Santa Kicker!

Santa sucks.  We all know this.  I mean, I’ve been talking about it for how many posts?  Still not even close to the number of 50 Shades posts?  Eh.  Anyway, I’ve been shopping for gifts and thinking of those poor parents who are still playing the Santa game and how this Santa freak is taking all the credit.  Adults are getting rightly tired of this crap.  Well adults with the exception of Megyn, Fox News anchor, who still believes in Santa, white Santa, because she’s not too bright.  That also explains why she can’t spell her name correctly.  But most adults do not believe in Santa, and are ready to kick the jolly fat jerk.

Wait, what?

Santa is totes real . . . and white.  Where am I?

Wait, did someone say kick?  Guess what?  You’re in luck!   There is a game that the Things introduced to me – it’s totally educational.  No, really.  It’s from a Math site, so you can learn Math stuphs while having a reindeer kick Santa toward a chimney.  You know the reindeer have totally been waiting for this chance for centuries.  As the game goes on, the challenges get greater.  Sometimes you have fans blowing Santa into fire and stuph.  Or he gets impaled, bloodless of course, on spikes.  Because it’s a kid’s game.

Watch out for those spikes, Santa, oh nooooos!

Watch out for those spikes, Santa, oh nooooos!

Other times he just smashes into walls, and flops down.  It’s like his body is made out of stuffing.  Like toy Santas.  At – at least I think they’re toy Santas.  We’re gonna go with toys, not dead bodies of the multiple Santa clones seen in malls the world over.

The bodies are piling up . . .

The bodies are piling up . . .

It’s such a popular game that they have come out with Santa Kicker I, II, and III!  I love it when people makes stuff so I don’t have to!  Also so I don’t look like the only disturbed individual!  Anyway, the best part of this game is that it is free and on the internetz so you can play it anytime!  Except work of course!  You wouldn’t do that, would you?  Of course you would.  Go check it out.

That will teach you to give Rudolf crap, Santa.

That will teach you to give Rudolf crap, Santa.

32 responses

  1. This is great so I can take out my pent up aggression from all the toys I didn’t get when I was a child. What’s the point in making a fucking list if he ignores it!

    1. Santa had it comin’, that’s for sure. These days kids don’t have to make a list, though. Toys R Us helpfully has a catalog where they can check off what they want and Thing Two checked off half the catalog. Yay.

      1. My dad used to give us a Sears catalog…and then rarely got us anything that we circled in it.

        1. Here, son, have a globe! Hahahahaha.

          1. My mom once got a hat and glove set and the hat had strange hairs in it.


    1. Isn’t it? It’d disturbingly fun.

  3. Yeah who spells Megan with a y? Looks like it should be pronounced May-jin. By the by, that game looks pretty sweet, if I played games. 😉

    1. Yeah I prefer to pronounce Megyn as Moron. I think it fits. I bet you’re a closet Santa Kicker player.

  4. Cool! Thanks Easter Bunny!

    1. Did you know the Easter Bunny is also Holiday Paul? It’s true.

      1. Knew it.

  5. Ha, I will play that game! My mom can learn some math stuff and I have fun! Thanks !

    1. Yes! It’s totally all about math! If I’d had math problems like this in school, I would have liked math a whole lot more.

  6. Oh jeez, you KNOW I’m gonna have to show that to my sons!

    1. Considering what they did to the elf on the shelf, they might have ideas for improvements!

  7. My nieces and nephews are gonna love this, totes. Even the ones who still believe.

    1. It is really way too much fun.

  8. Poor Santa. I know you hate him, but I just can’t bring myself to dislike the guy.

    1. Well, you know I’m still gonna take presents from him. If you want to know reasons behind my dislike, you’ll have to read the letter writing campaign I had with him last year. There was blackmail and kidnapping involved.

    1. It is pretty sweet, isn’t it? Sometimes I miss the chimney on purpose.

      1. You mean you’re actually supposed to try and get him into the chimney? Oops.


        1. It’s much more entertaining to miss.

  9. Kicking, blowing Santa into fire? I have to play this NOW!

  10. Kicking is too good for Santa. He should die a few Boppoesque deaths…..

  11. OK, so I’m late to the party but this still looks like fun!

    1. It is! Too bad it’s just a holiday game. Sadface.

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