Flaming Turkey Wings!

So Black Friday is over.  Oh yeah, and that other day too, the one with all the food.  We had our Thanksgiving dinner, just my family and my parents.  Oh, and our dining coordinator, Thing Two.  Every event is a massive event with my nine-year-old daughter, no matter the holiday or the number of people involved.  Sometimes it’s not even people, but a stuffed dog, a Barbie modeling Kleenex, or Darth Vadar.

She set the table for us with paper cups and plates festooned with cute turkeys.  I’ve never figured out why they make the turkeys cute.  I mean, they are seriously ugly birds, which makes eating them easier.  So why cuten them up?  That’s just cruel.  Anyway, she set the table with paper (we are seriously classy here) and marked our names on all the tiny cups.  Because with six people, it’s possible we could get mixed up.  Actually, considering my family, that’s not such a bad idea.  She added “Papa the Awesome” to my father’s cup.  He tends to spoil her with lots of stuff.  She’s no dummy.  To finish it off, she placed Sonic mints at each of our plates.  Sadly, she still did not receive a tip, but she made up for that in rolls.  I’m not sure how many she had when my back was turned.  It might have been ten.

See, I'm cute!  Don't eat meeee.

See, I’m cute! Don’t eat meeee.

Thing Two also made menus for us – with a line drawn across to indicate whether each food on the menu was awesome or not.  And she fixed up the Happy Thanksgiving message on the banner.  She marked out “happy” and replaced it with “merry” on the theory that if people think it’s Christmas at first, they might be tricked into recognizing Thanksgiving.  We’re pretty sure she’s either going to be a teacher or a politician.

None of the stores thought of this trick, so most people went with the theory that Thanksgiving was just that quick meal you shove down before shopping.  As George W. Bush would say, “Ask not what your country can do for you, go shopping.”  I actually did brave Wal-Mart a couple of hours after the Thanksgiving specials started, mostly because my husband and kids were watching “Pumpkin Chunkin’” which is a show where grown people create trebuchets just like in medieval times, only they’re hurling pumpkins instead of fire bombs or rotting corpses.  But sometimes they just use good old American guns.  As enlightening as that sounds, I decided shopping was actually better.

Yes, those are grown men shooting a pumpkin out of an air gun.   (Photo by David S. Holloway/Getty Images)

Yes, those are grown men shooting a pumpkin out of an air gun.  God bless America.
(Photo by David S. Holloway/Getty Images)

By the time I got there, most of the hordes had already dispersed, though there were still plenty of people milling about mooing at the merchandise.  It was like if they blocked my way and stared at a box of toys long enough, whatever they were looking for would suddenly jump out and land in their arms.  If they were looking for anything at all.  It was hard to tell.  With the depressing, hypnotizing Christmas tunes in the background (“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas” – I hate that song) I started to forget what I was looking for pretty soon, and after a while found myself mooing along with the others, picking up cheap pajamas, only to randomly drop them off somewhere else because I didn’t have the money and knew nobody that size.  I’m sure the Wal-Mart employees were grateful for that little Easter egg hunt I left them.  Just trying to keep you guys sharp.  You’re welcome, retail employees.  Please don’t egg my house.  Moo.

I paid for my items, which somehow totaled up to a large number, even though they were, hello, on sale.  I tried to figure this out with what was left of my brain, gave up, and went home.  My husband thinks I spend too much on my children.  That’s not true.  I spend too much on myself.  It just so happens I let them play with the toys.

I really only put this picture here to point out how bizarre it is.

I really only put this picture here to point out how bizarre it is.

The next day, there were leftovers at my parents’ house.  One could say I invited myself over, just in case they were left with too much food.  I’d hate for them to resort to the “flaming turkey wings” recipe in the days to come.  No, I didn’t cook myself.  If I had, our Thanksgiving dinner would have consisted of chicken nuggets and mac n’ cheese.  This would have been fine with Thing One who eats roughly nine different food items, but not most people.  If the time comes for me to host a dinner, we’re getting a pre-cooked turkey.  I think that is safest.

So now it’s all over – except wait, it’s Cyber Monday.  What  am I doing writing a blog post?  I must stare at merchandise on the computer screen now!  Hope your Thanksgiving was all that.  Tell me about it in the comments, if you’re not busy staring at amazon.com.

41 responses

  1. I forgot about Pumpkin Chunkin this year! Oh well.

    We saw a movie and had sub sandwiches for Thanksgiving, which probably sounds bad to some but it was really fun and the least stressful Thanksgiving we have had in years.

    1. That actually sounds pretty great. My family didn’t fight each other for once, which meant I had a meltdown over frozen green beans. Don’t even ask.

      1. You win Thanksgiving.

  2. Sounds like you had a great time. Can’t believe you braved the shopping. Good on you!

    Our Thanksgiving was muted since my husband had to work. We’ll make up for it at Christmas. 🙂

    1. Yuck. Sorry he had to work. At least most places give off for Christmas – I think it’s the only day all year Wal-Mart closes.

      1. I’ve worked so many holidays in my life that it’s just second nature. In fact, it’s been a treat to not have to work them for a change. Even when I worked in a cinema back in high school I was slogging it out on Thanksgiving and Christmas. But I didn’t care. It was a great job, and I got paid extra for holidays. And I got to see free movies after hours. Very cool.

        1. I’ve noticed the movie theaters are absolutely packed right after Thanksgiving. Get me awayyyy! Haha.

  3. I did my Black Thursday shopping online so I guess that means I should be in a store for Cyber Monday.

    1. That would make sense. You could always check out the carnage.

      1. Black Friday – The Aftermath.

  4. I tried to take a nap during Pumpkin Chunkin. Not so easy a task when the children AND the husband think you care how far the pumpkin was chunked.

    1. No kidding. At least my husband isn’t out building one. The cars are enough!

    1. We’re number one in chunking pumpkins!

  5. We had a lot of food on thanksgiving and we were the losers of black friday shopping, so I think was a common weekend with yin&yang :o)

    1. Not even any cute puppy toys? I noticed that Target actually has three full aisles devoted to doggy needs. Of course some of this is dog clothes, which most dogs would run away from. Can’t say I blame them.

  6. I spent Thanksgiving at work since I’m English and we don’t have Thanksgiving. I did love seeing all the posts coming in from you guys about how you all had the day off. It made my workday just fly past 😦

    1. You totally need to get you a British Thanksgiving. You can make it the same day as our Independence Day!

  7. How the hell did I not know that Pumpkin Chunkin was a thing? I feel that someone should have alerted me to this long before now!

  8. I’m amazed you gave up Pumpkin Chunkin for Walmart. I would rather a pumpkin was chunkined at my head than show up anywhere near there on Black Friday. You are braver than me.

    1. Well, this was after a half dozen shows about storage buildings and picking and cars, cars, cars!

  9. Yay! Black Friday! Cyber Monday! Except I can’t think of a single thing that I need to buy… I guess I’ll remember once the sales end.

    1. It’s not about needs now, it’s wants. Do it for your country!!!

      1. Incidentally, I just wrote a post on The Official How To Blog on doing the Black Friday shopping for your country. Yet the country still hasn’t told me what I’m supposed to buy.

        1. Oooh I must check it out. Answer: Buy everything! Especially if it has flags all over it!

          1. Oh! American flags! But wait, they are all made in China now…

          2. Shhhhh, don’t tell the Republicansss! I couldn’t find your Black Friday post – did I already comment on it? My memory is swiss cheese.

          3. How did I miss this? Awesome.

          4. Thank you. It was posted on Thanksgiving, when most people had things to do (like getting a spot in a line at Walmart)

  10. Sounds like a fun holiday, especially with Thing 2 coordinating. I missed the Cyber Monday deals I wanted. They were out of stuff. I had no idea they ran out of stuff. I’m pathetic, I know. I’m just focused enough yet! Happy shopping! Good luck.

    1. I forgot to add that she made us sign in at the kitchen door. And yeah, I think oh I’ll come back later and BAM is gone.

  11. Please stop leaving bras in my department!

    No, seriously, I can not believe the number of bras I find dumped along the household cleaning aisles. It’s like ladies come through all the time and think, “Well, I can either have Fabulosoly clean floors or replace that worn out 18 hour bra I’ve been wearing for ten years. I only have enough to buy one or the other. Yep, better go for the clean floors…” Dump!

    1. I’m not sure which of those items I hate buying more. At least you’re not finding hamburger meat in the clothing – please say you’re not.

      1. Well… not in the clothing. We did find an empty package of ground beef once stashed behind the dog food bags. I don’t want to know how that thief stowed off his stolen goods….

        1. Hey, what’s that in your pants? Ewwwww.

          1. I do hope he at least washed his hands before preparing it…..

          2. Maybe he stole some hand cleaner and drained it into his travel mug.

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