Alicerella

I know I still have like a week of that gratitude stuff left (21 days is supposed to be how long it takes to form a habit, but I do several at once and skip weeks so I’m thinking it’s not going to have the proper effects) but I’d rather talk about Cinderella because I can.

Did you notice how awesome my dress was? Wheeee!

OMGORSH guys, I got to see a movie in the theater for the first time since the last Harry Potter movie came out and my husband had to see it on opening day for some reason so I needed to see this one on opening day because it wasn’t just Cinderella there was also a Frozen short before it that was going to be super cute and FROZEN so it was important to go on opening day.

The short was fun.  Elsa plans a party for Anna but she gets a cold and snorts out snow boogers all over the place.  No, really, that’s what happens.  When I first saw the picture for the short, I was afraid that the snowman had somehow reproduced and I was really, really scared, but snow boogers are not so bad.  I do have to wonder what would happen if Elsa had the stomach flu, or God forbid, Montezuma’s revenge.  Lots of dirty slush?  In other words, a typical day in New York?

WHOA, BOOGERS!

But that was just a short (that produced more dolls in new outfits surprise shocker!).  The main attraction was the live-action version of Cinderella.  I wasn’t sure what to expect, having not been that impressed with Maleficent for reasons I’ll tell you in another review.  I will say that Angelina Jolie makes a good evil fairy, but that’s not necessarily a compliment.  I would have preferred her in greenish skin. More authentic plus entertaining.

Cinderella surpassed my expectations, which were pretty low, but I figured the guy was cute and ooh pretty dresses plus Helena Bonham Carter playing a quirky fairy godmother which is very different from when she played the quirky insane Bellatrix from Harry Potter, though they both had similar wands.  Part me wanted her to just go completely insane and start transforming the entire place.  Like if she could make a lizard into a footman (whatever that is) then why not make Cinderella into a lizard?  Why?  Because lizards can’t wear dresses, stupid, and the dress is where it’s at.

Helena still has them crazy eyes!

But there’s stuff before all of that.  Like for instance you see her mother before she goes six feet under.  Yeah, really!  And her father too.  They are really great actors and it makes you all teary even if they did seem to be just a touch too whimsical and perfect before they were axed.  But then comes the evil stepmother, and may I say, I like her evil.  Also the stepsisters and their constant ripping out of each others’ hair.  They treat Ella (who one of the sisters nicknames Cinderella in a random fit of brilliance) like crap and they all cackle like freaks.  You might think this is unrealistic if you haven’t been around real awful people; but I can assure you, they are spot on.

Cinderella is sentenced to live in the attic, but it’s far away from them, so she’s actually pretty happy about it.  I love when people try to be nasty and it just makes the victim happier.  Like when my Evil Dead Alien Soul Boss had me go shelf read books for hours and I would just sit there and daydream while the others did all the real work.  As you can see, I identified a bit with poor Cinderella.  I’ve had to put up with crap.  I mean, my parents had me do chores, and I had an older brother who hung me from basketball goals (okay at my request but still who listens to a six-year-old?) and every little girl at least once pretends to be Cinderella if only to make people feel sorry for her and give her nice shoes.

Okay, which one of you stole my slippers?

The shoes are one of the better jokes (both Cindy and the prince are like wtf glass?) but as it turns out, they are really quite comfortable.  Must be those Dr. Scholl’s insoles.  Cindy be gellin’.  I hate to give it away (SPOILERS ZOMG) but she does get to go to the ball in this freaking awesome carriage that I totally want for my very own.  I would be stylin’ in the parking lot at work.  She also has this incredible dress and he looks pretty hot too (and there’s a personality in that hotness!) and it’s fun to watch them dance around although my husband decided he needed to get up for what was apparently a 45 minute bathroom break spent playing with the claw machines.  I can’t BELIEVE he got bored with this movie and was dumb enough to act on it.  He did win a tablet, but trust me men, it’s not worth it because I am not forgetting about this ANY TIME SOON.

I looked a bit like the doll from the movie at this point. Ticked. (I’m getting her anyway cause awesome clothes woot!)

Wait, I got off track a bit.   Let’s see, you might be wondering about the mice.  No, they don’t talk, thank goodness.  She does handle them an awful lot, which makes me think she’s a plague victim ready to happen, but it turns out okay. And oh yeah, the ball!  That was fun, and then there’s a great scene where Cinderella asks her stepmother “Why are you so cruel?”  And she answers “Because you’re so innocent, and good, and I’m . . .” Let’s fill in the blanks people!  Starts with b, rhymes with itch!  I kid, but this is the honest truth.  If someone bullies you, that’s usually why.  Because they are pathetic, wretched little people underneath all their glamour.

I’m going to chop you up and eat you because I LOVE YOU.

And that’s what strikes me most about this movie.  Unlike popular sentiment, this is not an anti-feminist movie.  She doesn’t need the prince to save her – his love is her reward for putting up with cruelty with hard work, dignity, and honor.  She does her chores but she does not stoop to their level.  And she doesn’t sit around the house because she is waiting for rescue.  It’s her bloody house, and she doesn’t want to lose it.  So she works hard, and she keeps the memories of her good times, something they can never take from her, inside.  Her mother, before her death, tells her to “Have courage.  And be kind.  There is magic in kindness.”  And so there is.