21 Days of Gratitude: I’m too sexy
We are now on week 3 of the Gratitude Challenge. Let me say I am grateful to have just one more week of this fun, fun game.
Day 15: Take time to focus on yourself. Appreciate and give thanks for for your unique personality, skills and talents.
The blogger creed.
I’m pretty sure I’ve got focusing on myself down pretty well. It’s called a blog, peeps. I have been told I have a unique personality (nice way of saying good golly, Alice, you’re weird), and mad skillz (I wroted this here post all by myself!), and talents, so many talents. Once the Things and I put a smurf through the scientific method – a plastic one, not a real one. Anyway, we now know that smurfs can’t be destroyed by running them over by a car, freezing them in water, or boiling them in water. If that’s not sciency talent, I don’t know what is.
Day 16: Stand in front of the mirror for five minutes and focus on at least five things that you love about yourself. Write them down in your journal.
Wait, is that another wart?
They’re kidding right? Since I’m in front of a mirror, I guess I’m supposed to talk about physical stuff. Okay, five things.
1. I was going to say I was too sexy for my cat, but I think the outdoor kitty Hazel has me beat. She can slink around and twist into all sorts of shapes I can’t, just like real models. I can say I’m too sexy for your party, cause no way am I disco dancing.
2. I do not have a hunchback like Quasi. I can stand upright. Most of the time. Sometimes you have to lean me against a wall.
3. I have fair skin. People have told me I am the whitest person they know. Talk about a compliment!
4. The lines on my forehead and the faint mustache are probably not visible to people who aren’t looking at me from a few inches away.
5. I am grateful that my head faces forward instead of backward. I’m not keen on looking at my behind all day.
Poor Demented Anna.
Day 17: Write about something you feel grateful for in your life today
I am grateful that someone out there is probably reading this. Thanks, spambot and sexy cat!
Okay only 4 more to go! Woot.
Alice
Cute Frozen Packages Tied Up in String
These are a few of my favorite things! I just remembered that I’ve still got more of this Gratitude stuff to do. Like six days worth. I can do it! Though I might not have if it hadn’t been for blind boxes. No these are not boxes for the blind, although I suppose they too could open them up if they wanted – I mean they’d probably be able to feel through the bag and know what it is. But that’s the point. You buy this thing, and have no idea what’s inside. It could be any of – in the case of the ones we selected – one of 17 different little figurines. They have all kinds of these surprise boxes and bags and yes it is so much like Christmas it’s actually entertaining (if you’re strange) to watch other people unwrap them on youtube. When I first heard about these videos, I thought they were stupid. But now I figure they are at least as important on the Important Things Meter as, say, cute kitten videos.
Who wouldn’t want a bunch of random decaying zombie figures???
So with a choice of everything from My Little Pony to The Walking Dead to Game of Thrones (right in the kiddie section of Hastings!) I chose something shocking. Yeah I got Frozen blind boxes. I used to be a little embarrassed about liking this Disney movie so much, especially since so many people (most of them parents of toddlers and small children) hate this movie and the merchandise with a horrible, seething passion. I get it, I mean I had to watch Thomas the Freaking Tank Engine movie about 5,000 times, and that’s way worse than Frozen. The train didn’t even sing “Let it go! Let it go!” (Come on everybody, join in! Wait, is that a sharpened icicle you’re throwing at me?)
Anyway, I’ve been having a rough time of it as you’ve gathered from some of my posts. Sad Pony and Squirrel playing ping-pong with my brain has gotten really, really old. So I thought I’d pick up a random box because I LOVE surprises and they were out at Barnes and Noble but they said they’d save me a few on the next shipment. My husband went to pick them up – and came back with an entire case – 12 in all. They cost uh so many er bucks a piece which equals – slightly more than I intended to spend.
Ta-da! Give thanks for mass consumerism!
But my husband doesn’t ask questions, he just does, so here I was with a box of these overpriced plastic things and felt kinda guilty until my big Things saw the big box and got all excited. I told them firmly “We are just going to open up one blind box a day.”
Frozen: The Aftermath
Yeahhhhh . . . we have the self control of your average two-year-old. We started with one a piece. Then two a piece. Then heck with it, mass hysteria! It was so awesome, like Christmas morning. I figured with my luck we would get 12 of the exact same figure and it’d be one of those freaking trolls. But lo, we got 12 DIFFERENT ones, out of 17. Pretty good! Now there were like 2 grown Elsas, and 3 of the stupid snowman, but each one was in a different pose and stuff so yeah, all different!
Aren’t they cute? I even let the girls have some of them.
We’re missing one already – lost in our Game of Frozen Thrones melee which involved one of them riding a blind bag My Little Pony wildly through the bed sheets. There’s also one strange one we call Demented Anna cause her head is turned all the way around like in the Exorcist, which I’m not sure if Disney intended or not, but it’s hella weird.
Demented Anna – she’s one in a million!
I think I like her MOST OF ALL. Anyhoo, I was gonna obey these stupid gratitude suggestions. They happen to fit in perfectly!
Day 9: Enjoy the people around you. Take a moment to appreciate their unique talents, abilities and personalities
I enjoy my Things. They have the great talent and ability of opening boxes with me and the personality to laugh hysterically with their mom.
Day 10: Pick one of your five senses to focus on each day
I picked everything but vision, until the wrapper was off. Wheeee!
Day 11: Try to see the world through the eyes of a child.
Done! I did it through the eyes of two children!
Day 12: Today, make the effort to live life with a positive outlook.
I’m positive we all had a good time, for at least 10 minutes!
Day 13: Pick three friends or family members you see regularly. View their actions and gestures through a positive lens . . .
Reee-petitive! I am very positive my kids are as bizarre as I am!
Day 14: Write about how the Gratitude Challenge has changed your perspective thus far.
It gave me blog posts to write so I could tell everyone how annoying it is. Thanks Gratitude Challenge!
And that’s the end of a rather long post (but there were PICTURES). My last bit o’ gratitude is for the peeps who made it all the way through this post.
Alice
On Depression and Gratitude
I’ve been doing this 21 days of Gratitude thing as a hoot, but I just considered that I got this as a part of therapy. In other words, if you are depressed, being grateful for what you have is supposed to make you feel better. But does it? If you’ve never had clinical mental illness, you probably think it should make everything better. You probably apply logic to situations. But that’s just the thing. Depressed people can SEE logic, they just can’t act on it very well. Here’s one example. A dirty house makes you feel bad, yes? Cleaning it would make you feel better. Therefore (x + cow = red) you should get up and clean your house.
Get up, Mr. Sad Face! Just whistle while you work!
As you can see, Mr. Sad Face wasn’t too impressed with Snow White’s chipper attitude toward cleanliness, though blowing her up with a magic wand did bring a smile to his face. That’s always nice. More on that in a bit.
Gratitude journals are supposed to work the same way. But here’s the thing. There are different stages of Depression. It’s never “cured” but you can have times of mostly remission, as long as you take your meds and / or go to therapy or whatever it is you do to cope. But if you are in the really down stage, someone telling you to be grateful is only going to make it worse. For example:
Man I’m bummed I don’t have Barbie’s life with money and house and stuffs.
What’s this? A rainbow of good things in my life? Who knew?
Yay I have no home or car or foods but there are bunnies and flowers and sun! I am happy!
It goes a little differently with the depressed brain.
I don’t live like Barbie. Life bites.
What the heck is this? There better be some skittles coming next.
My life bites cause it’s not like Barbie’s. Also cause I don’t appreciate flowers and stuffs. Or gratitude journals. I suck.
So you see the difference? It’s not that the depressed person is trying to be obstinate, that’s just how our brains work. We already KNOW we have good things in our lives, and sometimes that us feel even more down. Just because you have depression doesn’t mean you don’t have gratitude. It means you have a chemical imbalance, and possibly some other sucky events have happened in your life. Your brain sees through a different lens when suffering depression. Like the drug commercial we know so well – this is your brain on depression. This is your brain without it. There’s a difference – it’s even visible on brain scans, so it’s not made up stuff to let depressed people lie on their duffs and take no responsibility. No matter how much it seems that way – even to the one who is depressed.
Now gratitude is a good thing, and when you’re out of your darkest days, it’s fine. But please don’t push people to be grateful when that is just one of the many things they wish they can do but can’t. It causes guilt, not happiness. Coming out of depression takes time, and hard work, and the right kind of therapy and meds. It’s not a quick fix. But there is one thing that is – even if the fix only lasts a few minutes. Humor. Humor helps. I’ve been in the hospital, and I’ve seen it work with other “mentals”. It is possible to laugh in the midst of suffering. And that’s part of why I blog. I love humor, and I hope my somewhat bizarre form of it helps people, whether they are sick or not. Remember that rainbows don’t appear during the worst of the thunderstorm. They come after. But during you can always use an umbrella. Until that blows away and you just hide under a taller person. Or – I lost track of my metaphors. Anyway, this is Alice signing out, hoping your brain has a good day.
Alice
P.S. I hope you found humor in how Snow White has kind of a Joker grin (not really intended). Why so serious?
21 Days of Gratitude: Are we done yet?
Nope, I’m on day . . . 6. That just leaves – carry the two – there’s several days left. So I skipped a bit again and I’m gonna have to throw a few on here, which is better than bothering you with several short pointless posts, right? Sure.
Day 6: Take a few minutes to call someone you haven’t talked to in a while. Tell them how much you appreciate them.
Elmo says “Leave a message at the beep, butthead. Hee hee hee.”
Wait, what? Call someone? They mean, like, text, right? Cause calling is such a pain. Also, who is there to call? No one ever picks up cause, well, since no one calls anymore it must be one of them there telemarketer types. Or bill collectors. Avoid, avoid.
But I signed the fake pledge so – I guess I could call my husband. Haven’t talked to that guy in a while. Wonder what he’s up to – besides the insides of a car. Must find out.
Voicemail. That figures. I told his voicemail about my appreciation for him, and also my appreciation for voicemail. I should get a “k” text any minute now.
Day 7: Take a picture of one thing, person, place or specific moment that makes you feel grateful. Share it with your social network.
My daughter lost my camera bag with the battery charger for a while, so no chance to take a picture. Yes I have an actual camera that isn’t my phone. Anyway, I just read this post today complete with picture. I am grateful that I do not live in this specific moment. The 1950s, otherwise known as the age of Lysol.
One word: ouchie
The ad is kind of small, so best to view it on That Retro Blog, a blog created by my pal Merbear, which occasionally also stars my own sarcastic commentary. For more info on this fabulous lysol douche – yes I said douche and lysol in the same sentence – see here.
Day 8: Send thank you notes to five people who deserve a little recognition.
Thank you notes? Phone calls? Was this gratitude journal written in the 1950s? Do they expect me to be a wizard? Cause my hand cramps. And I have no idea where any official thank you notes are located. And I’m lazy. Gratefulness is HARRRD.
Native Americans
You’re welcome. Christopher Columbus
Fine, okay, I will list some people, but no one be upset if I don’t mention you cause it’s not that I don’t like you (probably), it’s that I have the memory of a gerbil.
1. Merbear: My Wonder Twin who listens to me whine for free, even with her own issues.
2. Noxema Mom: We’ve been friends for almost a decade, but it feels like we were switched at birth at times. She has no blog, but she knows who she is.
3. Ravinj: We’ve known each other since we were eleven and twelve. There are no secrets. She knows about every stupid thing I’ve ever done. Best to keep these people close.
4. Mental Mama: Also listens to me whine and has been where I’ve been (crazyville).
5. Every one else who is special and I can’t remember cause gerbil brain: Thanks. You guys are the greatest. Kiss kiss, Alice.
I just remembered I didn’t add in my Things. Or that husband person. Whoops. They get it.
Okay, so done with the gratitude for now. I would like to thank the Academy that I missed the Oscars last night, though I hear there were some decent dresses worn.
Requests for Alice!!!
P.S. I’m wondering if there was anything you’d like to see me write about. For instance, I was just watching TLC the other day, and there was Sexy Times in the ER where a guy used hot sauce where he really shouldn’t and all sorts of shenanigans took place ending up at the hospital! And TLC just keeps crankin’ out the weirdo shows like “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” in spite of the hot sauce incident and “Strange Addictions”. Latest one was a guy addicted to eating ONLY French Fries (way too edible there), and another dude who liked dressing up as a rubbery, cross-dressing doll. Also, there are several children’s shows I haven’t tackled to the ground yet, like Maisy Mouse, and Cailou, and who knows what other demon filled creations are out there to entertain our kids. There is also a certain population that never comments but really, really likes my posts about torturing virtual people. So anyhoo, let me know in the comments below if there’s something you’d like to see. Grats to all.
Alice (cause I’m so bold)
21 Days of Gratitude: 3 in 1 Blow
Get it? Thanksgiving = gratitude? Also Squanto was hot.
So I’ve fallen behind in my gratitude stuff, blah blah, bite me. I’m determined to get through every one of these (aren’t you happy?) Let’s see, what was Day 3?
Day 3: Write about something you feel grateful for in your life today.
I just know what some people would write here. God. I’m grateful to God cause like I exist and He hasn’t started another flood in spite of the Tea Party, etc etc. You know what I think? Total cop out there. Don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against God at all. I just have something against people who feel they constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY, have to tell everyone how much they love Him. It’s sort of like the guy who is always going on and on about how wonderful and perfect and speshul his wife is. If he’s been married to her over 24 hours, I’m looking for the girl in the closet.
Note: You show love for people (and the god you worship) in how you LIVE not just in what you SAY. That being said, I’m so so grateful for my readers! You guys are awesome! Even the spambots!
(cough) Cop out.
Okay, fine, that’s a no-brainer too. Obviously I’m grateful for my readers. Just like I’m grateful for my Things – especially when they are hilarious and clever and, at times, out of my hair. So I need to use my noggin to come up with something different. And I did. Not only that, it takes out two days of gratitude with one stone!
Day 4: Write a short message of thanks for some of the “negative” things in your life.
I didn’t put the quotes around negative. What do they mean by “negative”? Are we talking “dog doo on the shoe” vs “terrorist attack” or what? Nevermind. I found something that answers what I’m grateful for even though it’s a definite negative (no quotes needed).
I am grateful for E.L. James.
WhyAlicewhywhywhywhy someonegetadoctorsheslostitforgoooood!
No, I’m serious. I am thankful, in the negative, for her because if she hadn’t written such crappy books, I would not have been compelled to make 1,000 posts mercilessly mocking them (and her) and so would not have been noticed by someone else mocking her (Speaker 7 – rest her soul) and would not have gotten my hilarious, inspiring readers. Which I really am grateful for, along with God (please don’t strike me down).
Okay, so 3 and 4 are done and now we’re on day 5. Hurrah.
Day 5: Take five minutes to write about how grateful you are for all of the wonderful things that you currently have in your life. Don’t long for what you can’t possess-instead, take stock of all the blessings you already enjoy.
I’m watching you, Alice.
Five minutes? Am I supposed to time myself, cause I type pretty fast. Also, has anyone else noticed that this is getting a bit repetitive? How many times do I need to be grateful for the same things? And another thing – notice that grateful is not spelled like “great” but like “grate” which is something that like covers vents and stuff? I always have to hit spell check on that one to make sure I’m right. Maybe not after this exercise.
I also considered that this would be a good way to show off to other people, especially if you post these suckers on Facebook or something. For example:
I’m grateful for my 1,000 inch flat screen TV, my XBOX 7500, my 5 million buckaroos in the bank, my handsome and virile husband, my perfect straight A, gorgeous, athletic children, the LORD, my house in Malibu, Ronald Reagan, brown paper packages tied up in string, kittens, and the less fortunate people (ie the rest of you) because you make me feel superior. Amen.
I could do that, but I won’t. I, Alice, am thankful for all the wonderful things in my life (how long have I been writing now?) like fuzzy socks, electric blankets, and those family and friends I live with and chat with (like my Wonder Twin!) and all that stuff. And also my FABULOUS READERS who will most definitely leave me lots of comments now.
Alice.
21 Days of Gratitude and Stuff: the ABCs
I have been involved in some GROUP therapy work which is supposed to make me less Sad Pony and Squirrel and more like my usual sarcastic self.
Pfft, whatever.
Yayyyy this will be fun I am grateful for nuts and sad pony and Alice and nuts! I just pooped on the keyboard!
Day 1 was just signing a pledge that I would do it. Here is my pledge.
I, Alice, pledge to do this gratitude thing because why the heck not.
Today is Day 2. I was instructed to make an alphabetical list of things I am grateful for, so I sought help from my Things and whatever came up off the top of my head.
We want to eat your souuuul!
A: Asphalt – we drive on it and it beats dirt
B: Birth control – I only have two kids! Yay!
C: Calculator – because I am bad at Math
D: Dragon Tales – the show that got me lots of hits from angry crazed fans.
The show still sucks.
E: Elevator – cause I’m too lazy for stairs
F: That word I cannot say
G: Garage – where my husband goes
H: Hatahs – cause they gonna hate hate hate but I’ll shake ’em off, shake ’em off
I: Internetz!!!!
J: Jesus – cause I’m afraid not to list Him
Muffin?
K: Kmart – low low prices!
L: Lunatic – which I am not hurray!
M: Money – I likes it
N: Nice people – cause I can take advantage of them, I mean, cause they’re nice!
O: Organs – Cause livers and spleens are good things to have.
P: Pee!: Always a relief
Q: Quasimodo – Reminds me I do NOT have a hump!
Hugs!!!
R: Radio – even if it was killed by video
S: Spammers – Who are like half my readers! Much to the thanks, guys!
T: My Things (or children, whatever)
U: Ugly people – they make me feel pretty
V: Victory – I like beating people.
W: Words – they go in the sentences (please tell E.L. James)
X: Xanax! Woooooot!
Y: Yeti – they are all white and fluffy and eat people
Z: Zantac – beats acid indigestion
What do you think? Do you have an alphabetical grateful list? Could you make one and put it in my comments section? The weirder the better. The best one I’ll list in a future post with a link back to their blog so spammers can find them! Or you can NOT do it, see if I care.
Alice
aliceatwonderland 