (baths), the angry dog next door who barks aaaaaaaaaaall day, the depressed dog the other side who howls aaaaaaaaaaaaaall day and most of all the shops when they run out of the veggies whee like. How dare they tell our hoomans they can’t give us spinach because it’s not in season?! Whee demand, like your magazines, they are magically pulled out of their asses!

    Nibbles, Nutty, Buddy & Basil
    xxxx

    ps. love the song!

    1. I suggest you guys mount a massive guinea pig campaign against all grocery stores. I can see it now – hoards of guinea pigs with tiny signs squealing in demand of spinach. If I had some, I would gladly give you mine. Peace out, little guys.

      Alice

  18. Thank you for that song. I love it! It is absolutely perfect. I love that song more than rainbows, and sparkly ponies, and kicking through puddles with a gentle rain falling in the springtime…
    Oh.
    I mean I hate that song. It sucks.

    1. Right! We can’t be too positive here. Do you hate pina coladas? And getting caught in the rain? Do you hate that song too, cause I freaking do.

      1. As a matter of fact, I truly DO hate THAT song. But I really LOVE the I Hate Everyone song you presented, just in a really, really grumpy, depressed way.

  19. I hate the person who was waiting for my parking space today and made it so I couldn’t pull out and then started WAVING ME OUT LIKE HE WAS AN AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER. A., BACK THE FUCK UP SO I CAN PULL OUT, then we wouldn’t have to use hand gestures, you douchekabob, and B., THERE WERE THREE EMPTY SPOTS ALL AROUND ME. Why was mine coveted? Did he want to park there and breathe in the air where I’d just been? I don’t understand. DO. NOT. UNDERSTAND.

    I also hate work meetings that happen too frequently and for no reason, long lines at the post office when people invade your personal space, and people who wear hats that are too small for their heads.

    I really like that song, though, and I’m going to download it and listen to it frequently. And possibly play it at bad drivers when they piss me off.

    1. Oh, crap, I’ve had that happen. Or the guy honking at you to go when clearly you can’t because there’s another asshole stopped in front of you so his car can smell the fucking roses or something so no you cannot move through the car just yet. What a douchecanoe. Yes, that’s a word you stupid grammar corrector. Stop it with those squiggly red lines. I hate you squiggly red lines.

  20. To quote Julia Stiles: Wthat I hate most, is how I don’t hate you at all! *Sobs and runs the door*

    1. Ha. Yes. I hate it when I can’t hate people enough. Those rare happy times where I’m like wtf is this? I can’t write about fucking happy!

  21. Haha! This was fun! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

    1. I love saying that word! Especially when people say I can’t. Then I love it EVEN MORE. If they told me I couldn’t say the word cabbage anymore because cabbage was a bad word, I would say it every other word. That’s the kind of rebel I am.

  22. I try not to hate but there’s this one person that I secretly wish will fail every time I see him doing something, especially playing sports, because he’s a bully, he’s cocky, he’s rude, and he thinks everything should come his way. He’s 11. Is this wrong?

    1. Haha, no. Children are obnoxious little creatures. I happen to love mine because I invested a good 20 months in making them, but sometimes you really want to twist their little heads off.

  23. Don’t you just hate those arrogant asshats who suggest all those (admittedly awesome) ideas for your posts, as if THEY have any idea what YOU want to write about on YOUR blog???

    1. Haha! Actually I DID write that post. It was too awesome and horrible to resist. Should put it up on Friday. I should have added that asshat to the list. Whacked out morons who are still elected to office and the people who vote for them.

      1. I’m looking forward to it. And since you wrote it, you no longer have to hate the people who can’t write posts about Satanic yoga.

  24. I am totally with you on most of those.

    1. I hesitated posting this post but it seems to resonate with people. Hating stupid stuff is so universal.

  25. Don’t even get me started on wrong-number callers. I used to have a phone number at work that was similar to a number that people could call to make appointments at a dental school. People WOULD NOT BELIEVE ME when I told them they had the wrong number. They couldn’t possibly have dialed wrong — the only possible explanation was that I was a really lazy dental school receptionist lying in order to shirk my responsibilities.

    1. One comedian joked about annoying wrong numbers saying “George? Oh, yeah, George died.” and when the person says “Oh dear what can I do?” he says “Well I could use a pizza.”

      1. These were mostly people trying to make appointments, and I was often tempted to just say “okay, come in Tuesday at 8:30”. But I’m not quite that evil.

  26. Tele-marketers who phone just when you have put your dinner on the table. Door to door saleman. Junk mail (not a person but a thing sure it still counts). Idiots who continue to drive 20km below the speed limit in the wrong lane. Idiots who don’t know how to drive. People who keep me waiting. Doctors who keep me waiting. My list is endless I am ceasing now.

    1. Oh, salesmen. You don’t see many of those these days but once my husband actually let him in and we spent forever learning about windows. It was fascinating. I never let him do that again.

      Doctors suck. They send you junk mail. They say it’s their bill, but really it’s junk.

  27. Oh I do love Get Set Go – great song. And I love this post. I could totally do a post about all the things (and people) I hate.

  28. I hate women who scream and panic in films when something bad happens. Just… shuttup! Kick the alien/bad man in the face and run away! Fucksake. Jx

    1. Yes! Or when a hero leaps in front of the girl and takes a bullet or something. Just push her out of the freaking way, jeez.

  29. Alice, we are SOUL SISTAS! I hate everyone too!
    People who can’t figure out Google. They don’t deserve the internet!
    The people that write the entertainment section of the newspaper. No, I don’t care that Taylor Swift wanted to be a detective when she was a kid!
    People who stop their car in the middle of the road without any signals.
    People who drive too fast to see me flipping them off.

    I lurve you. Giant bear hugs for this post

    1. Yes, I love that Taylor has a biography already. She’s what 17?

      I think I’m going to write to my congressman (whoever the hell he is) about making marriage to imaginary animals legal. We can make a CHANGE, sistah.

      1. We’re going to change the WORLD!

        1. I just started Sad Pony a facebook page but they didn’t think that was a real name (killjoys) so I named him Sadd Poneh and that worked. Yes I am a mature adult.

          1. Did you really? I’m going to look for him. 🙂
            Sadd Poneh, I’m coming for you!

  30. Anything modern gets my vote, except WordPress for the obvious reason. It’s all dumbed down crap and thick people walking about listening to their walkmans and it just makes me sick.

    1. I agree. Everyone is plugged into some sort of electronic device all hours of the day. I can’t talk too much as I do sit at my computer too much, but I can refrain from having a smart phone I dial into 5,000 times a day whether other humans are there or not. I listen to an mp3 player when I exercise, but not when I drive or go somewhere public. It’s like people all think they live in their own private bubble except guess what we can see you asshats.

      Just realized you were one of my very first followers that was not a spambot or creeper. Congrats!

      1. Yay me! I read your other comments, because that’s what I do, rummage around in your under blog thingies. Perhaps Sadd Poneh will be less sad and more irritable now I am there to bug.

        If everyone ran there crappy bits of tech off of double A batteries, then they’s soon knock it on the head….ah! The good old days.

  31. I’m sick to death of the whole redefining marriage thing. If they just made civil partnerships equal (ie could be homo and hetero couples), then give it a few years, the word “marriage” would just quietly have changed its meaning all by itself, rather like the way the word “gay” has, well, not-so-quietly changed its meaning. But, no, there has to be a huge big fight about the whole thing with the pro and the anti peoples all getting up in arms and telling each other that they’re wrong and bigoted and/or depraved, while the rest of the world wishes that they’d all shut up about it already, so we can all quietly live our lives as straight, gay, bi, necrophilliac or whatever.

    Actually, that’s something that they should look into. What about all those people out there who want to marry their pets? And all those who want to marry a corpse? I mean, if they’re going to make it equal, then it should surely be equal for all. Plus, there was that woman in Germany who married the Berlin Wall – and subsequently cheated on it with a fence…

    1. Yeah, I don’t understand why people care about what other people do. I mean as long as said people aren’t infringing upon your rights while doing so. For instance, I think people should smoke all they want to, but I do not want them smoking in front of me because I have lung problems already. That sort of thing. I mean, sheesh, heterosexuals are miserable in marriage, doesn’t misery love company? What’s the deal?

      1. I think it comes down to a feeling of privilege and rights. I don’t care what people do, but some stick-in-the-muds have got bees in their bonnets. It’s like the whole women bishops thing here in the UK.

        Dear the Church of England, get over it already, because if you don’t, the government will just tell you to get over it.

        Dear all those who think the Church of England should be dis-established: Sure, fine. Go ahead. We’ll take all our Bank (public) Holidays with us. So no long weekend at Easter. No Christmas Day and Boxing day holidays. No end-of-May Bank Holiday (because that was Whitsun/Pentecost). And if you’re dis-establishing us, then any other Bank Holiday relating to a religion should go, which means bye-bye to May Day (Pagan/Wiccan in origin) and New Year’s Day (also Pagan/Wiccan in origin). Which leaves, oh, yes, one Bank Holiday at the end of August, which I’m guessing is also likely to be Pagan/Wiccan and to do with thanksgiving because the Harvest is finished, so you may not even have that. And no, you can’t have the days of the patron saints of the UK as Public holidays, because you’ve just dis-established the Church.

        Dear the UK Government, get on and pass the law to equalise marriage, and for goodness’ sake, don’t make it illegal for clergy to perform a marriage for a homosexual couple, because that’s just hypocritical. If we didn’t have gay clergy, we’d likely only have two thirds of the clergy we do have.*

        *This is just a guess on my part

        I sometimes think maybe I should run for government…

        1. You would be a definite improvement over devil yoga politician guy.

          1. I suspect Winnie-the-Pooh would be an improvement over the devil yoga politician guy…

  32. I cried so much when I found out that you hated me. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from this. It will especially make my job of Walmart greeter extremely difficult.

    1. I hate Wal-Mart greeters.

      1. Fuck you for coming to Walmart! Have a nice day! Slip in a puddle and break your tailbone!

        1. How do you get to be a Wal Mart greeter? Do you have to suck badly at every other Wal Mart job?

          1. Your jealousy is so transparent

  33. This is possibly one of my favourite posts I have ever read from ANYONE. And that song is genius. I agree with everyone. People are, on the whole, awful. Apart from you. And me. But I do hate you a little bit. I don’t really. How could I? Well maybe I do. Christ, I don’t even know who I am anymore. STOP CONFUSING ME. I hate you.

    1. I hate stickman and yet I LOVE him. Even with that stick figure and the smoking habit. Sigh. I’m not sure who I am either – I’ve been stuck in Wonderland too long. Some say I’m crazy but I’M NOT. I hate those people.

  34. Just so I don’t get to carried away with hate today. I love your posts. They are the highlight of my day when I have to deal with so many other things that I Hate.

    1. Thanks! I’m glad my hate of random things can inspire people.

    1. What a truly inspirational song. We should write self help books or something.

      1. To hell with that. That sounds like an awful lot of work. I’ll just sell them DVDs of that video and say copy your life after that song.

        1. Yeah, and put it with a book that says “Don’t be a loser” on the cover and when they open it, the books says “You bought this? Don’t do that again, loser.”

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