How many ways to skin a Sim?

As promised, here is my post on The Sims.  This has been one of my favorite games for a while.  It’s been through 3 different transformations, all of them grossing millions.  It’s like people like playing God or something.  Go figure.

Sims 2 is my favorite.  I am not always cruel to my Sims.  Sometimes I let them have cute families.  If you want to talk about pixels having a mind of their own, these guys really do – or seem to anyway.  As long as you leave their free will on (Yeah, you can take that away too.  Or, uh, so I hear.) they will do all sorts of funny things all on their own.  They will hug, kiss, babies will try to eat their toys, and children will run and greet adults when they get home from work.  And everyone goes to work in a carpool.  Even the thieves.

But since I’m tying this post into the last one, where I talk about killing those cute Virtual Families, this post will address torturing Sims.  Since it might be hard to torture someone who looks so lifelike, I decided to create something most people wouldn’t mind kicking around.  That’s right, a clown.  I call him Boppo Sadface.

Meet Boppo

Meet Boppo

When you create a Sim, you can not only decide what they look like and how to dress them (in this case, horribly) you can also decide their personality.  You can either randomly select one of the astrological signs, or you can add the points yourself.  And you can choose an aspiration for your Sim.  Like whether he wants money, or family, or romance.  You’ll notice I gave Boppo no nice points, yet made him want lots of friends.  He’s also a very sloppy Sim, as evidenced by his lack of points in that area, and the fact that he is digging something out of his ear right now.  He did that all on his own.

Next up, Boppo needs company.  I figured no humans would volunteer to be with him, but why not a dog?  And what dog is undeniably annoying?  A poodle of course.  Boppo has a dog named Wee Wee (cause that’s what pet dogs do best).  You can give the pets personalities too.  Wee Wee is aggressive, sloppy, and dumb as a post.

Now that we’ve got those two taken care of, it’s time to find Boppo a home!  I tried to make it appropriate.

Do not attempt to adjust your screen - that's what it really looks like.

Do not attempt to adjust your screen – that’s what it really looks like.

Yes, his house looks like a psychedelic nightmare, complete with lawn gnomes, flamingos, ceramic (at least I think they are) rabbit heads, kitten heads, bears, and chickens filling his front lawn.  I circled a few things to bring them to your attention.  First off, see that thing to the left circled in pink?  That’s a supposed “marshmallow roaster”, yet is much closer to a circular flame thrower.  You might guess where I’m going with this one.

The green circle to the far right is the stupid, violent poodle Wee Wee.  In the middle is a yellow circle around the hamster cage.  One of my readers informed me that her Sim died from the bite of one of these squeaky critters.  So I had to buy one for Boppo.  His name is Help Meeee.  Ironically, both the hamster and the clown are on my little wheel of death.  Bwahahahahahaha . . . moving on.

Death one:  Clown on fire!

For this one, you can use any old stove or fireplace, but for ultimate efficiency, I prefer the marshmallow roaster.   Just move it into his room, remove the door, and watch the show.  Make sure there’s no fire alarm to call the fire fighters or something crazy like that.  Observe:

Never smoke in bed, guys.

Never smoke in bed, guys.

In case you were wondering, yeah that’s a rack of bowling balls on fire in the corner of his room.  It’s only a matter of time now.  Don’t worry, I had Wee Wee leave the room.  I’m not cruel or nothin’.

When your butt lights up, you're in trouble.

When your butt lights up, you’re in trouble.

It’s horrible, and yet fascinating to watch them.  First they totally panic and race around in circles.  No thought to say, grabbing a fire extinguisher or calling fire fighters.  When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.  At least until your butt catches on fire.  You’re in trouble then.  Best defense?  No stop, drop, and roll here.  Just bounce up and down while attempting to blow out the flames from your clothes.

Strangely this method does not work well for them.  Soon enough, the Grim Reaper arrives, and this is one of the funniest parts.  You can tell he’s freaking annoyed by his job, just like the rest of us.  He shakes his head, pulls out some paperwork, makes a call to the underworld on his cell phone . . . no seriously.

Eh, what can you do?  Another one comin' up, boss.

Eh, what can you do? Another one comin’ up, boss.

So this post ended up longer than I intended, and I’ve got lots of ways to kill Sims left to go!  There’s death by electrocution (Sim + electrical appliance + fork), death by drowning, death by starvation, death by hamster bite and death by flies (I have never achieved either so these are now my goals in life), and so much more.  Don’t worry for him – I have him saved, so I can bring him back to life again and again.  And then kill him again.  If I want.

Shall I mess with Boppo some more?  Do you have any Sim stories of your own to tell?  Do you want to recommend a mental health hotline for me?  Let me know in the comments below!

61 responses

  1. My character was dressed like Spiderman in his black outfit, and I kept making him a widower. Get it?

    Well, I thought it was clever 😉

    I miss the Sims but I don’t have a working computer I can play the game on. Thank you for the memories.

    1. I GET IT! Hey, didn’t they kill his girlfriend in one of those comics . . . I don’t know, I just watch the Toby Macquire movies. Hiii, Toby.

      Darn – must get computer. I used to play Sims a lot more than I do now. Lately my children keep wanting to play. Little weasels.

  2. I played the hell out of Sims 3 on the playstation. It was really fun, until I let my family have kids….just like real life. lol.

    1. That is so true. I forgot that one – torture by children. Once I made my family have six toddlers all at once. It was nice for about five seconds, then all hell broke loose.

  3. I absolutely love playing sims! My brother was totally weird. He made a room with a swimming pool in it, made his sim get in, took away the doors and watched it slowly get tired, and drown . . . I love this game though!

    It does make me laugh when they set things on fire. Mine were forever starting fires trying to cook before I realised they needed to read a book to learn or just order in!

    ~ Amy

    1. Oh, yes, I did that too. No, no, you light the chicken on fire, not yourself. Do not repair the TV with a fork you moron. Etc.

      Good thing we have games. People say they make us violent. I say they keep us from getting violent. 😀

  4. I like the idea with the swimmingpool of hutchagoodlife. At least with a pool in the bedroom you can’t burn your butt.

    1. Good point there. I want a pool in the middle of my bedroom.

  5. I’ve never played Sims, but I used to do Webkinz because I’m a very mature adult. I have to say I’m disappointed that Death is just another Millennial with a smart phone.

    1. Sad but true, even Death has to keep up with technology. I am also a very mature adult, which is why I play these games and then do stupid posts on them. D’oh, I could have made a Christian and Ana . . . except then I would have just kept killing them over and over and you’d have never seen me again.

  6. As stupid as most people look with a cell phone, Death carrying one is totally awesome. As is having a rack of bowling balls in your room. As is your attempts to off these virtual douchebags. I hope there will be more of these posts to come!

    1. I need very little encouragement. Yes! I shall do more! My reader demands it!

  7. My wife has 4000 versions of The Sims.

    I don’t get it.

  8. I love SIMS. I used to play this game all the time but it became an addiction where I’d waste like 4 hours trying to get my Sim to fall in love with some other Sim and then trying to get them into bed together. It was hilarious because they’d get into bed and the covers would be moving up and down, jerking around and then later they’d have a baby. HAAA. I was also obsessed with designing their house. And yes, I’ve seen death before! I hate how you have to tell your Sims to go to the bathroom and eat and sleep. I would always have my Sims standing in the living room hopping around because they had to go pee so badly and I’d be like…JUST GO!!! Why do I have to tell you!!! Now I want to play this game again. It will end badly though and my life will be wasted. But it sounds so appealing….

    1. If you don’t want to have to tell them to do the most basic things, like peeing, eating, and sleeping, then turn on their Free Will. You can find it in the Options menu. Somewhere. Anyway, with free will (and in Sims 3 you can adjust how much free will they have, from absolutely none to two-year-old-not-gonna-listen-no-matter-what), they are more able to take care of such basic needs.

      Not that they do all the time, but they’re more able to.

      1. I may have to play more Sims 3 – I only have the first pack, not all the expansions. I lost interest cause they all looked alike in that one. But that sounds interesting . . .

    2. I love their potty dance. So fun. And yes I’ve lost untold hours to the Sims – at least I did before I started losing hours to blogging. Now I’ve combined both addictions. Saves time that way. I love how the bed shakes up and down. The kids are playing and want to make babies and I’m like, um, hmm, when it this appropriate? Adopt.

      1. ahahhha…that’s funny about the kids wanting to make babies in Sims. It actually seems to take a lot of wooing to get the Sims to go to bed together, they have to be flirted with in that weird mumbles conversation they have with each other, but watch out for offending them! Eeek!! They’ll walk away in a huff.

  9. I think I’ve been playing video games all wrong. And I’ve never played Sims. It just never sounded like fun. But THIS looks like fun! I so want to see death by hamster bite!

    1. Me too! Hamster Bite Fever!

  10. My son bought Sims Pets for the Wii and I tried it out. I must be on the low end of the IQ scale because I just couldn’t figure out how to make everything work! My excuse…I have never been much of a gamer, though I now play a bunch of those ‘seek and find’ hidden object games on facebook because I like building my ‘yard’ or ‘garden’ or whatever they give you to put the things you buy in. I find it very annoying though when they tell you that you have to buy so many of this or that, or visit 16 neighbors (I’m just not quite that social, ya’ know) so I can imagine how utterly annoying it must be for the Sims to have their little computer lives controlled by someone with the powers of life and death! But, having the powers, now that might be another story altogether! Wondering if I should give it a try again?

    1. Oh, yeah, give it a try again. 🙂 Bossing little people around and causing them such misery and pain is SUCH a JOY! It’s a total trip!

    2. I like it much better on the computer than on the console . . . no figuring out those weird controls. And yes, it is fun to control lives bwahahaha.

  11. Alice, you might want to look for the Tombstone of Life and Death, a Sims 2 third-party download. I mean, if you have no luck getting Death by Hamster, Death by Flies, or Death by Satellite, you can invoke all the deaths with the Tombstone. It certainly doesn’t take as long as staring through the telescope until the Sim starves and he STILL hasn’t been crushed by a falling satellite.

    I loved my Tombstone of Life and Death. Muahahahaaaa!

    1. I absolutely NEED that Tombstone now. Where do you get it?

        1. Or, if you’re wary of enabling testing cheats, you can download and install this:

          It’s a buyable version of the Tombstone, that works on ANY lot, with or without sims there. More helpful, really, and easier to use than the boolprop version. You’ll need to install it, of course, but that’s not a big problem. Just read the Install Instructions on that page.

          1. Cool! Thanks for the links. I will check them out.

  12. You’ll be sorry when Boppo transcends into the real world and hunts you down.

    1. I am armed with clown spray.

      1. Lysol? I thought that had…other uses.

          1. Nice. Douche and clown repellent? What a product!!

          2. Buy now and we’ll throw in two clown repellants for the price of one (just pay extra shipping and handling)

          3. I could use some handling…

  13. Does Le Clown know about this post? If I were you, Alice, I’d be afraid, very afraid! 😉

    I now wish I had any version of The Sims, and the time in which to torture them – er, I mean play. Of course. I wouldn’t intentionally create a “family” or group that would represent the senior sisters and slowly torture them. Well, not unless I was having a really, really, really bad day.

    1. Oh, my, a Sim house full of nuns? No, no, I’m pretty sure I’d get hit by lightning instead of the Sim!

      1. I think it would end up being more scary than anything. It’s scary enough in real life at times!

  14. A friend of mine (and Swing dancer) helped design one of the versions of it, but I forget which one. She’s a game designer by day, swing dancer by night. Isn’t that cool?

    1. I want that job. Except I can’t dance. Or design computer games. Still . . .

  15. As long as you can keep the clown-burning confined to the computer games, you don’t need the mental health hotline number. This is really not different from shoot-them-up games – except when we blow the brains out of an enemy computer game character with our plasma machine gun, we don’t think about their astrological signs, their computer personality points, or whether they own a computer-generated poodle back at their computer-generated home.
    But when you start looking at our co-workers and thinking which Sim death would be most appropriate for them (and considering what objects would you need to make that happen) – that would be the time to worry.
    P.S. I’m not surprised that the underworld already has a cell phone connection.

    1. It’s so much more entertaining, though, to torture and kill little virtual people you know and love, and even have raised from birth in many cases, than it is to merely splatter the brains of unknown strangers in a shoot-em-up game. I mean, think how much joy you get from watching the little virtual poodle mourning at his friend’s gravestone! It’s wonderful! %-)

      Okay, maybe I should be worried about myself.

      But I’m not. 🙂 😀 8-D

      1. We are cut from the same twisted cloth. 😀

        1. I am warped and twisted, yes.

  16. I’m currently addicted to the new Sim City limited edition. However before I got it for my birthday two weeks ago, it was Sims 3 with 8 expansion packs. (pets, world adventure, late night, seasons, generations, etc…) My daughter (17) is also addicted. I haven’t really tried to kill them off. I tend to be more in the build mode than anything. I’m waiting for a zombi to bite one of my sims & for them to die. (which upgrade is that in?)

    I’d like to see SIM State (instead of city). Rural towns, cities, & country side… it could be educational too.. 😉

    1. I tried Sim City but I got all impatient building the city and started sending tornados end to SMASH. I think it can be educational itself, but a Sim town, city, etc would be interesting. I think they might have similar games to that, but not sure what they are.

      I have most of the expansion packs for Sims 2, but not 3 – I’m afraid my computer might blow up. 😀

      1. It doesn’t take long to get the city going. Lol
        I’m just going to have to write a post on it I think. 😉
        I had to upgrade my vid card for the sims & I need an hd monitor now. 😀

  17. […] That’s right, folks, Boppo is baaaack!  Sorry I left him floating around aimlessly in Sim land there for a while.  I figured he needed some time to cool off, what with me setting him on fire in the last post.  So what’s in store for Boppo today?  Let’s see.  Oh, and if in case you missed the last post LINK DROP! […]

  18. Thank you for giving me this gem on a Sunday morning. Oh, Alice, I think you were working through some issues. Good for you.

    1. I also have a letter from Santa where he unfollows me and defriends me because I’m naughty and call him a big fatty.

    2. Yeah, it’s funny how I even set him on fire, but almost no one made a connection . . . or maybe they did after all? But really, I’ve always been freaked out by clowns.

      1. Me too! And, like, so is EVERYONE. It’s weird that we all just got blinded. I’m not usually so sheep-y.

        1. Clowns can be creepy. If anyone says they hate dolphins I will rapid-fire insult you. You have been warned!

  19. Lol. That was soooooooooo funny when his butt got lit on fire. I am trying to find more of these every day, but You do these the best. Only you can do perfect death. Also mincemeat animals for them or against them. I am for them but not many people are.

    1. Oh man. Stupid Auto-Correct!!!!!!! I meant minecraft but auto corrected to mincemeat. Hate this tablet!

  20. I got death by asteroid. It was annoying because it happened accidentaly about 5 min into the game. Tons of people came running into his yard freaking out and pointing to the sky. I sent him outside to find out what they were pointing at by using the scope. He almost reached it then BAM! Game over. Everyone just shrugged and went home like nothing. He lived alone so I couldnt ressurect him. RIP.

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