Alice Watches Game of Thrones

Okay, so I wrote a post mocking Game of Thrones already, but I hadn’t actually seen it because cheap.  But then I saw that they had season one at the library, so I figured it definitely beat doing the dishes, and I checked it out.  I watched the first episode last night.  I was going to give you a summary, but I thought it might be better if I put it to the tune of “The Brady Bunch.”  Here you go.

Everybody sing!

Everybody sing!

The Game of Thrones Bunch

It’s the story

of a man named Ned Stark

who was bringing up five kids and a bastard

All the sons they had dark hair

Like their father

Kinda hard to tell them apart.

 

It’s the story

of a king named Robert

Who was bringing up three kids who weren’t his own

That’s because his wife Cersei

banged her brother

It’s really kinda gross.

 

It’s the story

of a girl named Dany

whose brother was a really big creeper

he sold her to a barbarian

wearing makeup

like Johnny Depp on steroids

 

It’s the story

of a drawf named Tyrion

who is definitely the best character

He gets all of the best lines

and has a big peen

He likes to drink and whore

 

It’s the story

of a bunch of prostitutes

who love being nakey and gig-gi-ling

they have lots and lots of sex

and totes enjoy it

Cause prostitution’s fun!

 

It’s the story

of a bunch of zombies

who murder, maim and frolic in the woods

they are really kind of cool

but people tell me

they hardly ever show up

 

It’s the story

by a dude named Martin

that critics say is the next JR Tolkien

Tolkien’s stood the test of time

Unlike Martin

So that’s a bunch of crap.

 

And then one day when the king

he came to Lord Ned

And he asked him to be his right hand man

It’s a very risky job and most dudes die quick

And besides all that there is no dental plan

 

The Game of Thrones

The Game of Thrones

That’s how it goes so far

On the Game of Thrones

 

I know, that should totally replace the admittedly cool theme song they have right now.  And I’ll also admit, the first episode wasn’t bad.  It started with a zombie girl pinned to a tree and ended with another kid being pushed out a window, but who likes kids anyway?  They’re seriously annoying.  I’m told he kills off most of his characters, but at the moment I can’t say I’ll be all that sad if a larger percentage of them die, except the dwarf.  Then all bets are off.

Anyhoo, since I’m clearly going to keep watching this mess for a while, is there anyone who would like me to give it more coverage?  I mean, I need breaks of fictional asshattery in between the “real life” asshattery.  What do ya think?

 

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43 responses

  1. Well SINCE you are watching this now I guess I can’t tell you what I overheard yesterday……ok I will give you a hint, someone you mentioned in your G.O.T post got killed off (surprised right?) but I had to laugh this morning because they spent 30 minutes trying to figure out who would have done such a thing!

    1. Oh, yeah, I saw that – it’s all over the Internets. And you know, YAY and I haven’t seen anything but a glimpse of the smug so far.

      1. Loved your song to the g.o.t ….. kinda helped me know what my co-workers are talking about. HAHA.

  2. If you do any more recaps, please make them in the style of The Brady Bunch theme song. I understand this way better now, and this after reading the books and seeing the show.

    1. Either that or The Facts of Life. Maybe a new sitcom each week.

  3. Love it….big peen and likes to whore, the best line ever. Marcia would be proud.

    1. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. The show is always about Marcia!

      1. Remember when she broke her nose? Oh no, the dance! Charlie will never ask me now!

        1. Oooh if Marcia were on Game of Thrones it’d be all, hey, remember that time she was tortured by that creeper king guy and hung by her toes and then her hair got messed up? Talk about awful!

          1. Yikes…Davey Jones.

          2. Wasn’t he one of the Monkees?

          3. Yeah. Marcia totes had a thing for him. He was so wee.

  4. Well, what can I say, don’t get too attached to any characters. Dwarf should be ok, though, unless I missed something in a later book, or if Martin is still planning to kill him off later.

    1. He’d probably do it just to screw with fans. It seems to be how he gets his jollies. That and prostitutes.

      So far, so good. Not really attached to any of them. Most of them are total creepers. And everyone knows Sean Bean always dies.

      1. Does he play Kenny in South Park?

        1. Probably. You killed Sean Bean! You bastards!

  5. No dental plan? Dafuq??

    1. I know! It’s worse than the Death Star health care plan.

      1. Oh, I know!

  6. Yes! Do more recaps!

    1. Yay, a vote of confidence!

  7. Your song is AWESOME. The show is mostly shit, in my humble opinion, and I didn’t make it that far through the first book because it was just a little too icky and vague for me.

    1. Thanks! Oh, yeah, there is no way I’d make it through the book – then you get more detail and boring prose and it’s even worse, ugh. Better to just watch the pretty costumes and try to ignore the obviously fake heads that fall off randomly.

  8. I think you should do episode 2 using the Beverly Hillbillies theme…

    1. Boobs that is. Big boobs. Texas Titties.

      1. I thought they were Valeryian titties?

        1. Or Tamagochi Titties . . . wait, that’s not the name . . . there’s one last name on the show that starts with a T . . . eh, Tamagochi works.

          1. Oooh Targaryen, right, that was right on the tip of my tongue there . . .

          2. I figure tamagochi was close enough

          3. I like her name, but imagine trying to spell that in school. Good thing her brother didn’t bother to like, educate her or something stupid like that. He was too busy being Creeper McCreeperson.

          4. Somebody has to fill that role.

  9. Oh, my, yes! By all means continue with GoT. Haven’t seen it and your version is so entertaining. A new theme song each week would be awesome!

    1. Thank you. I’ll do my best. :)

  10. Tyrion the dwarf is definitely the best character. If you do lose interest and not stick it out I definitely recommend searching something like “the best of tyrion” on youtube, he has some awesome lines in season 3!

    xxxx

    1. He has awesome lines in this one! I just adore the actor too, I’ve seen him on a lot of stuff. It’s amazing how he is so much shorter than the others, yet looms so much larger in presence.

  11. Why did I wait til I came home to read my inbox? why?????

    1. You wanted to save the best insanity for last?

  12. HYSTERICAL !!!!!!! =) =)

    I always thought that was a movie… had no idea that it was a show with more than one season ! =) Love your synopsis, now I have to check it out because you made it sound so fun ! Thanks for the entertainment, Alice ! =)

    1. You’re welcome. I didn’t really get what it is until recently, and it’s on the 4th season now. Wow, though, fans are INTENSE. Look out!

      1. Haha, good to know ! =)

  13. If you recap it, I won’t have to watch it or read it. Excellent!

    1. I do it so you don’t have to! :) Also cause I have a complex!

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