A Very Boppo 4th of July!
Ah, Independence Day. The day we AmeriCANS celebrate our independence from England, the country that currently has banned us from going back there supposedly because of our killer cooties! Also on the patriotic irony front, Mexico banned some of our citizens, specifically Arizonans, from going over the border on this holiday weekend. I think it’s just because they don’t know how to party like we do.
You see, the 4th of July is one of those holidays which combines the joys of drinking copious amounts of beer and setting explosives on fire! Cause ‘Merica! I admit that I personally am not that fond of fireworks or beer, which is probably illegal, and find sitting outside on a summer night and getting eaten alive by mosquitoes just to see some pretty sparkles hardly worth it. For some people, though, this is the ultimate holiday for proving just how stupid humanity can be, and they are not going to just let that pass by! Take the idiot in New York who made national news by launching illegal fireworks directly into the window of his own house and taking around ten minutes to realize it. At which point, he used a water hose. Of course he did. God Bless America, my home sweet home.
Click on the link above. You really have to see it to believe it.
We weren’t having our usual festivities in the park, though my neighbors certainly were until well past midnight, so since I was up I thought I might see how my crazy, evil sim Boppo the clown celebrated Independence Day. Technically he’s Canadian, but he is always willing to drink and blow stuff up, so he was totally in. I decided to send him to the beach for his party. Sims are notoriously stupid, just like real people, so this promised to be a real blast.
Boppo adding fuel to the fire
Boppo started out by purchasing a portable bar and a buttload of fireworks of all shapes and sizes before setting them all around a giant open flame and inviting a bunch of Sims over to play. Looks legit to me!
Boppo’s pals quickly line up for the free booze. The lawn gnome watches in anticipation.
Bonfires and fireworks. Two things that go great together.
Not sure where that toddler came from. No matter, light ’em up, Boppo!
Crazy clowns light quickly.
Looking a little creepy, er singed there, Boppo. Maybe a change of clothes . . .
How you doin’?
Oh no, not the speedo, Boppo, anything but that! Please put your clothes back on.
Boppo’s not the only one getting a little hot here. Wait, Boppo, maybe not on deck . . .
Nevermind.
After setting the deck, and himself, on fire Boppo figured it’d be a good time for BBQ. Cause it’s always a good time for that.
Boppo, I think you forgot the burgers.
And he’s back in the speedo. Sensitive people shield your eyes, this is way worse than burning Sims. Speaking of which . . .
We’re getting a lot more deep fried Sims around here.
The Sims seem awfully okay about getting shot in the faces with fireworks. Must be the booze. Good call with the bar, there, Boppo.
Weeee! Hey, where do these kids keep coming from?
Just realized we haven’t seen the toddler in a while, and now there’s some new kid there. Everyone is just drawn to Boppo, like moths to a . . . firework.
Boppo’s sim friend smells something burning – oh it’s skin, okay.
Well, all good things must come to an end, and surprisingly this one did not end with the Grim Reeper sipping a tequila. We can’t always get what we want. Boppo had a good time, though, and after a shower he decided to do a little dancing with himself.
Or just talking to himself. He does both.
Happy 4th of July, Boppo, and to all of you as well! Hope you had as much fun as this crazed clown. Or less. Less might be better.
~Alice
The Return of Boppo!
So we’re all in agreement that this year has sucked and most of us are depressed. So I tried to think of things that make me happy, or that made my readers happy, and then I remembered! Virtual people! Specifically torturing virtual computer people in order to vent out frustrations with the real world. Years ago I wrote posts about Virtual Families, virtual farm animals, and of course, the Sims series, where all your dreams of virtual life (and death) can come true. These remain some of my most popular posts to this day, so I know I’m not the only sicko.
Hey, the house started out this way . . .
My husband once saw that I was down and said, “Hey, Alice, why don’t you go burn a Sim or two?” He knows me so well. So I decided to create a pretend person that my readers wouldn’t mind me torturing, like, I dunno, a clown. Think about it – how many movies come to mind where the clown is a good guy? That’s what I thought. Anyway, out of this Boppo Sadface, the evil clown and his trusty poodle companion Wee Wee, were born. In posts titled “How to Skin a Sim”, I found various ways to kill Boppo including drowning, electrocution, starvation, and my personal favorite, fire.
Never smoke in bed, guys.
But that was then and this is now, and I figured Boppo would be more fun as the protagonist. About a year ago, Thing One and I started trying to revive Boppo. The original Boppo was created on the Sims 2, and now we have the Sims 4 because the company EA is constantly updating content and their pocketbooks. So we tried various iterations of Boppo, hoping for one to stick. First, after the release of the expansion pack “Get To Work”, we were able to build a realistic jail cell for Sims. No more boring four stone walls full of torture contraptions for us to trap our Sims in! This was exciting news for us. Also we could make Boppo a bad clown cop.
Boppo on the job with his voodoo doll.
Like I said, this was a year ago when we started, and real people weren’t trapped in their real houses then, and there weren’t protests against actual police brutality. To be fair, Boppo doesn’t care what race, gender, orientation, or species someone is, or even if they have a pulse, he hates them all equally. Still, we decided Boppo should switch jobs. There are only two other jobs you can go along with your Sim to, and those are doctor and scientist. While one day I’d love to see Boppo pull strange stuff out of Sims and then try to stuff those things back in, since a lot of people are spending too much time at the doctor’s already, we figured a clown scientist would be safest. They only have freeze guns. Boppo still has the prison cell, though, cause even though he’s an evil, insane clown, he knows the importance of stay-at-home orders and social distancing.
Boppo is a master of SCIENCE
Home Sweet Home for Boppo. Crazy house in the front, jail cells in the back.
Social distancing at its finest. Literally locking people indoors works wonders.
Can’t forget Boppo’s companion Wee Wee! Yes, Boppo did spraypaint his name on his dog. How else would he identify him?
I bet you can’t wait to find out what happens in the telenovela that is the life and times of Boppo the clown! Don’t worry, we’ve got a story for you, filled with romance, kidnapping, clowns, aliens, insanity, clown hybrids, mermaids, locked up roommates, science experiments gone wrong, and of course, fire and other ways to hit the expiration date.
Hold on to your clown pants, here comes Boppo. You’re welcome.
~Alice
How many ways to skin a Sim?
As promised, here is my post on The Sims. This has been one of my favorite games for a while. It’s been through 3 different transformations, all of them grossing millions. It’s like people like playing God or something. Go figure.
Sims 2 is my favorite. I am not always cruel to my Sims. Sometimes I let them have cute families. If you want to talk about pixels having a mind of their own, these guys really do – or seem to anyway. As long as you leave their free will on (Yeah, you can take that away too. Or, uh, so I hear.) they will do all sorts of funny things all on their own. They will hug, kiss, babies will try to eat their toys, and children will run and greet adults when they get home from work. And everyone goes to work in a carpool. Even the thieves.
But since I’m tying this post into the last one, where I talk about killing those cute Virtual Families, this post will address torturing Sims. Since it might be hard to torture someone who looks so lifelike, I decided to create something most people wouldn’t mind kicking around. That’s right, a clown. I call him Boppo Sadface.
Meet Boppo
When you create a Sim, you can not only decide what they look like and how to dress them (in this case, horribly) you can also decide their personality. You can either randomly select one of the astrological signs, or you can add the points yourself. And you can choose an aspiration for your Sim. Like whether he wants money, or family, or romance. You’ll notice I gave Boppo no nice points, yet made him want lots of friends. He’s also a very sloppy Sim, as evidenced by his lack of points in that area, and the fact that he is digging something out of his ear right now. He did that all on his own.
Next up, Boppo needs company. I figured no humans would volunteer to be with him, but why not a dog? And what dog is undeniably annoying? A poodle of course. Boppo has a dog named Wee Wee (cause that’s what pet dogs do best). You can give the pets personalities too. Wee Wee is aggressive, sloppy, and dumb as a post.
Now that we’ve got those two taken care of, it’s time to find Boppo a home! I tried to make it appropriate.
Do not attempt to adjust your screen – that’s what it really looks like.
Yes, his house looks like a psychedelic nightmare, complete with lawn gnomes, flamingos, ceramic (at least I think they are) rabbit heads, kitten heads, bears, and chickens filling his front lawn. I circled a few things to bring them to your attention. First off, see that thing to the left circled in pink? That’s a supposed “marshmallow roaster”, yet is much closer to a circular flame thrower. You might guess where I’m going with this one.
The green circle to the far right is the stupid, violent poodle Wee Wee. In the middle is a yellow circle around the hamster cage. One of my readers informed me that her Sim died from the bite of one of these squeaky critters. So I had to buy one for Boppo. His name is Help Meeee. Ironically, both the hamster and the clown are on my little wheel of death. Bwahahahahahaha . . . moving on.
Death one: Clown on fire!
For this one, you can use any old stove or fireplace, but for ultimate efficiency, I prefer the marshmallow roaster. Just move it into his room, remove the door, and watch the show. Make sure there’s no fire alarm to call the fire fighters or something crazy like that. Observe:
Never smoke in bed, guys.
In case you were wondering, yeah that’s a rack of bowling balls on fire in the corner of his room. It’s only a matter of time now. Don’t worry, I had Wee Wee leave the room. I’m not cruel or nothin’.
When your butt lights up, you’re in trouble.
It’s horrible, and yet fascinating to watch them. First they totally panic and race around in circles. No thought to say, grabbing a fire extinguisher or calling fire fighters. When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. At least until your butt catches on fire. You’re in trouble then. Best defense? No stop, drop, and roll here. Just bounce up and down while attempting to blow out the flames from your clothes.
Strangely this method does not work well for them. Soon enough, the Grim Reaper arrives, and this is one of the funniest parts. You can tell he’s freaking annoyed by his job, just like the rest of us. He shakes his head, pulls out some paperwork, makes a call to the underworld on his cell phone . . . no seriously.
Eh, what can you do? Another one comin’ up, boss.
So this post ended up longer than I intended, and I’ve got lots of ways to kill Sims left to go! There’s death by electrocution (Sim + electrical appliance + fork), death by drowning, death by starvation, death by hamster bite and death by flies (I have never achieved either so these are now my goals in life), and so much more. Don’t worry for him – I have him saved, so I can bring him back to life again and again. And then kill him again. If I want.
Shall I mess with Boppo some more? Do you have any Sim stories of your own to tell? Do you want to recommend a mental health hotline for me? Let me know in the comments below!
aliceatwonderland 